


The Fool on the Hill

by Beammeupbroadway



Series: Arcana [1]
Category: Cyberpunk 2077 (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Johnny Silverhand Being An Asshole, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Recreational Drug Use, Seizures, Sex, Slow Burn, Soft Johnny Silverhand, Suicidal Thoughts, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:08:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 66,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28996476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beammeupbroadway/pseuds/Beammeupbroadway
Summary: The fools journey Misty had called it. Well she was right about one thing at least, they were both fools.V and Johnny try to find a way to live with each other, just to find that they’re gonna have to figure out with how to live without the other, full well knowing they couldn’t anymore if they tried.
Relationships: Johnny Silverhand/Female V
Series: Arcana [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166204
Comments: 181
Kudos: 238





	1. The Hermit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ruruie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ruruie/gifts).



> I wouldn't be writing this if it weren't for your top tier fics and our headcanon conversations, thank you for the inspiration and for being so much damn fun to talk to!
> 
> “The Hermit is a card of self-imposed isolation. It represents an escape from the hustle and bustle of the city, a turning away from constant newness toward Ye Olde ways. For the hermit, solitude is the road to the sublime – a road that is taken not with great bounds and strides, but with small, concentrated steps.”

He’d only been stuck in this chick’s head for a week, but it was a fucking bummer in there. At first, sure she was nonstop, runnin’ around the town like a woman possessed, meetin’ up with that Arasaka lapdog, heading out to save some beaten down joytoy, just for her to go and off herself anyway. But then she’d got a call on her holo, some woman she’d called Mama Welles, and they’d headed over to her old chooms funeral. He stayed away for most of that day, preferring to lurk in the back of her mind while she mingled with the guests. She seemed to know near enough everyone there. 

In his eyes the day had been a win, V had come back with two new guns and a brand new bike, not a scratch on the thing. He’d said as much when she got back to her dingy little apartment, not bothering to turn the light on as the neon from the city filtered in through slits in the blinds. She’d ignored his comments, toeing her shoes off and leaving them by the door, peeling off her jacket and letting it drop on the floor as she trudged over towards her bed, flopping onto the hard mattress face first with an undignified thud. 

Silence wrapped tightly around the room like a shroud, the uncomfortable atmosphere in the room almost suffocating. But V never said a word, she just dragged her leg which hadn’t quite made it onto the bed and closed her eyes. He knew she wasn’t sleeping, but he had enough decency not to mention it. He opted for the sofa, reclining back onto it and closing his own eyes, trying to get whatever constituted shut eye for an engram. 

But that had been two days ago, and Johnny’s decency could only go so far. Girl hadn’t even moved, not an inch. He’d lay on the sofa until he couldn’t stand it anymore, he’d paced around the apartment. He’d tried shouting at her, Telling her to move her fuckin’ gonk ass because they were on the clock and he wasn’t about to conk it because she couldn’t be bothered to do anythin’ about it. Still nothin’. He could hear her stomach grumbling, it grew louder every time but she didn’t bother doin’ anything. Didn’t even lift her head when her holo rang. 

Johnny was done fuckin’ around. He stood next to the bed. Jabbing her back with his boot. 

“V. Hey V! I know you can fuckin’ hear me. You better stop pissin’ around, it ain’t just your life anymore.” 

His digs got increasingly forceful, her body moving with the boots impact. But still nothing. He rubbed his hands over his face, groaning in frustration. He climbed over her body, crouching on the other side of the bed so he could see her face. She was a fuckin’ sight for sore eyes if ever he’d seen one, and he’d seen them. Her eyes were red and swollen, staring at the wall but seeing nothing. Her face was wet from the tears still running silently down it. Her skin was mottled and her mouth hung open slightly, as if she didn’t have the energy or the will to close it. Her lips looked dry and painfully chapped. He finally put the pieces together, and realised maybe she wasn’t the only idiot in the apartment. 

“Fuck. What, you depressed or somethin’? Just my luck, of all the heads I could’a got stuck in, I got a fuckin’ depressed merc with a martyr complex.” 

At this, he got his first sign of life, which was her eyes moving to meet his, glaring daggers straight into his soul, and her hand clumsily bringing itself up off the bed to weakly flip him off. Johnny smirked, flipping her off right back. At least there was still some fight left in her. But not for long if they couldn’t sort this shit out. 

“Right.” He asserted, reaching over to grab her, drawing out a small noise of confusion from her at the sudden movement. He pulled her up to rest her back against the wall of the alcove. Climbing off the bed, he took hold of her hand, and wrapping it around the lukewarm can of Nicola on the table beside it. 

“Think you can be a big girl and drink that by yourself?” 

He let go of her hand, which fumbled to keep ahold of the can but managed to keep her grip on it. V offered the him a weak, rasping “fuck off”, tugging open the ringpull with some difficulty and knocking back the drink. He could taste the sickly chemical flavour in his own mouth, gagging. He made a mental note to avoid letting her drink that crap at all costs. She quickly downed the entire can, letting out a satisfied sigh as she dropped it back onto the bedside table, not even watching as it bounced and landed on the carpet. There was a noticeable improvement. Her lips were less dry, and for the moment the tears had stopped, though the evidence of them remained plastered over her face, eyes puffy and cheeks damp. Looking around the room, his eyes locked onto their target. A burrito still in its packet, laying on the table beside the sofa. He looked between V and the burrito, then back to V again, assessing the distance between the two. It was far, but he was determined. He crouched down beside the bed, V’s eyes lazily drifting to meet his own. 

“You see that?” Johnny pointed to the burrito behind him. “That’s your next goal. You make it over there and you eat that, I quit pesterin’ you. Got it?”

She was hesitant, warily eyeing the distance between herself and the burrito, but the thought of some time truly alone won out over the desire to stay where she was. V lifted herself off the bed slowly, but the second she tried to put her weight on her legs they buckled beneath her. Johnny sighed, rolling his eyes and stepping to the side to avoid the collision. She considered staying there, purely out of spite, but he was right. If the relic didn’t kill her, this would eventually. Though right now that wasn’t the worst thing she could think of. She clambered back up, onto her hands and knees this time, and began to slowly crawl her way across the dirty, trash strewn carpet. She must look like an absolute fuckin’ state right now. She imagined what Jackie would think if he could see her now, but pushed the thought away as soon as it had arrived, her eyes beginning to burn again. Not now. Later, once she’d eaten something and he’d fucked off, she could lay back down and cry all she wanted. But right now she needed that burrito like she needed to air to breathe. 

He stood beside the bed, watching her approach her goal at an agonizingly slow pace. Was this how he was gonna spend his last few weeks? Stick him back in fuckin’ soulkiller. V finally reached the table, grabbing the burrito and slumping down against the sofa. She ripped open the packet, letting it fall to the floor as she shoved the food in her face quicker than should be humanly possible.As he watched, she reminded him of a snake. Unhinging her jaw to devour her food. Though a snake was more dignified than a woman in her mid twenties, looking rough as hell and reeking from lack of hygiene, strewn on her own filthy carpet shoving junk food down her throat. 

Once she had finished, she slumped down a little further, looking for all the world like someone about to fall asleep again. Not a fuckin’ chance. He walked over to her, grabbing her forearms and pulling her up, draping her arm around his shoulders while she regained the feeling in her feet.

“Hey- what the fuck Johnny? You said you were gonna delta, so fuckin’ ghost off already and leave me alone.” She tried to tug herself away but his grip on her was firm, dragging them both in the direction of the bathroom.

“You smelled yourself recently? Fuckin’ vile. I gotta live in here too, and I say we’re gettin’ you clean so buckle up buttercup.”

She grumbled under her breath but relented, allowing herself to be pulled into the shower. She sank to the floor of the cubicle once he released her, not having the energy to stand any longer than was absolutely necessary. 

“You normally shower with your clothes on?”

“Yeah, when there's a dead man watchin’ me I do.”

Johnny rolled his eyes, leaning against the wall of the shower, arms folded over his chest. V reached up, deftly managing to turn the water on. She let her head rest against the wall, enjoying the scalding water running through her greasy, matted hair. She reached for the shampoo bottle with every intention of using it, but when her tired arm knocked it over she gave up, letting it lie there rejected. Or she planned to, had Johnny’s hands not grabbed hers, seizing the shampoo bottle and squirting a reasonable dollop on top of her head. She leaned her head to the side to avoid washing it straight out, but made no move to assist him. Johnny stared at her incredulously. 

“Really? This is how it’s gonna be now, I gotta do everythin’ for you? Fuckin’ preem..”

He brought his own hands up to her head and began to rub the shampoo in, relieved he was able to interact with it. V considered asking why he was bothering, but instead let her eyes shut and allowed herself to relax into the brief moment of tenderness, the first one he had shown since popping up in her life. The moment was too short lived for her liking, as soon her head was pushed back under the water, spluttering as she wiped away the onslaught of shampoo running into her stinging eyes and chapped mouth. 

“Could’a fuckin’ warned me!” She shouted, wiping the remaining suds from her face, not quite daring to open her eyes. She was met with silence. Knowing he had finally delta’d, she fumbled for the bar of soap, fingers gripping it tightly upon contact. She haphazardly rubbed the soap under her arms and under her breasts, making a half hearted effort to rinse it off under her clothes before deciding she was done for the day. She reached up, managing to blindly find the switch for the shower and turning it off. Finally daring to risk opening her eyes, she was surprised, though confusingly somewhat comforted, to see the man still there, facing the opposite way to afford her some privacy, reaching his hand out to help pull herself up. She took it, hoping he could feel the cautious gratitude she sent his way. Pulling herself up, she took the brief privacy to strip herself of the wet clothes, dropping them to the floor with a damp splat. She grabbed the towel from the sink beside him and wrapped it round herself tightly. 

“Think you can do it on your own this time?” Johnny turned around to face her, arms folded once more across his chest. She nodded, following him out of the bathroom, movement akin to a baby deer. She stumbled once, but managed to catch herself on the doorframe before she required any intervention. The less help she needed from him, the less bruised her ego would be tomorrow. V managed to stagger her way across the room towards her closer, grabbing the first t-shirt and underwear she saw. She looked back around, grateful that he had once again been decent enough to turn around.

“Not my type anyway.” She heard him mutter under his breath as she threw the top and underwear on. Once half decent, she stumbled back towards the bed, successfully completing her journey once more on her own, clambering back into her bed with a welcome sigh of relief. She lay down, letting herself relax against the pillows. She expected Johnny to disappear once she had made it back, but he was still there, watching her with an almost pitying expression. She didn’t want his pity. She closed her eyes, willing herself to block out the world again, but apparently the world had other ideas. She felt the bed dip beside her, and allowed one eye to peek open and observe him. He’d sat next to her, back against the wall, feet up on the bed. They sat there in a companionable silence, neither wanting to be the first to break it. 

“Your choom… you two close?”

She turned her head to look at him, confused as to where this sudden interest had come from, but Johnny ignored her, choosing instead to take in the sight of the trash heap that was her apartment. She hesitated to respond. Did she need to tell her new brain parasite about Jackie? No, she absolutely didn’t. Did she want to talk to someone about him? ..Possibly. The asshole sat next to her didn’t deserve to hear about Jackie, but Jackie deserved to be spoken about, and god knows she needed to talk about him.

“Yep. Met him on my way into NC, did a job for him. ‘Course it all went tits up, but we stayed good chooms after that. Stayed with Mama Welles ‘til we could afford our own places. She’s been like a Mom to me ever since, she knew i’d look out for her Jackie.” She paused, sniffing as she felt that familiar burn in her eyes. “Guess I fucked that job up too.”

They sat there, quiet settling back over the room, only interrupted by her occasional sniffling. Johnny surprised her again by breaking the silence once more.

“Well… if you’re talkin’ about him, you and all his chooms that turned up to that get together, Ofrenda, whatever that Mama Welles called it. You all keep talkin’ about him an’ rememberin’ him, then he’s never really gone.”

V stared at him, unable to think of a reply to the surprisingly reassuring message of his response. He didn’t look back, but he did materialise a guitar. It glitched into existence the same way he did. He began to strum softly, a tune she thought she recognised. Content to let it be, she closed her eyes again and allowed herself to relax into the pillows once more. But something tugged at her. She needed to say it now, while they were still amicable. She spoke quietly but aloud into the empty room. 

“Johnny?”

“Yeah?”

“..Thanks. For today.”

He stopped strumming, and she worried that she had crossed an unspoken boundary. But he spoke again, softer than he had before.

“Go to sleep, V.”

Her lips twitched into the small smile. It wasn’t much, but as far as the hardass rockerboy went, she felt like she’d made some progress, and that was enough for today. She fell asleep with the soft light of dawn trickling through the blinds, listening to the soft strumming of the guitar beside her, and she dreamed of Jackie. 


	2. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Death is the card of becoming. It signifies an imminent and difficult transition – the conclusion of one phase of life and the beginning of another. Inevitably, something gets lost during the transformation, but something else will rise and take its place."

The last thing V needed at this point in her life was a therapy session from a doll. Still, shit must be bad if she could sit listening to the all knowing wisdom of a clouds doll and come away thinking she had a point. That girl could see straight into her fucking soul, and she saw Johnny staring straight back at her. Poor girl. V knew how much that fucking sucked. She’d got the information she needed to start tracking down Evelyn, calling Judy straight away to keep her in the loop, but finding her still felt like some distant, unattainable goal. That's how everything felt these days. The only goal V could hope to attain soon was a long, drawn out death. A 50 year old engram slowly wiping her off the map. Her own memories, dreams, fears, all being replaced one by one by his own. 

The elevator ground to a halt as V’s vision flickered, the world around her glitching in and out of existence. Staggering out, she saw surroundings slowly dissolving into blue lines of code. A searing pain shot through her skull, forcing her to squeeze her eyes shut against the onslaught of pain and nausea. Panic seized her as she blindly fumbled around, searching for somewhere to catch her breath. Her fingers found a crate nearby, grabbing and pulling herself towards it. Slumping down on top, she dropped her head between her knees, trying to keep her breathing under control against the incoming waves of panic she felt crawling across her skin. She moved herself back and forth in a rocking motion, calming herself, pushing down the growing dread in the pit of her stomach. 

The sound of metal scraping across the floor in front of her barely alarmed her, she knew who it was immediately. 

“It's all goin’ too slow.”

V lifted her head to watch as Johnny perched in front of her, straddling a stool. Was the stool even real? Had he moved it? At that moment she was too drained to give a fuck, she just stared at him, waiting for the barrage of complains to begin. He was dressed the same way as he’d first appeared; tactical vest, ready for a fight, tight leather trousers clinging to his thighs, scruffy dark hair falling over his eyes as he watched her, disdain evident on his face. 

“Gonna decomish before we learn how to rip the chip out.” He leaned forward, his eyes piercing through her even with his aviators covering them. 

“Wanted me dead. Said so yourself.” She spat her words at him, in absolutely no mood to argue with her brain parasite while she felt like her body was being turned inside out. 

“Made it pretty clear since that I changed my mind.” He shook his head, removing his aviators which increased the intensity of his stare to an uncomfortable level. “Want you to live now.”

V scoffed. “Asked you already, what the hell ya want from me?” She hardly believed the man who tried to bash her brains in last week suddenly wanted to be chooms.

“I got a get-outta-jail-free card, I’d be a fuckin’ fool not to take advantage.”

Ah, there it was. This couldn’t possibly be about her, and the fact that he was slowly tearing her apart from the inside. Like everything else, it was always about him. 

“See, me and Arasaka,” He continued, “we got a half-century-old score needs settling, and I plan to do it.” He took a cigarette out and lit it, taking the opportunity to face away from her as he smoked. 

“Hah, might even laugh if it didn’t hurt so much…” She groaned as she straightened herself up, still squinting from the pain throbbing behind her eyes. “What, you think I’m gonna go on a suicide mission for you? Storm Arasaka tower single handedly, guns blazing, like Johnny Silverhand 2.0? You’ve got some fuckin’ nerve.” 

Johnny turned back to her and she had to stop herself flinching from the loathing she saw staring back at her, but in that moment, it wasn't his anger that scared her, it was the fact that she felt it too, barely able to separate it from her own. She could take the anger, and the shouting, even the physical pain she knew he could inflict given the chance. But what made her blood run cold was realising this was how it would be now. Slowly becoming someone else, losing herself more each day. Her remaining life wasn't her own, it was just a second, slower death. And that was fucking terrifying. 

“Say whatever the fuck you want kid, Johnny Silverhand died a legend. And you?” He stood up, jabbing a finger into her chest. “Who the fuck are you? A fuckin’ nobody. Done fuck all with your life, and you’re gonna do fuck all with whats left of it. Runnin around after braindead dolls, licking the boots of Saburo’s fuckin’ lapdog? You,” He jabbed her again, harder, making her yelp from the pain of the impact “are nothing.”

V turned away from him, rubbing her chest where his finger had landed. She could feel her eyes burning, furious with herself that she couldn’t hold her own for five fucking minutes against a dead man. Each day that passed the felt a little something slip away, something years ago she probably held dear, now completely forgotten. And in its place, there was a seething rage that threatened to overwhelm her. Not her own, one that had built over half a century, but just as vivid as it was back then. She was slowly losing her mind and body to the piece of shit standing in front of her, trying to dictate her own fucking death to her. 

“And what, you think you’re somethin’? Got news for you old man, you’ve been dead 50 years, nobody gives a fuck about Johnny SIlverhand anymore, not even Arasaka. There's no score to settle, they’ve forgotten you and it’s time you moved on and fucked off.” 

She gritted her teeth when his metal hand tugged hard on her hair, dragging her back round to face him. His face was so close she could feel his hair brushing against her, his expression menacing and teeth bared, his breath hot against her face. 

“What, and you think you’re gonna go out in some ‘blaze of glory’? Not in this fuckin’ life Princess. Look at your choom Jackie-”

“Dont say his name you fuckin’ asshole.” She spat. The grip on her hair tightened, causing her to grimace, pushing down a small sound of pain that threatened to escape. She wouldn’t give the bastard the satisfaction.

“-look where he is now. Bleedin’ out in the back of a cab your idea of a blaze of glory? That ain’t happenin’. Not for you. You’re no Night City legend darlin’, you’re gonna end up right there alongside your choom in the long list of nobodies who died thinkin’ they could be somthin’ in this city.”

She stared at him, her gaze unrelenting even as her eyes stung from the pain radiating from her scalp. There was a furious determination looking back at her, and she knew no matter what she said, she wasn’t getting out of this without some kind of compromise. If that’s what it took to get this fucker to pipe down, then that’s what she’d do. Or tell him at the very least. 

“Fine. Have it your way, I'll spend my last days fulfilling your twisted revenge fantasy against a dead man, preem.” She jerked her head out his grasp and he let her go, releasing her with a satisfied smirk on his face. He took a step back, bringing out another cigarette, though this time not bothering to blow the smoke away from her. 

“Glad we can see eye to eye.” He returned to his perch on the stool, resting his metal elbow on his knee. His cigarette hung loosely from his fingers as ash dropped to the floor, vanishing on impact. “Look, Soulkiller’s what we need, and Mikoshi’s how we grab it.”

V was willing to bite. “Right, what’s this Mikoshi then.”

She listened to him explain how the soulkiller AI was used to fry and package someone's mind, saving it as an engram. He sounded detached, like he was a teacher explaining some basic concept, but she could feel a twinge in her chest. Repulsion, fear, neither her own. It made her pause, but only for a moment. There was a time and a place for pity, and it wasn’t for this bastard. 

“Great.” She said, slowly pulling herself up from the crate, the pounding in her skull beginning to wear off. “Now I’ve got my own shit to do, so fuck off.” She shoved past him, walking back towards the Arch with fresh boiling rage in her step. She might have her life taken from her by the biggest bastard Night City had seen, but she sure as hell wasn’t about to have her death taken by him too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We love endgame Johnny, but early Johnny is an absolute bastard and should be treated as such.


	3. The Star

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Star is the card of hope. In the darkest of nights there is a light that shines the path to home. The Star is inspiration, motivation and gives us strength to move forward.”

V rode around the city for hours after they left Judy’s, the image of Evelyn’s limp body lying in the bathtub burnt onto her retinas. There was no end goal in mind, no location she was aiming for. She didn’t know where she wanted to be, but there was no way she could sit still. Every time she did, she saw the lifeless expression in those dead eyes and she couldn’t fucking breathe. So she kept driving. Johnny was around somewhere, she could feel him lingering in the recesses of her mind, but he was wise enough to not offer any snarky commentary. Good. If he so much as tried, she’d probably grab her gun and finish them both off to shut him up. 

Somehow she found herself out in the middle of the badlands. It was probably subconscious, going back to the most familiar surroundings she could find near that shit stain of a city. The Arch screeched to a halt and she jumped off, letting it fall to the ground. When Mama Welles first gave V the Arch, she was so damn careful with it she would barely reach 20 going round the corner, but tonight she truly couldn’t care less. What did a bike matter when shit like this was still happening every fucking day, and she was helpless to stop it. 

It was almost eerie how quiet it was out here, not a soul in sight. Such a stark contrast to the constant onslaught of stimulation in the city. V walked several paces away from the bike, not making it any further before her knees buckled and she gave in, letting the sand beneath her swallow her. She let out a loud, guttural scream. One that had been brewing ever since she walked into that bathroom. Everything she had went into it; all the pain from the past couple of weeks, her grief for Jackie, Evelyn, the growing fear of losing herself that she felt paralyzing her slowly like venom. She let it all out until no more sound would come, then knelt there, slumped in the sand, gasping for breath. 

Johnny was sitting on a rock across from her, holding one knee pulled up to his chest. He didn’t say anything, just waited, silently assessing the scene in front of him. She couldn’t find it in herself to be mad at him for inserting himself into the moment where she felt most exposed, more vulnerable than she could ever remember feeling. She was just so tired. Tired of running around for everyone while her time ticked away, tired of fighting the growing feeling of helplessness as she felt his soul consuming her own. Slowly regaining some control, she readjusted her position, sitting cross-legged in the sand, elbows resting on her knees. They watched each other, unsure what to say, if anything. What did you say after that? 

“Enjoying the show?” Apparently that.

Johnny raised his eyebrows, removing his aviators and placing them down beside him, though they instantly dematerialised. She was grateful they were gone. He felt more open without them on, more human. 

“Been in worse states before, V. Seen it all.” He hopped down off his rock and moved towards her, sitting cross-legged in the sand opposite her. “Can’t say I blame ya, that was some fucked up shit.” 

He lit a cigarette and offered it to her, a strangely familiar gesture, albeit useless since she couldn’t take it, but she figured he had a point. She brought out her cigarette case,  _ Evelyn’s  _ case, and lit one for herself. They mirrored each other, relaxing into the posture after taking a long, synchronised drag. They sat there in silence, though a more companionable one than either was used to, taking in the vast desert stretching out around them. 

“Bein’ weirdly nice tonight,” She exhaled another long drag, the smoke forming a cloud around them. “Somethin’ bothering you? Figured you’d be happy to see one less doll around.” 

Johnny stared at her incredulously. “Fuck, V, you really think I’m that fucked up?” V gave him a look. “Fine, don’t answer that. I got nothin’ against dolls, it’s a system that lets anyone off the street with enough eddies waltz in and do whatever the fuck they want, no consent needed, then wipes the girls’ memory. That chick’s just another victim of this fuckin’ cesspit of a society.”

“Right, we live in a  _ society _ .”

“I’m not fuckin’ around.” He leaned closer to her, hand on the ground between them to prop himself up. “You see all the fucked up shit that happens here every day, that’s happened to you, to me, to everyone else this city’s fuckin’ eaten alive. Capitalism eatin’ away at us all, one day at a time, til there’s fuck all left but a rotting carcass.”

V nodded, considering him closely. He was right, they both knew it. The fat cats at the top sat there getting richer while poor bastards like us wither away on the streets, unable to do a thing about it. Well, Johnny tried.

“Yeah, and look where it got me.” His tone was his usual antagonistic one, but she could hear the sadness underlying it, slithering in. 

He leaned back, breaking eye contact with her to resume his perusal of their surroundings. He looked different than the other times he’d appeared. His arms weren’t crossed over his chest, almost like lifting a barrier. He seemed sadder, but also calmer. Probably because that’s exactly how she felt. She didn’t know who had felt it first, and at this point, she didn’t care. She was just so fucking tired. She was so tired of fighting constantly, pushing back against him every second of the day, and from what she could feel in her chest, he reciprocated the feeling. 

“Listen, Johnny..” His eyes turned back to her, gazing at her with a mild level of curiosity. “I don’t wanna spend every day I’ve got left fightin’ you. We’re both stuck together until I conk it, and I know you don’t like it any more than I do, but if we’re gonna be stuck like this we gotta find some common ground.”

He took a drag, gesturing at her to continue. 

“We need a give and take here. I wanna be able to trust you, seeing as I’ve got little other choice, and you want me to help you finish your business off, right?”

Another nod.

“Right, well then.” She cleared her throat dramatically, placing her right hand over her heart. “I, V, do swear that I will from this day forth, help you sort your old shit out.” dropping her hand back down, her lips twitching upwards into a small smile, his own features mirroring hers. Johnny flicked his cigarette out into the sand, placing his flesh hand over his own chest and sitting up straight.

“Okay then. I Johnny…” He paused. “What do you want exactly?”

“I want you to be less of a bastard.”

“Right-”

“And stop threatening to take over my body whenever you’re pissed at me.”

“Rig-”

“And respect that I got boundaries I don’t want you to cross. You don’t poke around where you’re not wanted, and I’ll do the same.”

“Jesus Christ V, fine. I, Johnny, Rock legend, freedom fighter-”

“ _ Johnny _ -”

“Fine, fine. I, Johnny, promise to try and be less of a bastard, stop threatenin’ to take over, and- what was that third one again?”

V rolled her eyes, though not in the frustrated way she usually did with him, more playfully. “Can’t remember three things? Old age must really be gettin’ to you.”

“Fuck off. Third one.”

“Respecting boundaries.” She prompted, waiting for him to finish. 

“Right, and to not go pokin’ around where you don’t want me pokin’.” He raised an eyebrow, teasingly. “Unless..”

“Nope. Absolutely not, get your brain outta the fuckin’ gutter.”

He raised his hands up, relenting. The air around them felt different, less claustrophobic. V outstretched her hand towards him, crossing the gap between them.

“V, worst merc in Night City.”

He grabbed her hand with his flesh one, shaking it with a firm grip.

“Johnny, Night City legend.”

She snorted, letting her hand drop back down to the sand once more. She still wasn’t going to forget their argument at Clouds in a hurry, or the image of Evelyn’s body lying there, unmoving, but she could breathe a little easier, even if it was just for tonight. They were out here already and it was late, she couldn’t be bothered hauling ass all the way back to her apartment for a couple of hours shut eye. She shimmied her jacket off and rolled it up, placing it on the sand behind her as she lay down, using it as a pillow. She heard Johnny shifting about, presuming he had probably done the same. The stars had always been her favourite thing about the desert, millions of tiny lights covering the vast expanse above them. It was the first time since Jackie died that she’d felt any kind of peace. 

Everything was still absolutely fucked. Evelyn had killed herself despite all their efforts, Jackie was still dead, and she was still dying, losing herself piece by piece. But laying here under the stars, which had been there for billions of years before she had, and would remain constant a billion years after she was gone, she let all her problems feel small, just for one night. If she and Johnny could find some kind of equilibrium, managing to coexist without losing their sanity, then maybe there was a chance they could figure this out.

Her eyes drooped, fluttering closed as a heavy weariness overcame her. She was almost over the precipice of sleep when she heard his voice. 

“Night, V.”

“G’night Johnny.” she mumbled, letting sleep wash over her under the curtain of stars. 


	4. The Emperor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The Emperor represents patriarchal control and is pleased with the authority and power he possesses to shape the future. The Emperor makes the rules and enforces them for the common good. But prestige has its dark sides – the Emperor is dominating and ruthless and will climb over a mountain of bodies to achieve his aim.”

She could feel her heart pummeling against her ribs, adrenaline surging through her veins like ice. Throbbing pain radiated from her back when she slammed into the concrete roof, watching helplessly as the chopper faded away into the night. Loud, heavy footsteps shook the floor beneath her, and the violent nausea rising in the pit of her stomach told her exactly who they belonged to. 

“Smasher.” She grimaced, speaking in a voice that wasn’t quite her own. Her hand desperately grappled with the ground, reaching out for her gun.  _ Her _ gun? A heavy-duty, Arasaka emblazoned boot came into view, kicking the gun and sending it flying far from her reach. 

“Told ya Johnny boy.” Not her gun then. “Told you I’d end you someday.”

She could feel the fight in her draining, morphing into an all too familiar dread. Adam Smasher loomed over her, arm pointed down at her ready to fire. She raised her metal arm above her, less out of hope of survival than a last-ditch attempt to show that they hadn’t given in. A blast, then nothing but blinding agony as her arm crashed uselessly to the floor, sparking wires jutting out where they didn’t belong. She screwed her eyes shut, praying for the pain to stop, for this to be over as soon as possible. And then Smasher was gone, the dark sky of Night City replaced by the view of Arasaka tower crumbling in the distance.

But it wasn’t relief she felt. No, as Saburo Arasaka entered the room with a solemn expression on his face, nausea swirling in her threatened to overwhelm her. She could feel the cold, metal device clamped around her head as Saburo slowly approached the chair that rendered her immobile.

“It is so...humbling - to listen to the dead speak.” 

His words cut through her like frozen shards, chilling her to the bone. She knew this, each line surfacing in her mind like lyrics to a song she couldn’t forget, each response muscle memory. 

“Begin.”

And then there was nothing but pain. An excruciating, all-encompassing agony like a million small blades tearing her apart from the inside, every nerve in her body set alight. She knew she was screaming, she could feel it, but she was so overwhelmed by the pain that she couldn’t hear herself, or anything else. The world faded away as she convulsed in the chair, the only thing her mind could piece together was a quiet beg for death, anything to stop it. 

***

V jolted upright, scream still on her lips, clothes clinging to her sweat-soaked body. Gasping for breath, she grasped the side of the bed and dry heaved over the edge. She wretched, the echoes of pain from the dream still crawling through her body. 

She knew she wasn’t alone, she felt his presence before she saw him. Johnny stood, leaning against the window with a cigarette in his hand, looking to the untrained observer as he did on any other godforsaken day. But she’d been around him enough by now to notice the small details that were off. The flesh hand that brought the cigarette to his lips had a small tremor, and his aviators were missing, revealing the distant, haunted expression behind his eyes. If he felt anything like she did right now, she would have to approach this with caution. The fact that he even let her see him like this was a sign of trust on his part, and that was a delicate thing. 

“..Johnny?”

He looked down at her, startled as if he hadn’t even noticed her there. Blinking, recognition washed across his face, followed quickly on its heels by weariness. He puffed out a cloud of smoke in a long, deep exhale. 

“Yeah, V?”

“You wanna talk about it?”

Johnny scoffed, flicking his cigarette onto the floor and stamping on it with his foot, despite the fact that it was already gone. Still, he came to sit on the edge of the bed beside her, slumping down with a tiredness that she felt in her bones. 

“Nothin’ to talk about, happened a long time ago.”

“Know that, but don’t you-”

“Drop it, V.”

“But-”

“ _ V.”  _

His posture didn’t change but his tone did. She’d pushed it too far. He sighed, turning to face her on the bed. 

“Remember that talk ‘bout boundaries? This is mine, so leave it V.”

Fuck. When they’d made that promise she hadn’t seen it backfiring on her. But his request was fair and she knew it. She’d asked him to respect hers, and so far he’d honored that promise. The least she could was respect his.

“Got it, ‘m sorry for pushin’.”

“Nothin’ to apologise for.”

They sat there in silence, both staring at their feet, wondering who would be the first to break it. She wouldn’t push it again, not when he had just started to be less of an asshole. But fuck, he looked so sad. He was there next to her in the apartment, but she could feel his mind still trapped in 2023, unable to pull himself out. The moment she went to open her mouth, he stood up, moving to leave, probably to go and sprawl out on the sofa, to put some distance between them. He obviously hadn’t planned on being stopped by her hand grasping his wrist, tugging him back down to the bed. Johnny stared at her, contemplating, question on the tip of his tongue. 

“Just, give me a sec. If you don’t wanna you can say and we’ll forget about it, but..”

V shifted back on the bed to lie down with her head propped up on the pillows behind her, and then she opened her arms and watched him, waiting to see his reaction to the unspoken offer. She could see the conflict playing out across his face, one part wanting to indulge himself if only for tonight, the other wanting to disappear back into the recesses of her mind and never speak about this again. And V understood, this was uncharted territory for them. It could be nothing, just a moment of comfort for the night, or it could complicate things. 

There was a subtle shift in his eyes the moment he made his decision. They were softer, warmer than they had been before, though they didn’t meet her own as he removed his tactical vest, toeing his boots off, and climbed up the bed to her. They shuffled around each other awkwardly, both trying to figure out where to go, where to put their arms, their legs. Eventually they found a position that seemed to work, V on her back, Johnny lying half over her, his face tucked into the crook of her neck. She could feel his soft breath, warm against her skin. They were comfortable enough, but the tension in his body was evident as his body remained stiff beside her. 

“It’s okay, y’know.” She spoke in a low voice, not wanting to break the atmosphere that had settled around the bed.

“..’s okay?”

“The flashbacks? Five years or fifty, trauma’s still trauma, no shame in it.” 

He said nothing, but she could feel his quiet gratitude mixed in with her own. V brought a hand up to his head, thankful for once that she kept her nails as long as she did, and began gently scratching his scalp in slow circles. It only took seconds to see the effect, the tension he’d been holding melting away as he relaxed into her arms. She’d seen enough inside his mind to know that this was a rare thing, letting himself be so vulnerable with another person, and she didn’t take the show of trust for granted. 

They lay there in the dark of her apartment, neither sleeping. Both instead choosing to enjoy this brief moment of respite while it lasted. Until the sun came up, they could pretend they weren’t V and Johnny Silverhand, both either dead or dying, but just two people appreciating each other’s company, in the quiet, calm eye of the storm that was Night City. 


	5. The High Priestess

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The High Priestess is a card of mystery. It shows how all our secrets hang by a delicate thread and the struggle between common sense and intuition. The High Priestess symbolizes the cold, calm waters as well as the mysteries hidden in their depths."

“I don’t trust ‘em V.”

“You don’t trust anyone, Johnny.” V rolled her eyes as she climbed off the arch, parked right outside the Grand Imperial Mall, ready for a hasty exit should things turn hairy as they so often did for her. 

Not that he didn’t have a point though, she’d hardly received a warm welcome from the Voodoo Boys. And having Placide as a glorified babysitter in her head didn’t exactly fill her with confidence. But beggars can’t be choosers , and they were swiftly approaching begging territory. One job, that was it. Do this one thing for them and they could talk to Brigitte, which meant one step closer to Alt - whoever that was. 

Still, as she crept past the Animals, darting into the main shopping centre, she could feel the doubt lingering in the back of her mind, or was that Johnny? It was harder to tell by the day, and fuck if that didn’t scare her.

Reaching the van proved simple enough, managing to stay out of view. Even she was surprised by how smooth it had gone. So of course there was more to it. Could never be that fucking simple. So ‘find the van’ turned into ‘find and incapacitate the Netrunner’, and V was becoming less confident by the second that Placide would ever honour his end of the bargain. 

Creeping past Sasquatch, determined to not start a fight she wasn’t sure she could finish, she slipped inside the old theatre.

Placide’s sudden interjection made her jump, his voice hard to make out over the static. 

“We need access to their data. First you must-“ More static, and then silence. 

“Placide?” Nothing. Fuck. They were on their own for this part then. Couldn’t be that hard though, right? Take out the Netrunner,  _ grab the data _ , delta out of there. Always had to be one more fuckin’ thing. It should have been that straight forward, but the damn Netrunner had to start talking about ‘Ranyons’, telling her how she was playing right into the Voodoo Boys hand, doing their dirty work just to be taken out back and put down like a dog. The idea that they’d spiked her with a virus didn’t seem entirely far fetched, but the guy could also be bluffing for his life. 

“Hah, working you so obvious it hurts.” Well, Johnny agreed then. 

She ran a diagnostic like he asked, and again, but the identical readings hardly screamed false. No more so anyway than this guys bull. Didn’t stop her considering his offer though. Was it wrong to hedge her bets? Brigitte would be freed either way, and that was all they needed. But while she hardly trusted the Voodoo Boys, she wasn’t a fucking idiot, and she wasn’t gonna let some Netwatch hotshot go fumbling round her system just on the off chance that he wasn’t bullshitting her. 

“Think I’ll just stick to my plan, thanks.” V tackled the Netrunner to the floor and jacked into his port. Then there was nothing but a searing pain shooting through her, her whole body convulsing from the shock. And then black. 

*** 

She opened her eyes groggily, a throbbing pain pounding in her skull. Johnny was stood over her, observing her with a level of concern that surprised her. 

“Hey V? V? You alright?” He squatted down beside her, face twisted into a frown, scanning over her body to assess if any damage had been done. 

“Ugh.. what happened?” She pushed herself up, taking hold of the hand he offered to pull herself to her feet, keeping hold of it to steady herself as the world swayed around her. She was thankful that he didn’t take it back, just gave it a short squeeze and let her hold onto it like an anchor. 

“Damn net pig was right, soon as you gave them access to the Netwatch web they roasted all their agents,  _ and  _ you.”

Fucking bastards. This is what she got for trusting anyone in this city apparently, always ended in her brain getting fried. 

“Biochip swoop in to save the day again?”

“Probably, you’re welcome by the way.” 

She scoffed, but didn’t bother to hide the small smile that crept onto her face.

“They took you for pathetic gutter trash, someone nobody would come lookin’ for.”

“Hm, felt like those words came to you a bit too easy there Johnny.” 

“Well, you do look like shit right now-“

V laughed, appreciating the attempt to lighten the mood, even if she did nearly just get nerfed.

“-But I guess you have your good days.” Oh? A compliment? From Johnny? God she really must be looking fuckin’ rough if he was being nice. Still, she took her hand from his and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. A nervous habit, but why was she nervous? 

“Gee, thanks I guess.”

He gave her a short jab in the side with his elbow, startling her and bringing her back to the present, and their little problem. 

“C’mon kid, think it’s time we headed back for a little heart to heart with our pal Placide. Grumpy motherfucker, hope he likes surprises.” 

_ Grumpy motherfucker  _ was rich coming from him. 

“Ouch! Fuckin’ quit it!” He elbow her again, thus proving her point. Grumpy motherfucker indeed. But as she rubbed her hand along her ribs where his elbow had come into contact, she felt something unexpected. A warmth settling in her chest. It was nice, she guessed, that for the first time since Jackie died, she felt like someone had her back. 

  
  


***

  
  


The best thing she could say about Brigitte was that she didn’t want her dead. Well, she wanted the chip intact, but if that’s what it took to make sure they weren’t about to try and flatline her again she could live with a slightly bruised ego. They needed Brigitte, she knew they did, but the second she spat the word “whore” at the mention of Evelyn, just for a moment V indulged herself in imagining the satisfaction of taking on the whole building, guns blazing. Any other time, she knew Johnny would be all over that, but the faint disapproval she felt in the back of her head told her it was important to keep a level head. For now, at least. 

She followed Brigitte down the small, winding tunnels leading to the catacombs, the deeper they went, the more anxiety she felt building in her. Brigitte carried on ahead when V was overwhelmed by another relic attack, a smaller one, gripping onto the rock wall beside her as she hacked up more blood, choking as it came up. Gasping for breath as the waves of pain shot through her, she felt a hand come to rest on the small of her back, rubbing it reassuringly until she had recovered enough to resume on their path down. She continued to follow it all the way down, Brigitte’s voice growing closer as she caught up with her, but the hand on the small of her back stayed, a solid, grounding presence keeping the building anxiety at bay.

They came to an opening, a big room with multiple Netrunning set ups forming a circle in the centre. Brigitte came to a stop by the nearest one, turning to the laptop beside her, barely paying attention to V as she set to work. 

“We take you into cyberspace. No better place for you to interact with the construct.”

Ah. Into cyberspace, down in the catacombs of the Voodoo Boys church, under their ‘watchful eye’. It hardly filled her with confidence, and she could feel Johnny’s doubt stirring amongst her own, but what other options did they have at this point? V’s attention snapped back to Brigitte at the mention of the name Alt.

“We wish to contact Alt Cunningham. We know she and Silverhand were close.”

She? V looked towards Johnny who had been smoking leant against a netrunner chair opposite, hand frozen halfway to his lips. Realistically she knew an engram didn’t have blood, so why did it look like it had drained from his face?

“Alt?” He didn’t even glance at V, fixing Brigitte with a scrutinising stare as she explained how they would use the relic to contact Alt beyond the Blackwall. She turned to Johnny, hoping he would be willing to offer forth information before they were in too deep.

“Johnny, looks like you’re the bait. You okay with that?” She knew the answer before she had asked, but part of her was screaming at him to say no, to tell her to delta out of there, find another option. But of course he didn’t. 

“Yeah, whatever. Just do what she says.” He sounded so damn tense. Who was Alt? She knew they’d been looking for them, whoever they were, but they sure must’ve made an impression on him to get him this worked up.

She finally noticed the tub Brigitte was gesturing to, telling her to get it. A big, metal tub, filled to the brim with water and ice. Fuck that. 

“Oh come on, not the tub.” 

Brigitte shook her head. “We must get you prepared for cyberspace. You are not accustomed to the neural demand.”

“Don’t try to get outta this V, just do as she says, I’m not about to sizzle with you.” His words were blunt, the edge he’d had when they had first met creeping back in. She wanted to be pissed at him. He wasn’t the one who was about to cram themselves into a tub of ice and flung into cyberspace. But sharing a brain had it’s benefits, and she could feel not malice in his words, but concern, and concern for  _ her  _ at that. 

“Fine, let’s do this.”

She climbed into the tub, the shock of cold hitting her full on, winding her as she forgot how to breathe. Lowering herself slowly into the water, she gripped the sides of the tub so tight she swore they could have dented. Her breaths began coming in short bursts, her eyes darting around the room as panic overtook her. Hands grabbed her head and pulled it back, and she felt something attached to her forehead. Her whole body shook, breath unable to slow down as she felt the world closing in around her. 

“J-Johnny?”

Her vision was blurred, but she couldn’t make him out anywhere. Fuck. She needed to get out, leave now. She felt her eyes begin to burn and scrunched them shut. 

And then there was a hand grabbing hers, prying it off the side of the tub and squeezing it tight enough to cut through the panic. She couldn’t bring herself to open her eyes but she knew he was there. 

“V? C’mon, gotta breathe. Can’t have you flatlined before you’ve even started.” 

His tone indicated his attempt to lighten the mood, but the reminder of what was about to happen made it worse. She scrunched her face tighter as she felt tears escape, hand clutching to his like a life preserver. Johnny’s voice muttered something, but it sounded so far away she couldn’t make it out. She could only hear her blood rushing in her ears and her rapid breathing. 

There was no change in the water level, and the ice remained undisturbed, but she felt something solid come to rest in the tub behind her, and a pair of legs coming around the sides of her body. The flesh hand remained grasped in her own, but the metal one, almost warm amongst the ice, came to rest on her chest.

“Shhh, hey. I got you. breathe with me now. In. And out. C’mon V, with me.” 

She tried, forcing out a slow, shaking exhale, hiccuping on the intake. 

“‘S good, doin’ good Darlin’, c’mon keep going.” 

And she did, following his breath as she felt in the rise and fall of his chest pressed against her back. Her breath was still shaking, not quite back to normal, but the panic that had been threatening to overwhelm her had subsided to a quiet buzz in the pit of her stomach. Uncomfortable, but manageable. 

She had regained enough of her sense to reflect on what he was doing. He didn’t normally stick around for this kind of thing, choosing to delta at the first sign of turmoil. She could brush it off easily, he was just interested in getting this show on the road, talking to this Alt. But she could feel something else there, the same warmth she had felt earlier. 

“She is ready.” 

Her vision around her flickered, turning the world around her into nothing more than stands of code, fizzling away. As it did, she felt a small squeeze on her hand once more, a message.  _ I got you.  _

_ Did he call her Darling? _

Everything went black. 

  
  


***

  
  


Well shit. So that was Alt Cunningham. She’d figured she knew Johnny pretty well by now, sharing a brain and all, but to truly see the extent of what a crazy, self-absorbed bastard he was? Alt had been kidnapped and it has to be all about him didn’t it? Didn’t even know what she did for a living, that she was one of the best fucking Netrunners in Night City? She could have punched the bastard herself, and if she was honest there was a good chance she would have, had she only seen that. 

But she’d also seen their raid on Arasaka Tower, the first one, didn’t even know there had  _ been  _ a first one. But she’d felt the terror setting his body alight as they’d fought their way through the building, only one thing on his mind. He might be a self-centred bastard, but fuck if he hadn’t loved her. She’d felt his world drop out from underneath him as he held Alt’s face in his hands, begging her to say something. The absolute desperation as he held her, the all-encompassing grief that consumed his soul. No amount of bullshit meant he deserved that, nobody did.

“Well? Spit it out ‘fore you burst.” Johnny spat, pacing back and forth. 

Still, he had been a fucking bastard.

“Wow, were you going for douchebag of the year?”

He froze, spinning around to face her, anger contorting his face. “The fuck you going on about?”

“Alt, you always treat her like shit?”

“Fuck, you must’ve been watching some other flick, took down fuckin’ Arasaka Tower for her.”

“And? You told her you cared about her as far as the end of your fuckin’ cock!”

“You fuckin’ hear what she said to me?”

“Did you really even care about her?”

The second she said it, she instantly regretted it. Something clicked in the back of her head, and the anger she felt toward his all but disappeared, and she just felt so fucking sorry for him. Sorry that he was so fucked in the head, he didn’t know how to show Alt he loved her if he tried. And then she’d been murdered, by Arasaka of all people. Everything in his life had been taken by corpos over and over again, even took him in the end. 

She wanted to say something, but nothing would come out. This wasn’t the time or place, but the look on his face made her heart clench in her chest. Words could wait. Reaching out, she lay a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it, hoping he could feel everything she wanted to say in the gesture. The anger on his face faltered, and she knew he understood. Turning away from her, he moved to lean over the balcony of the Arasaka Tower facsimile. 

“So.. how we gonna contact Alt exactly? Pretty sure I saw her..” she didn’t want to finish that sentence. Didn’t need to. 

“Didn’t die that day, she managed to escape, fled into the net.” 

“And how’d you find that out?” 

“When she made contact.”

Oh. 

“Said she was held captive in an Arasaka subnet, but they couldn’t hurt her. Told me not to come lookin’ for her.”

_ Oh.  _

“And you..”

“Got my hands on two thermonuclear charges.”

“..and headed back to Arasaka Tower.”

The man she’d first met had stormed Arasaka Tower, a ‘monument to corporate colonialism’ to stick it to the man, take down the establishment. And that’s who she thought he was. A rocker who thought he could single handedly take down the entire corporate world with nothing but his pistol and his ego. But this? He’d gone on a damn suicide mission because they took the woman he loved. And in return, he’d got fried and trapped by the same fuckin’ Corps. 

V had so many questions. She wanted to ask him about Alt, fuck, she wanted to ask him if he was okay. But they all seemed redundant. And they were here to do a job. There would be time later to deal with all this messy shit, for now, they just had to go and talk to his dead girlfriend. 

“Are you.. you good? Goin’ to talk to Alt, I mean.” 

He contemplated her for a moment, and she swore he was going to say something, but he stopped himself and shook his head. 

“Let’s get it over with.” 

  
  


***

  
  


_ “Alt, this is V. Need you to save her life.” _

When exactly had it changed? At what point did it switch from making sure he didn't lose his second chance, to making sure that she survived no matter what. She felt it too, knew something was different, but she didn’t know when it had happened. It brought back that warm feeling, knowing he cared enough to make sure she made it through, regardless of the consequences. 

They were sat, side by side in the fading sunlight of Pacifica, perched just outside the chapel. Johnny sat with his hands clasped in front of him, legs bouncing up and down in agitation. Her clothes were still dripping wet, but the sun was helping somewhat. Someone had to bring it up, but neither wanted to be the first. There was too much to unpack, too many things unsaid. 

“Johnny, I’m…” fuck, she was what? Sorry? Sorry that he’d lost the woman he loved, died trying to free her, just to find she was barely more than code anymore, the human in her gone with her corporeal form? Sorry he’d lost her and he’d never been able to tell her he loved her, never even shown it, because he never knew how? Or sorry that he’d lost the one thing he had left, his soul, to the people he spent his life fighting against? 

“‘M just, sorry. For.. all of it.” 

Johnny sighed, taking off his aviators to rub his hands over his face. 

“Not your fault, V.”

“I know, but still.” She reached over and placed a hand on his knee, which froze at the contact, stopped mid bounce. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t move away either, so she let it rest there, hoping it could provide some form of comfort to him.

She thought back to what had been said in cyberspace, about making her an engram to save her. 

_ “Everything changes. You know that.” _

Everything had already changed. She could feel the constant pull of him. The way she would wake up every morning with a few more fragments of herself gone. Less of her own soul left, more of his in its wake.

“You think I’ll notice the change?” She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, unsure if she wanted to hear his answer. “The day there’s more you than me. Or is it one of those things, I’ll wake up wondering why I ever feared it?”

“Worst thing you can do to a human, rip their identity out of them. That’s all I know.” 

And he did know. He knew too damn well. She thought back again to what Alt had said, the human in her was long since gone, stolen the longer she stayed in there. And when she looked in his eyes, she knew he was thinking about it too. 

“For what it’s worth, ‘m fuckin’ sorry too. Don’t wanna do it to you either.” 

“‘S not your fault either Johnny.” 

He said nothing, but she could feel his guilt as clear as her own, nearly drowning in it. 

“I mean it, none of it is.” 

“Look, V...” He placed his hand on top of her own, still resting on his knee. “I’ve fucked up before, too many times to fuckin’ count. But I’m not gonna do the same here. Not gonna make the same mistake I made with Alt.”

She hoped he’d missed the way her breath hitched.

“I’m not gonna pussy around it, don’t want you dead. And I’m gonna make sure you make it outta this. We clear?”

She nodded, not trusting her voice. The feeling that was almost becoming familiar by now, that warm comfort of knowing she wasn’t alone had settled in her, and feeling around inside, she thought she could feel something similar on his end. 

“‘Sides, anythin’ happens to you and I don’t get to see Panam’s sweet ass again.”

She dug her elbow into his side, allowing herself to enjoy the levity he injected into the conversation. 

“You’re a dick.”

“And you’re a cunt. Maybe we’ll fit together after all.” 

It was stupid, and cheesy, and she let out a laugh despite herself. They had so much more to do, and they were still very much on the clock, but the sun was warm against her skin, and she felt lighter. She wanted to sit there just a little while longer, before the weight of it all came crashing back down on them again. From the squeeze of her hand, she knew he agreed. So they sat there, in a comfortable silence, basking in the last rays of the setting sun, just letting themselves be. 


	6. The Moon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have I switched the canonical order of events to better suit my own angst? Yes. The author is dead and I've stolen their car keys, get in losers. 
> 
> “The Moon reminds us that reality is not always what it seems at first glance. In a world of appearances and illusions, the best course is often charted by one's own intuition. The Moon is also the card of dreams, desires, and of course, sleep – Death's nightly ritual.”

It was like death, she decided, being trapped in there. 

She knew it was different for Johnny. Even when she took the blockers he could still see everything, hear everything. But not for her. Once she took the pseudoendotrizine she was plunged into darkness. For all she knew she  _ was _ dead. Just like when she was shot in the head, everything went black and there was nothing, just a void. She was glad she didn’t have a body in that moment, because if she had, reliving that would’ve been enough to send her over the edge. Hell, it still might be. 

She was taking a big risk letting Johnny take control, she knew that. God, she could only imagine what Vik would say if she told him. And she wouldn’t blame him. In retrospect, she was a fuckin’ gonk to let him do it, but maybe, just maybe, she’d wanted to believe they had started to build some kind of relationship, one with trust. Apparently fucking not.

V lay on the bed, curled in on herself. The room was thick with the smell of cigarette smoke and vomit, and she felt like her brain was dripping out of her ear. Every inch of her body was in pain, she felt like she’d been in a fucking car crash. 

Oh.

Of course she had. Fucking bastard. 

She was sure she was too wiped, in too much pain to have this fight with him right now. Until she heard it.

“Shit. Had no idea the pills would lay you out like this.”

V thought she was angry when she was shot in the head. Even more so when she woke up with a dead terrorist stuck in her head. But she hadn’t been angry then. Because if that was anger, this was something new, and she hoped to god he felt it and was fucking scared, because he should be. 

She winced, scrunching her eyes shut against the pain threatening to overwhelm her, pushing herself up, flinging her legs over the side of the bed to face him. So he could look in her eyes and see just how badly he had fucked up.

“No Johnny, neither did I.” She threw him a sickly sweet smile, waiting for the penny to drop. “Maybe, you think that could  _ possibly _ be, because you knocked ‘em back with enough tequila to take out a fuckin’ elephant. And then followed it up with a side of fuck knows what drugs.  _ Then _ -”

“Listen, V-”

“Did I sound like I was  _ fucking finished _ ?”

If the look on her face hadn’t been enough to shut him up, her voice stopped him in his tracks. She watched his adam’s apple bob nervously as he retreated further from the bed, arms crossed over in a defensive stance. 

“ _ Then _ ,” She pointed a finger towards him, slowly approaching as he continued to back up. “You thought it would be what, funny? To go and get  _ my  _ body- not yours, if you remember- decked in the fucking face.” 

Johnny’s back had hit the wall, so he leaned against it, arms folded as if he was just getting comfortable, and not scared shitless by the woman approaching him.

“But that wasn’t enough, was it Johnny boy?” She didn’t miss the way he winced at the name. She also didn’t care. “No. You went and fingered a joytoy, once again in  _ my  _ body, causing a fucking car crash. Could’ve flatlined us both, you know that right? Do you even give a shit? Johnny?” 

She was inches away from him when she stumbled, legs giving out from the pain and lack of stability. Regardless of the circumstances, Johnny still darted towards her, reaching to grab her by the arms to keep her upright, but she shoved him away and sent him stumbling back towards the wall.

“Don’t  _ fucking  _ touch me!” She panted, grasping onto the nearby counter. 

They stood there, eyes locked across the small distance between them. He tried for all it was worth to look calm, unaffected, but his wide, panicked eyes behind his shades gave more than enough away. Good. He should be fucking scared like she was. 

“V...I’m-”

“What? Sorry?” She scoffed. “‘Course you’re sorry, that’s all you ever fuckin’ are. Why avoid doing stupid shit when you can just apologise after, hey?”

“It’s not that-”

“Did you even think about me? When you were getting your rocks off in  _ my  _ body- not ours,  _ mine _ . Did you consider, for even a moment, ‘Hey, V trusts me, probably shouldn’t fuck this up.’?”

“Listen!”

“No Johnny, you fucking listen!” She pushed herself off the counter and approached him again, fists clenched tight by her sides, eyes stinging with unshed tears. “ _ I’m _ the one who’s dying here.  _ I’m _ the one who's gonna be dead this time two, three weeks.  _ You,”  _ She finally reached him, taking the chance to jab her finger so hard into his chest that his back hit the wall “Are the fuckin’ parasite who gets to live at the end of all’a this.”

“That’s not fuckin’ fair V, I didn’t ask-”

She laughed. A loud, strained laugh that only reared its head in someone so far off the deep end it didn’t matter anymore. 

“No, you’re right. You didn’t ask for that. All you asked for was a chance to go talk to Rogue, to help  _ me _ . And like a fuckin’ idiot I believed you. Thought that just maybe, we’d started to build something here, some kind of trust. But you-” She stopped, trying to catch her breath. Her eyes met the bottle of omega blockers across the room and she started towards them, yanking off the lid and flinging it to the floor, grabbing a small blue pill in her fist. 

Her hand shook as she gripped the pill, looking from her fist, over to Johnny’s pleading expression, and back to the fist again. She just had to take it. Take the fucking tablet. God, how hard was it? 

“Fuck!” She choked out a sob as she looked down at her hand once more, frustration overpowering her, she threw the pill at the wall where Johnny stood. It glitched through him and fell to the floor.

Even now, when she wanted nothing more than to make him feel the pain he’d put her through, she couldn’t do it to him. It wasn’t fucking fair. 

“Fucking ghost off Johnny. Right. Now.” 

Her voice trembled but she had never been more serious in her life. He must’ve felt that too because he was gone in an instant, leaving her alone to drag herself back to the small, cramped bed in the corner of the room. She collapsed over the edge, all the adrenaline that had pushed her through dissipating with Johnny. Curling back in on herself once more, she let herself feel all the hurt and betrayal that had been coursing through her since she woke up, sobs painfully heaving through her body. She’d not felt this alone since Jackie died, and now here she was, going the same way he did. 

No, at least Jackie had her. She was so fucking alone. In that moment all V wanted was for the relic to take over in her sleep, to stop her having to feel this anymore.

She could feel an upheaval of guilt swirling around inside her, and she knew it wasn’t her own.  _ Good. _ She hoped he felt fucking guilty, but guilty wasn’t good enough. Guilt couldn’t bring back that trust he’d so artfully dismantled, just as he always had done, and they both knew it.

***

Johnny had been surprisingly absent for the parade. No snide comments towards Takemura, no mocking her lack of stealth as she crept around, fumbling to take out each sniper one by one. Even as she’d fought Oda, she saw neither hide nor hair of him. Sure, she could feel him; feel his building anxiety the closer she got to her targets, his concern when Oda crashed into the room, but he stayed away. Good. She still didn’t think she could stomach looking at his face right now without wanting to put a brick through it. Though a small part of her was grateful he was still there, still concerned for her. Was it for her though? Or was it just for his own sake? 

And then of course Takemura had to go and kidnap Hanako fucking Arasaka. Because they weren’t in enough deep shit already. Johnny’s voice surfaced in the back of her mind, a warning not to go to that safe house. He was probably right too. But whether out of a sense of duty or simply out of spite, she hopped onto the arch and drove there as fast as she could go, a growing feeling of dread following her every second she got closer. 

She didn’t expect Hanako to believe her story, she barely did herself, but the rejection still stung all the same. After all the effort, all the risks they took to get here, another dead end. 

Johnny sensed trouble before anyone else, practically shouting in her head as she approached the door cautiously.

“V, I'm serious. Delta the fuck out of here now!”

Too late. The blast from the window sent her flying, her head slamming painfully into the wall behind her. Another blast, blindingly bright, and the world dropped out from under her, sending her plummeting down. 

Her vision faded back into focus, pain radiating from her back as she struggled to push herself off the rubble beneath her. 

“V! Gotta get the fuck outta here!”

Johnny bent down in front of her, hand outstretched, which she grabbed onto appreciatively and hauled herself onto her feet, stumbling into him. He grabbed her by the shoulder and pushed her towards the door, but she couldn’t leave. Not yet.

“Takemura, can’t leave him there!”

“Fuck, V. He’s dead, and you will be too if you don’t start movin’!”

She wasn’t listening, already pushing past him and running up the nearest stairs. She could hear him curse behind her, following close on her heels as she ran back to the room, praying she wasn’t too late. Taking out the Arasaka men with ease, she shouted across the room to Takemura.

“Goro, we gotta fuckin’ delta, right now!”

They managed to escape the building, darting past the guards to reach the exit. The second they burst through the doors, the relic kicked it with its typically shitty timing. V collapsed to the ground, hacking up blood onto the concrete beneath her as Takemura overtook her, pausing only briefly to speak.

“We must go different ways, alone we have a better chance!”

And with that he was fucking gone, leaving V heaving on the ground. There would be Arasaka agents on her any second, and he’d as good as left her for dead. Not that she wasn’t used to that by now, but it still stung of betrayal all the same. 

“Don’t you fuckin dare give up V, gotta get you out of the city.”

Familiar hands pulled her up off the ground, her shaking legs barely able to support her own weight. Johnny brought her arm around his shoulders, pulling them both towards the Arch, holding onto her until she was seated and regained her balance. He disappeared from sight the second he moved away, but not like he had days ago. She could still feel him, making his presence known in her mind, urging her onwards. And that’s where she went, speeding out of the city faster than Arasaka could see. 

***

What a fuckin’ gonk. How many times would this happen to her before she learned her lesson? Anyone she trusted was gonna fuck her over, and here she was, yet again, in a dingy motel room in the middle of fucking nowhere, licking her wounds and wondering if it was the relic’s effect or whether she’d always been this god damned naive. Not a peep from Goro. Not since he’d left her for dead outside of the safehouse. And she certainly hadn’t expected to hear from Hanako before him. 

Johnny sat across the room from her, slumped against the wall, looking as exhausted as she felt. The same feeling of trepidation sat in their guts, festering the more they thought about Hanako’s proposition. A meeting was just a meeting, but this was something more. Somehow it made the reality of her approaching expiry date feel even more real, and she was scared shitless. 

“Well, here we are. Couple of fuck ups in the middle of nowhere, with Arasaka waiting in the wings yet again.”

She spared him a withering glare from her seat on the filthy, bug-infested mattress, and he wisely seemed to decide to get off her ass. Instead, he dematerialised. 

Her stomach dropped as she thought he’d left her too, but that swept away when he reappeared beside her on the bed. She swore she could feel it dip down with his weight. That couldn’t be a good sign. She was definitely on her way out, closer by the minute. 

“Look, V..”

“What? Fuckin’ spit it out.”

He stopped abruptly and she turned to look at him, guilt gnawing at her when she saw the hurt in his eyes. Not that he didn’t deserve it. But she was too tired, too hurt, and too lonely to fight with him anymore. She gave a deflated sigh and slumped into him, pleased when he had the decency to wrap his arm around her shoulder and bring her in closer.

“‘M just tired, Johnny.”

He rubbed his thumb back and forth over the bare skin on her shoulder, turning to rest his chin on the top of her head, which she allowed to be tucked into the crook of his neck.

“I know Darlin’, I know.” 

They sat there, neither one daring to speak and disturb the moment. She was still angry, she could feel the hurt sitting in her chest, a sharp stabbing pain near her heart. But here, with nobody else around, she craved his comfort like her life depended on it. It felt like it  _ did _ depend on it. And here he was, willing to provide, not vanishing at the first sign of trouble like he had in the beginning. 

“‘M still mad at you.” She mumbled into his skin, words slurring together as fatigue grabbed hold of her, dragging her down into a fuzzy, half-asleep state. 

He squeezed his arm around her tighter, and fuck if it didn’t make her feel better, safe from the world that was constantly trying to take her down. 

“I know. And for what it’s worth, ‘m sorry.”

Johnny Silverhand, apologising again? Maybe that transfer went both ways after all. The Johnny she first met wouldn’t apologise if he’d burnt your damn house down. Then again, he also wouldn’t have sat with her in a filthy motel room, the only one who hadn’t left her, keeping her company while the world burned around them.

“..Good.” She sighed, nuzzling further into the faint warmth of his body. They had to get out of there, and they had to do it soon. But for another minute she could have this, the brief respite from the constant onslaught of hurt being thrown at her, safe in his arms.

She felt him sigh, nudging her upright. “C’mon kid.” Standing from the bed, he grabbed hold of her hand and hoisted her off the bed, clinging onto each other for longer than necessary, but neither said anything. Gathering her bag, she opened the door without a backward glance into the dingy room, though mostly because she was falling forwards instead. Crying out in pain as she slammed into the concrete, she convulsed on the ground, a relic warning uselessly appearing in her line of sight. 

“V? Shit.” Dropping to his knees next to her, he grabbed a tight hold of her wrists. “You ain’t dyin’ yet. I got you.” She heard his voice from far away, and the world went black once more. 


	7. Temperance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Temperance is the card of balance. It may symbolize self-restraint or the gradual shift toward a more mature state of equilibrium. Temperance is associated with being in control of oneself as well as the desire to achieve inner peace.”

“Imagine we’re deployed together, fightin’ in a war side by side…

Would you take a bullet for me?”

Well, shit got heavy pretty quick. Didn’t think they were cooped up in a rickety abandoned hotel for a picnic, but hadn’t expected this either. She considered his words, turning over the dog tags in her fingers. It was a pretty good analogy. Weren’t they in a war? Two of them against the world, against Arasaka, against her ticking clock. Though it took her a moment to find the words, she knew the answer the moment the question was posed.

“I would, yeah.” 

She saw his shoulders slump in relief, tension she didn’t realise he’d been holding being released at her words. It probably wasn’t the smart answer, probably not even the sane one, but it was the truth. In such a short space of time, she’d never imagined she could grow so attached to the man she once saw as a glorified parasite. Now, she realised he was so much more. He was the other half of her, two sides of the same coin. A piece of her soul she couldn’t be complete without. And that was both terrifying, and comforting. 

“When the time comes,” he started, “It’ll be my life for yours. I’ll agree to get wiped. Tags are proof of my promise.”

Her blood ran cold at his words. When they were together, she could so easily forget the reality of their situation.  _ One life for another _ . She didn’t think it worked like that anymore. If he was wiped, she might still be alive physically, but something so vital would be missing that it would hardly matter. 

Johnny pulled his aviators off and threw them to the side, rubbing his hands over his face. He looked exhausted. Probably was after slugging her worn out body around. 

“You seriously considerin’’ Hanako’s offer?”

Was she? Hanako had access to Mikoshi, an easy fix for their problem. But rolling onto their backs for Hanako meant letting Arasaka win, giving up everything they’d been fighting against, everything Johnny had died for.

“I dunno Johnny, probably not, but...should probably still meet her. Find out what she has to say.”

He looked dubious, but assented, giving a small nod.

“‘S your body, we do what you wanna do.”

Well, that was a nice change. The sting of betrayal from his little bender was still there, but she could feel the way regret gnawed away at his gut. And he’d brought her here, given her those tags…

She looked down again at the tags in her hands, running her finger over the raised lettering. Lifting them over her head, she let them drop to hang around her neck. The second they hit her skin, it felt like they’d always been there. A promise, resting over her heart, that he had her back til the end. 

Johnny glitched out of the chair to stand in front of her, hand held out. She took it, pulling herself up to meet him. Their faces were so close she swore she could feel his breath against her cheeks. She had an urge to reach out, place her hand on his cheek. Where had that come from? Fuck. Great time to start catching feelings.

Pushing down the urge, she took a few steps away from him, towards the door, when the weight of her body overcame her. She stumbled towards the old, stained mattress in the corner of the room. She seemed to spend more time on piss stained beds than she did her own these days. Dropping onto it gracelessly, she groaned at the telltale pain of the relic shot through her skull. 

She didn’t hear him approach, so he probably didn’t, but he was there nonetheless, joining her on the old mattress, hand stroking through her hair as they waited out the worst of it. She looked down at their entwined hands on the bed between them, when had that happened? Not just their hands, but their souls, wrapped so tightly around each other she could barely distinguish her own, and she didn’t think she wanted to. 

“Johnny…” He stopped his stroking motion, letting her turn to face him on the mattress. “I would, too.”

“Y’would what?” 

“My life for yours. If that’s what it comes to.” 

Johnny shook his head, gripping her hand tighter in his own, reassuring himself more than her.

“Not happenin’. Not even really here Sweetheart, just a bunch’a code stuck in your head.”

V stared at his face like, trying to find the answer to a question she didn’t know how to ask. Shifting closer til there were barely two inches between their faces, her hand came to rest on his cheek. It was impossible to miss the way his breath hitched at the contact. Right hand cradling his cheek, her thumb brushed gingerly across every inch of his cheek it could reach. Left hand mirrored the right, cupping the opposite side of his face, thumb following the same, slow dance across his skin. 

Neither dared break eye contact for a second, afraid to shatter the delicate balance of the moment. Right hand travelled down from his cheek, tracing a languid path all the way along his jaw from right to left, stubble lightly scratching as she went. Her thumb trailed above his lips, eyes briefly darting to his mouth as his tongue darted, licking his lips which had suddenly become surprisingly dry. Having paid enough attention to the jaw, the back of her hand brushed lightly against his face as she moved upwards once more towards his forehead. Each crease was traced in turn, the physical indication of every late night he spent awake, images best left forgotten flashing through his mind, tormenting him through his short life.

Though he was, as he said, just an engram, she could still feel their hot breath intermingling as their faces hovered impossibly close. Allowing her eyes to leave his for the moment, they drifted towards his temples, knowing what she would find there. V didn’t miss him flinch as she moved to tuck the hair covering them behind his ears. Pausing for a moment, she allowed him the time to object. This moment had to be a two way street. Taking a deep breath in anticipation, Johnny gave her the small nod of affirmation she needed to reach her goal. 

Brushing away the hair covering them, her eyes locked onto the scorch marks marring his face from soulkiller. Johnny could choose to appear how he desired, yet consciously or not, he had chosen to keep these. Had soulkiller really scarred him? Or was his brain filling in the blanks, adding them as a constant reminder of what Arasaka had taken from him. She felt a sharp pain in her heart, her own grief reflecting on his lonely, painful death echoing his own.

Tentatively, she brushed her thumb over the right side ever so gently, though it didn’t stop the full body shudder that rippled through him at the touch. Another pause, giving him another chance to object. Anticipation hung heavy in the air, as if the whole room was waiting for her to make her next move. When no objection came she bit the bullet, closing the gap between them. Soft lips pressed to the dark scar on his temple. She could feel the sharp intake of breath he took beneath her when her lips made contact, his shaking hand coming up to grip her by the shoulder. 

“V…”

V withdrew her mouth from his skin, replacing it with her forehead, letting it rest against his. She was reluctant to open her eyes, scared of what she would find staring back at her. Had she crossed the unspoken line between them? Opening them tentatively, she steeled herself to meet a look of rejection waiting for her. The overwhelming adoration painted on his face took her breath from her. Not rejection then. She hadn’t dared to hope the feelings of warmth fluttering in her chest were anything but her own, but that look in his eyes answered the question she’d been searching for across his skin. 

She let her hand drop back down, thumb running along his lower lip. Speaking in a hushed voice, she was scared that if she spoke any louder she would shatter whatever was happening in this moment.

“I dunno Johnny...feel pretty real to me.” 

His lips were on hers before she could register that he had moved, metal arm wrapping steadfast around her waist, pulling her body to meet his. Every feeling that had been brewing between them, every word unsaid, touch unexplained, burst alive in the motion. Everything they couldn’t put into words she could feel in the movement on their lips, the firm grip of his hand on her waist, her body pressed against his, moulding to fit like two halves of a whole. 

Then her lips were bare, and she felt a tug, like a chain attached to her heart had been yanked. Opening her eyes, the thought of being met with an empty room was too much for her, but she needn’t have worried. She was met with Johnny’s gaze traversing up and down her body, a ravenous glint in his eye, and she could feel goosebumps travelling down her arms under the intense scrutiny. 

T-shirt first, he made quick work of tugging it off, flinging it to the grimy hotel floor. They clashed as both reached out at the same time, V reaching for his tank while his hands darted towards her trousers, no,  _ his  _ trousers. Brown leather peeling from her skin, she kicked them off along with her shoes, littering the floor around them. Johnny had already finished shimmying out of his own, standing to kick them off, the trousers vanishing as they met the floor. He quickly rejoined her on the mattress, his hands roaming everywhere they could reach. 

Metal arm pushing her down, she went willingly with it, reclining on the mattress with her hair spreading around her in a tangled halo. Hands grasping his tags, she pulled him back down for another heated kiss, moving against each other in tandem. Johnny was the first to break away again, this time moving further down, kissing along her bare flesh as he went. Neck, shoulder, stomach, and finally her thigh all received attention in turn, quietly keening under his touch. Reaching her underwear, he paused, taking the moment to look back up at her. Desire was evident in him, a hunger she hadn’t seen in anyone before. Which made his next words more surprising.

“You good with this?” She stared at him incredulously, earning her a playful swat to the thigh. “Yes or no princess?” 

She shivered involuntarily at the name, letting her hand follow him down to run her hand through his soft hair. 

“Fuck yes Johnny, please.”

Face shifting to a grin, he made quick work of removing the fabric, raising her hips with his metal arm to help shimmy them off. He didn’t dive in. Instead, his flesh hand caressed the outside of her lips, moving at a languid pace that had her pushing into his hand, whining for more contact. That earned a laugh, bringing his metal hand to push against her abdomen, not enough to hurt but firm enough that she wasn’t going anywhere.

“Not settin’ the pace here V, would do you good to learn some patience.”

Johnny’s hand pulled away, drawing an anguished whine from her. Gazing down to where he lay between her thighs, she saw him holding up his flesh hand for her, making sure it was well within her line of sight. He made dead eye contact as his metal hand left her body, bringing it to the ring on his index finger, and sliding it off agonizingly slowly. She let out a shuddering breath in anticipation as he let it drop to the bed. Then to the next one, sliding it off even slower this time. By the time he reached the third she was writhing below him, hands tucked into fists to stop herself grabbing him by his hair and pressing him against her. Smirk painted on his face as he watched her, he let the final ring drop, crawling up the bed until they were face to face. V’s body lurched upwards, trying to move against him, but he brought down his metal arm once more to keep her in place. 

Flesh hand brought to her mouth, his newly bare index finger tapped on her bottom lip. He didn’t say anything, staring into her eyes expecting her to understand what he needed from her. Dubiously, she let her mouth hang open, which if the pleased look on his face was to be believed was the correct response. She let out a choked gasp as two fingers shoved their way deep into her mouth, rubbing against her tongue in a coaxing motion. Finally it clicked, and she ran her tongue over his fingers, sucking on them with an eagerness that earned her an appreciative groan from the man. 

“Fuckin’ hell, such a good girl for me V.” 

She keened around his fingers at the praise, taking them in as deep as they would go, gagging as they hit the back of her throat. Pulling them out, they both watched the string of saliva hanging off, dripping onto her cheek as he moved the hand away. He rubbed the pad of his thumb against the fingers, coating it generously, before he shuffled back down to rest between her thighs once more. 

Nobody had the right to look so at home down there, but he settled in immediately like he was born to be there. From what she’d seen of his memories, he’d certainly put the work in. The smirk he threw her way before he dived back in made her melt, limbs going limp under his ministrations. The movement was so sudden, she let out a startled yelp when a finger entered her. He swirled it around, adjusting her to the sensation before adding a second, letting them slip in and out at a languorous pace that had her straining against his metal hand, a whine escaping in frustration. The struggle was soon forgotten as he looked up, maintaining eye contact as he crooked his fingers against her, watching her throw her head back against the mattress as she shifted any part she could trying to get more friction against him. 

“Make such pretty noises for me Sweetheart. Want everyone from here to Watson hearin’ you.” 

Hearing his praise sent her reeling. Anybody else who tried to speak to her like that would find themselves unable to speak again, but from Johnny it was intoxicating, an overpowering high that she was slowly growing addicted to, waiting impatiently for the next hit. 

He continued in his movements, pushing his fingers against the spot inside that made her thighs clench down on either side of him, trapping him there as he coaxed increasingly louder moans of pleasure from her lips. His thumb came to rub lazy circled her clit, rewarded with a strong buck of her hips towards the friction. He worked her over so slowly that time felt like a distant concept, unnecessary while it was just the two of them, building her pleasure higher and higher.

Frustration took over when his thumb left her, shifting her hips as much as possible under the metal arm to express her frustration in a way she could no longer trust her words to. But she didn’t have to wait long. She should have known better, as his mouth pressed against her slit, sucking her swollen nub between his lips. He got off on doing a good job as much as she did, and he took pride in watching her slowly falling to pieces beneath him. 

Her orgasm crashed into her with full force, knocking the air out of her as pleasure rippled through her body, her thighs clenched around his head to press him as close as she could. And he obliged, continuing to rub tongue against her through the waves of pleasure, until she let her body go limp against the mattress, panting heavily, aftershocks still causing her to shudder. 

He made his way back up the mattress to meet her, pressing his lips to hers in a slow, languid kiss, the urgency from before dissipated and replaced with a deep yearning to be as close to each other as was physically possible. She opened her eyes, meeting his own with an insatiable desire reflected back at her. Their faces were so close, noses touching, when he spoke in a low, rough voice she hadn’t heard before but wanted to wake up to every day for the rest of life, however long that would be. 

“No one will ever know you like I do, V.” He ran his hand along her side, coming to rest on her hip as he pulled her flush against him. “Feel you like I do.” His knee came to press against her oversensitive cunt, earning him another needy whine. “ _ Touch _ you like I do.” 

That last relic attack must have flatlined her, she decided, because nothing in heaven nor earth could be so sensual, passionate, and tender all at once. Her body was set alight everywhere he touched, every fibre of her being aching to be a part of him. That desire, hunger, intoxication in his gaze, all of that was for her, completely strung out on her body. 

“Need you, Johnny, now. Please.”

His hand on her waist gripped her tighter. “What do you need, baby? Use your words.”

Fuck. If the next relic attack didn’t kill her, this man would, and she’d beg him to do it. 

“Want you to fuck me J-Johnny.” Her breath hitched as he rubbed his knee against her. “Wanna feel you inside me, fuck, _ please _ .” 

Johnny groaned, using his metal arm to lift her into his lap, letting her rock into him while he held her close, allowing her to set the rhythm this time. 

“Fuck, you don’t know what you do to me, V.”

She did. She knew exactly what each rhythmic motion of her body did, every whine, every gasp, because he did the same to her. 

He lifted her, giving her chance to grab his cock and guide it into her, and lowered her down slowly to the hilt. Both let out synchronised shuddering breaths as he took him in, meeting each other in a steady, unhurried kiss, taking their time to adjust to one another. V began to rock herself on him, raising herself up and down as he thrust up to meet her rhythm. He took hold of her hips, helping her to raise herself with ease, pulling her back down onto him at a teasingly slow pace. She watched as he fell apart under her movements, pupils blown, mouth hung open panting for breath, it was the most alluring thing she had ever seen, and she was determined to memorise his face just like this, high off her languid movements. 

The pleasure she felt was like nothing she had experienced before, but they both knew this wasn’t just a fuck. It was about more than that, more than their pleasure. It was about them both, for the first time in their lives, feeling whole. They moulded together so perfectly neither could tell anymore where one ended and the other began. His body, his essence, his soul was as much hers as she was his, coming together not out of choice but necessity, pulled into the deep well of the other’s gravity. 

They built their pleasure together, rising higher and higher in a feedback loop as the slow rocking of her hips against his increased, grasping onto each frantically, desperate for every inch of flesh they could reach. V came first, moaning his name against his lips, grinding down faster through her orgasm as he chased his own, their synchronised pleasure pushing him over the edge to meet her. 

Both spent, Johnny lay back onto the mattress, pulling her down with him and tucking her into his arms. His flesh hand stroked over her hair soothingly, metal one wrapped around her waist to keep her securely against him. She let her eyes flutter shut under his ministrations, the sensations of his tender caresses washing over her. She couldn’t remember another time she had felt such overwhelming love, wrapping around her and pulling her into its tight embrace. 

Opening her eyes again, she brought her hand to cradle his cheek, her chest tightening at the look of pure adoration she received as he gazed back at her. 

“Johnny?”

“Yeah, V?” 

She rubbed her thumb across his cheek, watching his lips twitch into a soft smile under her touch. 

“Can we stay here for a bit longer? I know we have shit to-”

He silenced her with the press of his lips against her own, moving in tandem as they twined themselves around one another. She felt him relax into the mattress and allowed herself to do the same, any desire to move from that spot vanishing with the soft touch of his hand trailing down her arm. 

“Stayin’ here long as you want Darlin’.” 

She let her eyes drift shut, tentatively reaching out to his mind with her own. What she found there lay any worry she may have had to rest, complete and overwhelming devotion tangling with her own, indistinguishable from each other. As they lay there, basking in the faint glow of the setting sun over the pacific as it encompassed them in its warmth, she realised for the first time since Jackie died, she felt hope. Hope for a different future, for them to stay like this forever, wrapped up in each other’s warmth, feeling, for the first time, they had both found their way home. 

  
  
  
  
  



	8. The Hierophant

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Hierophant symbolizes a respect for tradition. It represents one who tries to maintain the established order, even though their very character is shaped by it. The Hierophant places his faith in institutions – for the alternative is pure chaos. Only by placing his faith in order can he draw strength.”

“It’s a shitty idea, V.”

“You think _all_ my ideas are shitty ones.”

He might not be wrong, but she owed it to Takemura to at least hear him out. He’d saved her ass more than once, though she was still surprised when his face had popped up on the holo that morning. It had been a week of radio silence, no idea if he’d got out of town or if Arasaka had got to him first. She’d expected to feel relief when she heard from him, but when he’d asked to meet her down by the docks a familiar sense of apprehension had settled in the pit of her stomach. 

“Yeah, but they don’t always involve you goin’ and playin’ good girl for Arasaka’s lapdog.”

Johnny leant against the door of her apartment, smoking one of a chain of cigarettes he’d gotten through since her holo had gone off. He was as tense as he’d been escaping the safe house, and she could hardly blame him. A corp was still a corp, and Takemura never had any reservations about stating his loyalty to Arasaka. But maybe, a small part of her could hope that the raid on the safe house had pushed him far enough away that she could talk some sense into him. Maybe.

Pulling on her jacket, she stopped by the bathroom mirror to give herself the once over. Fuck, had she looked this tired before? The bags under her eyes were dark stains marring her skin, which appeared drab and worn. She rubbed her hands over her face, trying to rub away the now ever-present feeling of weariness settled in her bones. 

There was a glitch behind her, and she watched in the mirror as Johnny placed a hand on her shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. It had been different since Pistis Sophia. Neither worried about crossing the line as they had been, giving each other small touches of affirmation throughout the day, no words needed. A squeeze of her hand, a touch on the small of her back, or his arms coming around her from behind when she crawled into bed. So many small touches, all saying a thousand words they couldn’t yet voice.

“‘M just askin’ you to be careful, V.”

His shades might have hidden his eyes, but the concern in his tone was palpable. And appreciated. She placed her hand on top of his and squeezed back, hoping he could feel her reassurance through it. They stood there for a moment, watching their reflections, and she knew they both wanted the same thing in that moment. For that image to be real. For her to turn around to his solid flesh and wrap him tightly in her arms, the rest of the world falling away. 

But they didn’t have that luxury, and time was ticking. She sighed and let her hand drop, Johnny’s following suit. She walked to the door, grabbing her back as she went, and was grateful to notice he chose not the glitch away, walking her all the way to the Arch. 

This would be fine, they both knew it. Takemura was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a man to go back on his word. This was just a meeting, nothing more. But, why then, she thought as she climbed onto the Arch, did it feel like a death march?

***

Takemura was waiting when she arrived, hanging over the railings in the same place she had what felt like a year ago. But as he turned to face her, she knew this was very different. He’d showered for one. Looking cleaner than she’d seen him before. And well rested. Must be nice. He was dressed head to toe in a white suit, almost blindingly so against the dull backdrop of the docks. It should have been reassuring to see him doing well, but it just made that feeling of apprehension rear its head again. He didn’t look like a man on the run, he looked like a man who was bent over, cheeks spread wide for Arasaka. 

“V, it is good to see you.”

He approached her with an amicable manner, but he didn’t look pleased to see her. If she didn’t know better, she would’ve said it looked like regret.

“Good to see you too Goro, you clean up well.” She gestured to his clothes, “Life treating you well?”

He nodded. “It has been kind, of late.” 

They stood there awkwardly, a large stretch of space still between the two, but neither were too keen to bridge the gap further. 

“Don’t think you called me here in that getup just to chat, did you?”

“No.” 

Takemura sighed, seeming to consider stepping forward but changing his mind in favour of folding his arms, closing himself off. 

“You have received word from Hanako, no? A meeting?”

And there it was. Not that she needed confirmation, but the betrayal still stung nonetheless. Of course, he climbed right back into bed with Arasaka the second he got the chance, he’d said he would. Yet there was still a part of her that had hoped she had changed his mind. What a fucking gonk. 

“Yep. Know what she’s got to say?”

He hesitated, seemingly unsure how much exactly he should share. The fact that he even had to consider it made her seethe.

“I believe,” He began, “Arasaka can help you with your...problem.”

V’s hand instinctively moved towards the chip, holding her hand over it protectively at the word “problem”, and sensing a faint feeling of gratitude surfacing in the back of her mind. 

“They have the best technicians you could hope to find. They know the Relic well. They could remove it for you, give you your life back.”

“And? Say I play ball, what happens to Johnny?”

“He would be...terminated.”

V felt a sharp pain in her chest, the idea of it gripping her with fear. Terminated? Like he was an infestation, and not a person in his own damn right? Over her dead body. Which coincidentally was looking more likely. 

“Terminated? You think that's what I want?”

“Is it not?”

That stopped her in her tracks. She could hardly blame him. As far as he knew, that _was_ what she wanted. But that was before the tags. Before his promise. Before they realised they were no longer two separate entities. Now, the thought of being separated scared her far more than the thought of her own approaching demise. 

“No, not anymore Goro.” 

“I see.” He said, a hint of sadness tinging his passive tone. 

She fixed her gaze on the ground, unwillingly to meet what she knew would be a piercingly disparaging look in his eyes. 

“So… this it? You just jump back into bed with them like they weren’t tryna off you last week?”

“You know where my loyalties lie, I have made this clear to you.”

“You’ve made one thing clear Goro.” She raised her head to meet him, a bitter edge to her voice. “Don’t have a moral bone in your fuckin’ body. I don’t wanna hear about how fuckin’ great Arasaka is, how they just wanna help. I ain’t doing that to Johnny, he’s been fucked over by corps enough for one lifetime. Fuck, even if he hadn’t you really think the little of me? That I’d just kneel and suck Arasaka dry for a chance at livin’? ‘S not living if you’ve sold your soul, Goro.”

She was closer to him now then she realised. Hadn't even noticed she’d started walking, fists clenched tightly beside her. She realised just how little they knew each other, just a fucked up sense of duty based on the fact that he saved her and she saved him. That was in the past now. They were even as far as she was concerned, and all she wanted to do was turn tail and have this be the last time she saw him. 

He seemed unphased, the only crack in his calm facade was a hint of concern passing over his features. She didn’t want his concern. He could save it for somebody who gave a shit. 

“V...Arasaka will not stop, simply because you wish them to. They will find you, should you run, and they will not give you the choice, as Hanako will.”

She scoffed. “Arasaka won’t touch me so long as I’ve got the chip.”

Takemura shook his head. “You overstate your importance. To Arasaka, you are nobody. Given the choice, they will simply extract the relic, and most likely you will meet the same fate as Mister Silverhand.”

Her blood ran cold, fear creeping up her spine, paralysing her. Johnny felt the same, she could feel his dread mixing with her own. Somehow, it always managed to circle back to Mikoshi. Everything in her life seemed to revolve around it now, whether it was to get access to it or to run away from it. Her hand flew up again, as she held it over the chip once more. She couldn’t defend him physically, but the gesture felt as close as she could get, protecting him from anyone who would try and take him. 

“V, we’re leaving.” 

Johnny appeared next to her, hand on her forearm, gripping it tightly. She met his eyes and saw his blind panic, felt his need to protect her as she was for him. But she had to finish this, no loose ends.

“Well Goro, guess this is where we part ways.”

Takemura had a sad, but unsurprised expression as he surveyed her, seeming to come to the same conclusion she had.

“It would seem that way. I am sorry you have chosen this.”

“Yeah? Well, same here.”

She turned away, Johnny’s hand moving from her arm to the small of her back, guiding her towards the Arch. 

“V?”

She paused, glancing over her shoulder towards the man she had at one point trusted with her life.

“I believe we will see each other again.” He spoke with a small, wisened smile that made her skin crawl.

“Fuckin’ hope not, for your sakes Takemura.”

She left him there, hopping back onto the arch and driving away so fast she clipped the corner, determined to put as much distance between them as possible. All she felt was a building dread as she rode back to her apartment, and Johnny’s voice in the back of her head echoed the same sentiment. They had to finish this, and soon.

***

She’d crawled straight into bed once they got back, barely taking the time to kick her boots off and toss her jacket to the floor, desperate to feel the security of being wrapped in her blanket, hidden from the world. Though that wasn’t strictly what made her feel safer. It was the arms that came around her from behind once she settled in meeting around her abdomen and pulling her into his chest. 

It wasn’t until she felt his steady arms that she realised she was shaking, through anger and fear, both swirling together in her stomach and bringing with them a dizzying nausea. Warm lips pressed against the crown of her head, and she felt herself slowly beginning to relax into his hold. 

“Not gonna let ‘em touch you, got it? Not a fuckin’ chance.” 

His words wormed their way into her chest, wrapping around her heart like a soothing balm to the fear that had gripped her since they left the docks. She knew that practically, he could do very little to prevent Arasaka from taking what they wanted, but that was okay. All she needed was the reassurance from him that he’d be there with her every step of the way, and she’d take down Arasaka tower single-handed if she had to. 

“I just...I wanted him to have changed so badly, y’know? To turn ‘round and realise he’s part of the problem. Wanted the fact that I nearly died to save him to mean something.”

Johnny sighed against her head, his breath tickling her skin.

“Not gonna happen, Princess. Corps a corp. Could’a saved his ass a thousand times and he’d still be there givin’ you to Hanako tied up in a ribbon.”

He was right. Always seemed to be, while she was a naive gonk, same as ever. 

“Y’know,” his arms tightened around her, “seein’ the best in people ain’t the worst thing you could do.”

“‘S gonna get us killed one of these days, Johnny.”

“Yeah, well. That’s what I'm here for. You want everythin’ to be rainbows and kittens, I think everyone’s a piece of shit. Balance each other out.”

“Two halves of a whole.” She spoke softly, cautious of voicing it out loud. It was true, but what if she scared him off? She couldn’t do this alone, not now. 

He rolled her over to face him, and the look in his eyes erased any trepidation she might have had. Flesh hand coming up to cradle her cheek, he leant closer to press his lips to her forehead so tenderly she melted under the touch.

“Know what they say ‘bout that?” He whispered to her, bringing his mouth to her ear, the proximity of his voice sending goosebumps rippling down her arms.

“What?”

“Two halves can’t make a whole without a hole.”

She swatted him on the arm, shoving away from her and rolling away from him. But she was smiling, for the first time since her holo rang, and she could feel his smile pressed against the bare skin on the back of her neck as he drew her back to him, arms once again wrapped tightly round her. She shuffled back, moulding herself to him as much as possible, letting herself go slack against him, her eyes fluttering shut as exhaustion from the day dragged her down. 

“Night, Johnny.” 

“G’night darlin’.”

Arms tightened around her, and as she felt herself drifting closer to the precipice of sleep, she allowed herself to push aside the feelings of fear, of betrayal, anger. None of it seemed to matter when his arms held her so tightly, so securely she knew nothing bad could ever happen to her. Tipping over the precipice, she slept soundly, feeling a safety she never knew she could have, and knew she would never give it up for anything. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Does every chapter have to end with soft Johnny? No. Should it?? Absolutely.


	9. The Hanged Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Hanged Man is the card of sacrifice. It says that a price must be paid in order to achieve enlightenment. The Hanged Man's forsakenness opens the path for rebirth into a new life, though this path is wrought with pain suspended in time and ultimately ends in death.”

V wrapped the jacket around her and inhaled deeply. It had that fresh leather smell only a new jacket had, but it was still comforting. She could almost imagine herself backstage at a Samurai gig, waiting in the dressing room for him, jacket wrapped around her shoulders, the smell of leather mixing with cigarette smoke and a distinctly warm, woody scent that was so specific to Johnny it couldn’t be mistaken for anyone else. It was so vivid, she had to wonder if it really was her imagination, or whether it was his own memories bleeding into her own. 

They did that, more and more each day. Some days she’d try to picture her mom, and the feelings of comfort that those memories brought, but she was met with the image of a stern woman, older than her mom with dark hair and piercing eyes. A feeling of recognition would rise in her, but it wasn’t her own, and it was followed swiftly by a feeling of guilt as he realised that it was his fault. His own memories slowly replacing hers, piece by piece each day. 

“Well now, not bad. Finally lookin’ half decent.” 

Johnny grinned at her from beside Rogue’s car, scanning her up and down, taking in the new look. Must’ve liked what he saw, tongue darting out to lick his lips, an almost predatory glint in his eye. V flipped him off as she slammed the trunk shut and climbed in beside Rogue, but there was no malice behind it, only the playful teasing that had developed more as they grew closer. She was grateful the jacket hid most of her arms, so Rogue might not notice the goosebumps that had sprung up under the scrutiny of Johnny’s gaze. 

They hadn’t slept together since Pistis Sophia, but there was a constant electricity singing in the air whenever they were alone together, the promise of something more. Johnny vanished once Rogue started driving, but she could still hear him. Thinking about her wearing his jacket, or more specifically thinking about ripping the jacket off her the second they got back to the apartment. Johnny Silverhand having a possessive streak was nothing unexpected, but the thought of it gave her a full body shiver, which she was sure Rogue didn't miss but thankfully declined to mention. 

She’d been with Rogue several times now, but it felt different this time. Now, she was sat next to both Queen of the Afterlife, and the ex of the dead man she was fucking. There was no way Rogue could know about that, so why did it feel like she did? Every time she fixed V with that piercing stare it was like she was looking straight into her damn soul and storing it away for potential blackmail. 

Rogue broke the stagnant silence first. “So, what’d Johnny say about me?”

Fuck.  _ Don’t say her ass. Do not say her ass. _

V cleared her throat. “Said you’re the best, always were.”

Thank god.

“The best huh? Too bad that comes at a price.”

She wasn’t kidding, the number of eddies finding Hellman had set her back, V was grateful she wasn’t charging this time around. Because it was personal this time. Well, it was for Johnny. Rogue, on the other hand...

“You sure you’re up for this?”

Rogue scoffed, throwing her a withering glance. “What, getting cold feet?”

“Nah just... I know Smasher’s Johnny’s obsession, not yours. Just wanted to give you an out, if that’s what you wanted.”

Rogue gave a small hum but said nothing. There was something she wasn’t sharing, hardly surprising given they hardly knew each other, but it hung in the air and stifled any further attempts at conversation. V was fine with that. She just wrapped the jacket tighter around herself and inhaled, letting herself imagine for a moment that he was there with them, ready to fight side by side for his revenge. She wished he could be, but she would give him the next best thing. She’d look Smasher dead in the eye as she took him out, and make sure he knew who was pulling the trigger. 

***

“Not yours, I don’t think.” 

V grabbed the gun from the ground beside Greyson, holding it up and aiming it, allowing herself to feel the weight of it. She examined it, running her fingers over the barrel. This was different from the jacket. The jacket might be similar, but this was  _ his _ . He held this in his hand over 50 years ago, raided Arasaka tower with it. It was the first real, tangible thing of Johnny’s she’d touched, and it felt almost like she could physically feel him, the imprint he left on the world. She gripped it tightly, as though she would lose him if she let go, even for a second. 

She was so distracted by the feeling of his gun in her hand, she hardly realised Greyson and Rogue were speaking, only being brought back to the present by the use of the word “Smasher.” 

After all that, and the bastard wasn’t even here? She saw Johnny’s face drop and she felt deflated. She’d wanted to be able to give him the one thing he’d asked for, for closure, and she hadn’t even managed that. 

“Why you so interested in Smasher anyway?”

She’d almost forgotten he was still talking. 

“I’m not. Interested in Johnny Silverhand. And what happened to him, to his body.”

Greyson gave her a pained, bitter laugh, choking as it left him. 

“Johnny Silverhand? What, plan to exhume that scop? Or you just wanna hear how he died - soaked in his own piss, neurons scorched by soulkiller?”

She felt her grip on the gun tighten, her hand shaking as her finger hovered dangerously over the trigger.

“What did they do with him?” V spoke through gritted teeth.

“Badlands, near the oil fields - buried out there. One-O-one northbound, head for the landfill.” Greyson grunted in pain, letting out a scoff. “Dig deep enough, might even find a shit-smeared silver arm.”

She didn’t remember raising the gun, didn’t feel herself pulling the trigger, but Greyson slumped forwards, a single bullet hole decorating his forehead. She didn’t even flinch, just stared at him, panting as the adrenaline surged through her. She couldn’t remember feeling such a blind fury overtake her before, but something in her had snapped at his words. The way he’d spoken, talking about Johnny like he was worthless, a piece of trash to be thrown into landfill. She knew how that felt. Nobody deserved to feel like that. That their life had been so meaningless nobody would even search for their corpse, left to rot amongst the rest of Night City’s cast offs. 

Rogue paced beside his corpse, fists clenching and unclenching by her sides.

“Fuck! Pointless, still no leads, nowhere to go from here.”

V went to reach out, to reassure her, but snatched her hand back. A reflex from Johnny that probably wouldn’t be quite so welcome coming from her.

“Fuck, V. Tell her..” Johnny looked at Rogue and shook his head, unable to finish. 

“Johnny says you’ll get him yet.” V offered, she hoped in a reassuring tone, though she knew she probably sounded as uncertain as she felt about the whole thing.

“Yeah? Well, tell him- fuck, can’t even have a normal convo with him.” She stopped, turning to look at V. “Even if we do get Smasher, what then? What's that get us?” Rogue sighed, holstering her gun and turning her back on them, making her way to the stairs. “Later, V.” She threw over her shoulder in a cold tone and left them standing next to the corpse of Greyson. V considered going after her, seeing if there was anything she could do, but Johnny interjected before she could move.

“Leave her alone, V. She’ll get it together, but times like this she prefers to be alone.”

“‘Kay. I get that.”

Johnny gestured to the slumped body of Greyson on the floor beside them.

“Look at that keycard. Wanna see what it opens?”

She nodded, grabbing the keycard from his limp hand and turning it in her hand. It had a number on, and looking around it seemed to correspond to a crate. It took them a while to find it, seeing as though the place was full of them, but it was worth all the hassle once V got them inside.

“My ride.” Johnny stood over the Porsche, a wide grin plastered on his face. He ran his hand over the bumper, though still looking slightly disappointed when his hand glitched through it. He gestured to the car.

“Hop in. I’ll even let you drive.”

V laughed, opening the driver's side door and sliding in. It was a beautiful car. She understood why he loved it so much. The leather interior had the smell she’d been searching for in the jacket. That worn leather scent, well loved, and if she concentrated she swore she could smell cigarettes and the distinct woody scent she’d remembered earlier. It smelt like Johnny, and sliding into that seat felt like coming home. 

Johnny appeared beside her, nudging her with a satisfied smirk, like that cat that got the cream. 

“Preem, huh?”

“Yep, preem indeed.”

He settled into the seat beside her and ran his hand along the dashboard, his smirk dropping slightly as he seemed to remember where they were going. 

“Cmon, V. Let's go see where they fuckin’ planted my ass.”

The thought of what they might find there made her stomach turn, but she knew he felt worse, anxiety palpable in the air. She reached across to place her hand on his thigh, giving it a firm squeeze as she switched the engine on. He said nothing but placed his hand on top of hers. It seemed to calm him, so she left it there as they drove, wondering what they would find at the grave of Johnny Silverhand. 

***

As she had dreaded, but suspected, there was nothing. No headstone, marker, nothing to say he’d ever been there. It was hardly like Arasaka were about to set up the Johnny Silverhand memorial foundation, but she knew it stung nonetheless. 

“So, that's how it is.” 

Johnny walked around, trying to kick a few rocks as he went, letting out a dissatisfied grumble as he glitched through them. 

“Nothin’ here at all.” He lit a cigarette, perching on the edge of a pile of steel sheeting. His head hung between his shoulders, eyes fixed on the ground in front of him. She’d never seen him look so defeated, so empty. Moving to sit on the heap across from him, she wondered what exactly he  _ had  _ expected to find out there.

“What did you expect Johnny? A headstone? A flag? Flowers?”

“Nah, I...I dunno. A marker?” His voice grew quieter, softer. “Something. Anything.”

There was an ache in her chest, unsure whose it was, and her heart broke for him. The man who had so much taken from him, even in death, they took the one thing he had left. Remembrance. 

“We’ll figure something out.”

She grabbed a piece of scrap from the ground beside her shoe and set to work on the sheet of steel beside her, carving away.

_ J S 2023 _

It was hardly what he deserved, but it was all she could give him for now. 

“Better?” She looked over to him, a small smile quirking on his lips. 

“A bit. Could do with somethin’ a bit bigger though. Nice old headstone, a catchy epitaph.”

“What d’you want it to say? ‘Here lies Johnny Silverhand, Night City Legend’?”

Johnny stopped, any trace of a smile disappearing from his face. Rising from his seat, he took a few steps, looking out over the piles of garbage surrounding them. 

“Sounds nice, but what’s that even mean?”

He turned back to face her, taking his aviators off, and she almost wished he hadn’t. The pain in his eyes made her wish she could do something to wipe it away, fix it all for him. But she knew that wasn’t possible.

“Spent my whole life tryna tear down the system that took everythin’ from me, time and time again, screamin’ about burnin’ corpos into a mic every night. And what did that get me?”

She considered it for a moment. What had it got him?

“Infamy, I guess. Not what you were after?”

“Nah. Guess I just wanted to... I dunno. Feel like my life meant somethin’?” 

He kicked the dirt beneath his feet, giving a frustrated grunt when the action had no effect.

“If I could take down the corps, a one man army against the world, thought I’d be a fuckin’ legend. And yet here I am. Arasaka still kickin’ down at everyone like dirt, and I’m dead, buried in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere, and nobody remembers who the fuck I was. ‘S like I was never fuckin’ here.”

She searched her mind for something, anything to make him see that wasn’t true, but she fell short. 

“Still got Rogue, ‘n Kerry. They never forgot you.”

He scoffed. “Yeah and look what that did to them. Hauntin’ their lives like a damn poltergeist. They remember me as the piece of shit who only knew how to take. Don’t even blame them for tryna forget me. Wish I could forget I fuckin’ existed too.”

“For what it’s worth, ‘m glad you did. Exist, that is.”

Johnny shook his head, folding his arms over his chest the way he did whenever he seemed to think things might get a bit too personal. “Think I must’ve made you more fucked in the head than I thought. You glad I’m in there, slowly eatin’ away at you every day?”

“‘S not like that. You think you were some angry bastard who didn’t give a fuck ‘bout anyone else, but we both know that’s bullshit, Johnny. Can see in your head too, remember? Can see how you felt every time you did a gig with Rogue, or smoked pot with Kerry before goin’ onstage, or when you’d go backstage and see Alt sittin’ there. Don’t pretend you’re just some heartless bastard, because you loved them all so fuckin’ much, just too fucked in the head to know how to show it.”

“You don’t know what you’re talkin’ about V.”

“Think I do, because you’re here feelin’ sorry for yourself because you were so scared of fuckin’ things up that you pushed away everyone who ever gave a damn about you, so much that you’re sittin dead in an oil field and nobody even bothered to look.”

“What, that supposed to make me feel better? Not work-”

She rose to her feet, fists clenched by her sides in frustration. 

“Just fuckin’ listen for once Johnny! That shit might’ve worked before on Kerry, or Alt, hell maybe even Rogue, but not with me. You wanna be remembered? Want a legacy? Well, you’re lookin’ at it. I’m the only person left alive who gives enough shits to preserve it for you.”

“Oh yeah? Go on then. You’re writing my epitaph, enlighten me, what you gonna write?”

“Here lies Johnny Silverhand…the man who saved my life.”

She heard his breath hitch and looked up to see him gazing at her with such a sadness she had to look away. 

“V…”

He moved to sit back down, head in his hands as he watched her, unable to piece together his thoughts enough to finish. He didn’t need to, she’d say it for him.

“In more ways than one Johnny. The chip might’ve brought me back, but I wasn’t living. Estranged from the few people who gave a shit about me, best choom dead. And then you rock up, fuckin’ antagonistic bastard, and I’m determined to live just outta spite. But then you let me see you.  _ Actually  _ see you. When I had nobody else in the world, you were there, pickin’ up my pieces. Saw what you did to everyone else, also saw why. And I get it, because lettin’ yourself be known like that? Fuckin’ terrifying. But that's what you made me realise.”

“What’s that?” He asked, guardedly. 

“That’s the point. My legacy ain’t gonna be ‘Night City Legend’, and I don’t even want it to be. I want the people I leave behind to give a shit. To remember me for me, y’know? Want them to remember how much I loved ‘em, and they loved me. The rest doesn’t matter. Night City ain’t gonna write my eulogy, but they might, sooner rather than later too. If you've taught me anythin’ it’s that those relationships are the things that’ll matter when I’m dust.”

“Don’t think I deserve that credit, V. That’s all on you.”

“Well, this is me. And I’m givin’ you a second chance. Not to be remembered as the bastard who took on Arasaka. To be remembered as Johnny, the guy who fucked up, but loved his friends so fuckin’ much he would’ve died for ‘em. The guy who spent every day fightin’ to make the world a better place for shits like us. The guy who promised to give his life for mine. The guy who saved my life.”

V would have to add ‘seeing Johnny Silverhand cry’ to the list of things she never expected to see. It was subtle and quiet, but it was there. He didn’t move, just sat there, staring at her like she’d just told him the secret to the universe. She walked over and sat beside him, bringing him into her chest. Johnny froze for a moment, before his arms wrapped around her waist so tight it verged on painful. She didn’t say anything, just held him with his head pressed against her chest, a hand coming up to stroke through his hair. 

He might not have gotten a plaque, a grave, some symbol for people to remember him by. But he had her. He’d saved her life in more ways than she could ever hope to tell him, and he deserved so much more than he’d been given. He might have fucked up his first life, but this was his second chance at it. No matter what happened, she would always remember him, not as the person he was before, but the man he was now. 

The sun was beginning to rise before they moved, both content to sit there, holding each other in the place he’d been laid to rest. As she looked down at him, hand cradling the back of his head, she knew that she’d spend her last breath making sure that the world knew this Johnny Silverhand. The man who would fight tooth and claw to make this city a better place than the one he left, the man who would give his life for hers to give her a second chance. The man she loved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We've got strong "The rest is confetti" vibes up in here but I ain't mad about it.
> 
> I swear I actively try to /not/ have every single chapter end with soft Johnny yet it happens anyway?? Man is unstoppable


	10. The Empress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The empress is a card of femininity and motherhood. She is authoritative, knows what she wants, and exhibits refinement and sensuousness. The Empress symbolizes creativity and growth, and instructs us not to dismiss our unconscious impulses, but to trust our intuition.”

She’d felt the wind knocked out of her when Johnny asked to go on a date with Rogue. Which was unfair. She’d just told him how important it was to have connections with the people in your life, and now she was bitter because he wanted to fix the ones he had? 

It wasn’t just that though. There was something more with Rogue, the ‘what if’ that always hung in the air around them. She wanted him to do this, to get some closure, but it felt like signing her own death warrant. She knew the moment Rogue was back in the picture she might as well be gone.

Rogue intimidated her, sure, but it was more than intimidation. Rogue was everything she wasn’t. She was a legend of Night City, she had respect, she was beautiful, dangerous, and Johnny still loved her. V knew she couldn’t compete with what Rogue brought to the table, and it was foolish to try. The best she could do was hope this date went well, that maybe if Johnny got her body they could rekindle what they’d had all those years ago. And that was looking more and more likely every day. She was weaker, remembered less, felt less present every day. She could feel herself slipping away, and there was nothing she could do. Except this. She could help him set his life up again, give him a fighting chance in 2077 to start over.

Pulling up outside Silver Clouds, it looked like it had been shut for years. Had neither of them had checked to see if it was even open? Still, there were ways around that. 

“Wait here.” She left Rogue in the car, heading inside to try and get the doors open. 

It was easy enough, the access code sitting right there on the computer. Part of her had hoped it would be harder, even impossible. But life never worked that way. Not for her. 

Rogue climbed out of the car and joined her in the parking lot, though it wasn’t much to look at. Just a few old carcasses rusting in their spaces. But it was the company that counted, and they’d certainly have that. 

Rogue gestured up towards the projector tower. “Try and get the projector started. I’ll get us some seats.” 

V nodded, taking the stairs slower than necessary, trying to put off the moment for as long as she could. Maybe the projector would be bust? Of course it wouldn’t be, with her luck it would be fully functioning just waiting for someone to hit play. 

And it was? V wasn’t religious by any stretch, but if there was a god he was a spiteful bastard. 

Johnny glitched into the room beside her, rolling on the balls of his feet like an excited kid waiting for a treat. This morning all she’d wanted was to see him happy, but now his grin was a punch to the gut. 

“Bushido X? Perfect.”

She scoffed. “Sounds like a pile of crap, Johnny.”

“Nah, movies the last thing we care about. Just want a bit of background noise.”

Of course, he probably wouldn’t even glance at the screen. Who would, sat next to Rogue?

“All right V, I’ll take it from here.” He watched her, waiting anxiously for her to pull out Misty’s pill. 

It was selfish to even ask, but…

“You sure you’re up for this? Not too late to call it a night.”

“Nah, came here to show Rogue a good time, ‘s what I’m gonna do.”

Right. This is what they were here for. Johnny’s chance to rekindle his long last love with the queen of the Afterlife. She wanted to be happy for him, happy she could give him this second chance, but she just felt sick. Jealousy coiled in the pit of her stomach when she knew it had no right to be there. Of course he loved Rogue, a month couldn’t compare to over 50 years. But there had still been that stupid, hopeful part of her that he could have been hers. 

Maybe in another life.

V sighed, pulling the pill from her back pocket and rolling it in her fingers. Just the thought of having to return to the stifling black void made her want to throw it out the window and run, but she wouldn’t. She would give him this. 

“Okay, have fun, you crazy kids.”

She knocked back the pill in one go, and the world faded away.

***

The thrill of being back in a body never got old. Johnny flexed his fingers,  _ V’s _ fingers, and rubbed his hands together in anticipation. 50 fuckin’ years. It was a long time to make up to someone, but this was as good a place as any to start. 

He caught a glimpse of his reflection as he left the room, and a twinge of guilt stirred in him as V’s face stared back. The way she’d looked when he’d asked about going on the date had almost made him take it back then and there, but he’d heard what V had told him, and it was true. He had loved Rogue, one of the best things he’d done in his shitty life, and that was a starting point if he wanted to make amends. Plus, 50 years and she’d aged like fine wine. 

He made his way back down to where Rogue was waiting, perched on top of some old rusted pile of crap. Still, he’d sat on worse, and definitely fucked on worse. 

“Hop on.” Rogue patted the seat beside her, and Johnny obliged, clambering up beside her.

Movie was a pile of shit, as predicted, but that hardly mattered. His eyes were drawn to Rogue, the magnetic attraction seemingly unaffected by time. But he still felt that twinge of guilt stirring inside, unable to push the thought of V from his mind. 

Johnny nudged Rogue in the side, shuffling closer to her.

“This how you saw this evenin’ goin’?”

She gave him a small, almost sad smile. “Always knew things would have to change for us to go out and catch a movie, didn’t expect they’d change this much though.”

“Well, think we got V to thank for that.”

Johnny moved to put her arm around her shoulders, but she ducked out of the way, shifting to face him. Her expression was serious, and he was becoming less certain that this had been a good idea.

“Johnny...I can’t do this.”

And there it was. He’d hoped he wouldn’t hear those words, but something in him knew it was only a matter of time. Rogue might still be Rogue, but he was… what was he?

“I get it.” He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. “‘S been a long time, not the same people we were back then.”

“Not just that Johnny, don’t be obtuse. It’s not cute.” She gestured to him, to his body. “This isn’t fair to her.”

Not  _ his _ body. 

“V gave us the go ahead for this, no problem on her end.”

“That’s hardly the truth and you know it, but I don’t just mean that.” She reached over and gave him a soft jab to the chest. “You might be here physically, but your minds not. ‘S in there, with her.”

Rogue held up a hand to stop him as he went to interrupt. “It’s okay, Johnny. It’s been 50 years, people change. Even you, surprisingly. But you two need to sort your shit out. That girl cares for you enough to let you take over, despite what happened last time she did, and that’s a level of trust even I can’t give you. And you’re sat here, beautiful woman next to you, and all you can think about is her.” 

When had he become so transparent? To Rogue, he guessed he always had been. 

Rogue reached across and squeezed his arm, softer than he could recall being touched by her before, though he didn’t know whether that was for V’s benefit or his. 

“Just...talk to her Johnny. You owe her that much.”

She climbed off the car, not looking back at him as she left. As he watched her go, he felt a growing emptiness inside him.

He hated that she always had to be fuckin’ right. But she was. He was trying to force something between them, something that would let him ignore that overwhelming warmth he felt every time he looked at V, the security he felt whenever they were together. It’s just as V had said, he didn’t know how to show love, so he pushed everyone away so he didn’t have to deal with it. But V deserved better. She was willing to give up her body, speed up the process that was slowly killin’ her, just to give him a couple of hours to rekindle an old flame. But an old flame wasn’t what he wanted. 

As he pulled the omega blocker out of his pocket, examining it before he knocked it back, he knew he just wanted one thing. He just wanted V.

***

The first thing she was aware of was a metallic taste in her mouth, though that was something she’d grown accustomed to. The second thing was that she was lying on cold concrete, which she was less accustomed to. And the third thing, as she pried her eyes open, was pain shooting through her skull. 

V clutched her head in her hands, shutting her eyes against the pain coursing through her. She could hear a voice shouting her name in the distance as her head slammed against the concrete, her body convulsing against the ground. Every slam against the floor sent more pain shooting through her, until she felt herself being gathered into warm arms and held tightly, someone gripping her as the convulsions began to die down. 

She slowly regained control, becoming more aware of her surroundings, and of the feeling of being slowly rocked from side to side. It was nice, even as the pain still throbbed in her head, a familiar weariness settling in alongside it. 

She eventually managed to pry her eyes open, looking up to see the pained expression on Johnny’s face as he watched her. Bringing up a shaking hand, she reached up and placed it on his cheek, scratching her thumb against his coarse stubble.

“Hey…” she croaked, her voice unexpectedly hoarse.

“Hey yourself.” His arms tightened around her. “How you feelin’, V?”

She gave a small laugh, that turned into a groan as her body protested. “Like shit, but thanks…” she looked around for Rogue, but just found an empty drive-in surrounding them. “Where’s Rogue? She not wanna stay for the party?”

V couldn’t quite decipher the look that flickered across his face at the mention of Rogue, but she figured it meant the date didn’t go well. She shouldn’t have felt a small wave of relief at that, but it was there. God, she was a bitch. She couldn’t even let him have this. Had she had a relic attack in the middle of their date? Managed to ruin it without even trying?

She came back with a tap to the forehead, metal finger jolting her out of her thoughts.

“Thinkin’ too much, you’ll break somethin’ like that.” 

She nudged him lightly, managing with his assistance to shift herself into a sitting position in his lap, resting her head against his chest when it proved heavier to hold up than she had expected. 

“Don’t think anythin’ in there needs to worry about bein’ broken any more than it already is.” 

It was supposed to lighten the mood, but she regretted it the second as she saw sadness on his features.

“Well, we’re here already, don’t wanna waste a good night. We could finish the movie?” She nodded up towards the screen, Bushido X still playing over their heads. 

“If that’s what you want. Sure you don’t wanna just head back? Lookin’ pretty rough.”

“Sorry, not dolled up enough for you?”

“Nah,” He brushed some damp, sweat soaked hair from her face. “Always lookin’ preem, V.”

He was the biggest bullshitter she’d ever met, they both knew full well she looked like death warmed up, but smiled at the comment nonetheless. If he was gonna play nice she wasn’t gonna call him out on it. 

He helped her pull herself to a standing position, having to do most of the heavy lifting with her arm hoisted around his neck as her knees buckled for the third time. It was a slow job, his arm tightening around her waist as the world spun around her. She was grateful to reach the car, leaning heavily against it as Johnny settled down into one of the soft leather seats. He sat, legs open and held onto her as she was guided to sit between them, back resting against his chest. His arms wrapped around her middle, partially to keep her upright, and she let her head loll back against his shoulder, eyes vaguely focused on the screen. 

It was nice, despite the pain still throbbing throughout her body. Trying to push it from her mind, they could almost be just a normal couple, on a casual date night to the drive-in. She knew if there was one thing they would never be, it was a normal couple, but she allowed herself to enjoy the thought. The image of Johnny turning up to her apartment, all dressed up with flowers in his hand, Porsche parked outside ready for a romantic night out, it nearly made her laugh. But there was also an ache, a longing for the kind of normalcy they could never have. 

And then she remembered Rogue, and she pushed any thoughts of their hypothetical date out of her mind. He wasn’t supposed to be here with her, he should’ve been sitting there rekindling his old flame, and here she was, being a feeble cockblock. 

Lips brushed against her ear, startling her out of her thoughts. “‘S on your mind, V?”

She shrugged. “Just feel bad, didn’t mean to interrupt your date night. Think you could try again another night?”

She felt him shake his head. “Nah, wasn’t you. She’d left before you came back.”

Well that was unexpected. If it wasn’t her, what had happened? She didn’t want to pry, but she couldn’t help it, morbid curiosity spurring her on. 

“What, she not interested anymore?”

“‘S not that.” He sighed, grabbing hold of her hand with his flesh one and rubbing small circles over the back with his thumb. “It’s complicated.”

She should just leave it there. He obviously didn’t want to talk about it any further, and she didn’t need to hear about how Rogue was his long lost love. Just leave it there and try and enjoy the moment. 

She could never take her own damn advice.

“What’s ‘complicated’ mean?” She tried to turn around, shifting in his lap to see his face better, but he held onto her tighter in response, keeping her facing straight ahead with his chin on her head, caging her in.

“V, I’m just gonna talk, and I want you to listen, ‘kay? You don’t gotta say anythin’, but I gotta say this.”

She nodded as well as she could trapped under his chin, letting herself settle back down against his chest, though in her gut she was preparing for the worst. 

“You were right, in the oil field. Never knew how to love anyone right, never been shown it myself, and I dealt with that the way I did everythin’ else. I fucked it up. Pushed everyone away, because lettin’ them in like that scared me so fuckin’ much. You let someone in, means you can lose ‘em. Thought I was protectin’ myself, but I ended up losin’ them all anyway and it still fucked me up.”

He paused, and she was worried he would leave it there, change his mind. Grabbing his hand, she gave him a light squeeze of encouragement to continue.

“And then you turned up, V. You turned up and ruined all of that.”

Her blood ran cold, and she had a strong urge to wriggle out of his grasp and run, not wanting to hear how this would end. Johnny must have felt her tense up, because his arms around her tightened again and she relented, feeling dread at the thought of what was to come. 

“The second you took that pill tonight I knew I couldn’t do that anymore. You were willin’ to make yourself sick just to give me a couple of hours with an old flame, even after what happened last time. Was sat there, next to a smokin’ hot chick who’d been willin’ to give me a chance after all this time, and all I could think about was you. How much I wished you were sat there next to me.”

Oh. 

“Fuck, V. Everythin’ in me is screamin’ to run, but it’s probably a good thing I can’t. Don’t wanna do that to you. You deserve better than that. Every day I can feel you slippin’ away, bit by bit, and it kills me knowin’ it's my fault. But I’m gonna spend every moment tryin’ to fix it, 'cause I’m not lettin’ that happen to you. I love you too fuckin’ much to let that happen.”

She had definitely forgotten how to breathe, but at that moment it didn’t seem to matter. He’d said it. That word she was so afraid to even let herself think in case he heard it, he’d said it out loud. She shifted round in his lap, his arms finally loosening enough to let her face him, and brought her hands up to cup his face. She pulled him down and he bent to meet her, lips coming together in a slow, languorous kiss that neither wanted to end. Mouths moving in tandem, his hand cradled the back of her head, pulling her further into him as hers moved towards his shoulders, gripping tightly lest she should lose him. Days, weeks of unspoken words went poured into one kiss, dancing between their tongues, never needing to be said. This was more than any words could describe. 

She broke away first, reluctantly, panting for breath as she rested her forehead against his. They gazed into each other’s eyes, tender smiles mirroring the others. 

“Love you too, Johnny. So fuckin’ much.”

Their breath intermingled as they sat there, enjoying each other’s warmth, staring at each other memorising their features, like it was the last time they would get to do so. She didn’t want the moment to end, but she felt the crushing exhaustion of the day pressing down on her as she fought against her eyes, which were repeatedly fluttering shut.

“C’mere.” He shifted her again, returning her to her previous position with his back against his chest, wrapping his arms firmly around her. She buried her face into the crook of his neck, and she swore she could smell his cologne. She was definitely losing it. But tucked away in his arms, just the two of them in the whole world, she couldn’t bring herself to care. 

He pressed his lips to the top of her head, his thumb rubbing up and down against her midriff in a slow, repetitive motion as her eyes drifted closed. They’d have to go back soon. Back to her apartment, to the bustle of the city, to the ever present threat that loomed over them. But for now, they could just have this, the two of them hidden away from the world, a regular couple on a date night to the drive-in, holding onto the person they loved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do they always end up sleeping because I'm tired? Unclear, but they do it anyway.


	11. The Lovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Lovers is the card of dichotomies. It points to the contradictions that clash within each of us and of the challenge of striking a balance between extremes. The Lovers is also the card of dilemmas, like The Fool who stands at the crossroads, unable to make his choice.”

Boots kicked up on the table, Samurai album playing in the background, and Kerry sat across from him, both nursing Tequila in their hands, Johnny could almost pretend it was 2023 again. Obviously, everything was off when examined closer, the table probably cost more than Samurai had earned in their first three years, Kerry was old as fuck, and it wasn’t  _ his _ hands holding the tequila. But for a while, through his tipsy haze, he could let himself pretend. 

Had he been  _ completely  _ certain Kerry would be sober enough to not blow their brains out when he found them, sat in his house, holding his guitar, playing like a man who'd been dead for 50 years? Possibly not. That was probably a fuck up on his part, but it had all worked out so she could hardly be mad. Hopefully. 

A cloud of smoke hung around them as they reminisced about Samurai’s early years, passing a joint back and forth between them. He was that sweet kind of hazy that both let him drift comfortably, but also afforded him a sharp clarity that was otherwise absent. 

“Poor fuckin’ Denny.” Kerry took a drag, offering the joint over to Johnny. “Weren’t allowed to smoke on stage again after that. Shame, because the shaved head was fuckin’ hot too.”

Johnny took it from him, rolling it between his fingers before taking a drag himself. “Yeah, an’ somehow I ended up getting the blame for your fuck up, Ker.” He took the opportunity to blow smoke in Kerry's direction, a lazy grin on his face as he watched him splutter against the onslaught. 

“Yeah well, made a nice change.”

Couldn’t fault him there, he was right. Kerry has taken the brunt for Johnny’s fuck ups for years. He’s surprised Arasaka hadn’t turned up at his door one day to make him cough up for damages. Though from what he’d seen, Kerry had paid enough for that night without Arasaka having to lift a finger. 

But that’s why he was here, wasn’t it? Help Kerry get past all that shit, move out of the shadow of Johnny Silverhand that had been haunting him since 2023. 

“So, uh.. you and V, you guys get along?” Kerry's voice brought him back, considering whether to answer. 

“How ‘bout I go first, what’s with all the fuckin’ animal print? Looks like a cheap ass BD set over here.” 

“Dunno Johnny, maybe I’m tryna be a fuckin’ cougar, ‘m the right age for it.” 

Johnny snorted, passing the joint back to Kerry. It was easy to forget just how old he was now just by lookin’ at him. Guess that’s what enough eddies could do. Who gave a fuck about losin’ their soul when they could look fuckin’ 30 at 90. 

“Think you’re past cougar age Ker, fuckin’ geriatric.” 

Kerry flicked ash at him, falling onto Johnny’s bare thighs. Fuck.  _ V’s _ thighs. 

“Didn’t answer mine, you guys good? Or you drive her up the fuckin’ wall too?”

“You of all people know the two ain’t mutually exclusive.” Johnny threw him a wink. “An’ yeah, kid loves me.” 

“Oh yeah? Must be fuckin’ something’ if she’s willing to put up with your bastard ass every second of the day.” 

Johnny laughed. A real, belly laugh that he hadn’t heard himself do since before Alt died. God, it felt so fuckin’ good to have this again, just the two of them, high as fuck, trash talking til the early hours. Only thing missing was gettin’ head from a groupie, but that wasn’t even on his radar anymore. 

“Yeah, she really is somethin…”

Kerry watched him, studying him closely, a shit eating grin spreading over his face.

“Fuck, Johnny, you got it bad, don’t you? You in love with the chick?” 

It was one thing to admit it to V herself, but to Kerry? Kerry had seen him fuck up a thousand times before, but he wanted him to see that this was different, that she’d really changed him.

“Fuckin’ head over heels Ker, scares me shitless.” 

Kerry took a long drag, nodding slowly, taking it in. 

“Okay lover boy, what’s it about this one that’s got you so far gone? More than her preem tits?”

“Yeah, they  _ are  _ preem though.” 

Kerry laughed and passed the joint back to Johnny, who took another drag. Room was gettin’ hazier and he felt like he was floating. But no matter how far he strayed, his mind was drawn back to her like Icarus to the sun. 

“Hard to explain, but… ‘s like I’m Narcissus, she’s my reflection. Two sides of the same coin, so fuckin’ beautiful I couldn’t look away if I wanted to. Be the fuckin’ death of me, but I’d die a happy man.” 

He met Kerry’s eye roll through the plume of smoke. 

“Fuck, forgot you get like this. Remember when you’d get high an’ suck me off backstage before a gig? Like gettin’ fuckin’ deep-throated by Byron.”

Johnny flipped him off, but his heart wasn’t there, it was drawn back to V, the way she laughed at his stupid fuckin’ negging, the way she looked at him in the morning, eyes still bleary with sleep, love in her eyes so strong it was like lookin’ into the fuckin’ sun. 

He’d loved before, of course he had. He’d loved Rogue, always so effortlessly cool, but something so ruthless it was like kissing fire. Alluring but deadly, burning too bright too fast. He’d loved Alt, more smarts in her pinkie when she was off her face than he had stone cold sober. Everything was frenzied passion, two volatile forces colliding.

And they’d both loved him too, but deep down, they all knew it would never have worked. All of them so fucked in the head they couldn’t have loved right if they’d tried. Rogue fed off his anger like a leech, stoking her own fire with his fuel, but she could never let him be less than that, needed him to burn as bright as she did til he burnt out. And Alt was the opposite. She wanted to drag him back to earth, thinking maybe if she could fix the years of hurt that weighed on his soul, she’d be happy with him. They both wanted a part of Johnny, and neither could let him be the whole.

And then V came along. The push to his pull, a cool ocean to his fire, the pieces of her slotted so perfectly into the holes that years of trauma had worn into his being. She balanced him, a perfect equilibrium, but she never tried to fix him. She gave him the space to just be, as he was, with no expectations or demands. Gave him the space he needed to dig himself out of his own hell, and gave him the love that showed him  _ how _ to love, how to heal his wounds by baring them all to her. Her love was the soothing balm that mended his heart, bit by bit, until he was whole again, her own soul patching up the pieces he couldn’t find within himself. 

And yet, he was still killing her. Drawn to her like a moth to a dying flame, he soaked up the last remnants of her light, drinking it in while he could. Maybe that’s why he was killing her, finally figured out how to love and the universe decided to fuckin’ mock him for it, take away the last thing he held dear. Wilde had it right. 

_ For each man kills the thing he loves, _

_ Yet each man does not die _

She’d die and he’d go on, trudging through life in her carcass, a divine punishment for his sins. 

If there was one thing he could do with the time he had, it was to make sure that never came to pass, to keep her soul safe from harm until they could save her from his damnation. 

“Ker?”

“Yeah?” Kerry watching him with a pensive gaze, god knows how long he’d been watching him stumbling through his clouded mind. 

“Need a favor from you-“

“Fuck, you kidding me Johnny? After all-“

“-No, _ listen. _ Need you to be there for V. Look out for her, watch her back, shoulder to cry on, that kinda crap. She needs someone, Ker, and it won’t always be me. Just...please. For me.” 

Kerry searched his face for something, a twitch of the lips, a hint of the bastard from their stories, the one who’d fucked him over time and time again. But he found nothing. 

“Alright, Johnny. For you. And for her. Must be pretty fuckin’ great if she’s got you so hung up. Like lookin’ at a new man.” 

Johnny smiled at him, a slightly dazed, but earnest one, and pulled Kerry into a tight hug. Kerry stiffened from the sudden motion, but eased into it, letting them have this moment he’d waited over 50 years for. Soon V would be back, and they’d be flung back into the pressure cooker of Night City, but for a moment, he could let himself exist with his friend, basking in the memories of youth, enjoying the hindsight of age, healing past wounds and starting anew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter one, but still a lil bit of Soft Johnny, though with the addition of Poetic Johnny, because he just be like that sometimes


	12. The Magician

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Magician is the card of self-confidence and adapting to situations through intellect and sheer will. The Magician is a schemer who always has one last trick up his sleeve, who despite everything manages to stay afloat and remain in control of his own destiny.”

It had become a nightly ritual by this point.

It began a week or so ago, lying in bed, when V had started to tell him a story from when she was a kid, her and two of her chooms getting up to mayhem in the badlands, but she’d faltered. She was only a couple of minutes in when her voice had cut off and he’d peered down at her to see why. Her face was frozen, a tear running down her cheek as she stared, unfocused into the darkness of the apartment. 

It was one of the first times she’d truly forgotten something, and it scared them both shitless. The look on her face killed him, because he knew he was the cause of it. Slowly taking away her memories piece by piece, overwriting her mind with his own. He’d pulled her in closer as she’d cried, stroking her hair and telling her everything would be okay, but they both knew that wasn’t true. It would just get worse, every day until she could barely remember her own name, and it was his fault. 

They’d lain there a while before he’d realised. Wracking his brain for something to help ease her pain, and he’d found it. He’d carried on the story for her. She’d been shocked at first, not understanding how he could know the things he was telling her, but then it had dawned on her. She might be forgetting, but it was his mind too. He was able to reach in and find the things she’d begun to lose, hold on and keep them safe for her. 

She’d settled in, nuzzled into his chest, his hand carding through her hair as he told her the story she’d remembered a hundred times before, but listened like it was the first. For all intents and purposes it  _ was.  _ They lay there long into the night as he told her stories from her childhood that she hadn’t realised she’d forgotten, hoping maybe if he told her enough they would be hers again, he could work his magic and she’d be fixed. 

Things rarely worked out like that.

***

And here they were again. The mood varied from night to night. Sometimes she would settle in, asking him for stories like a child that didn’t want to sleep. Other nights, she would beg him through her tears to tell her anything he could think of, something to help her try to remember who she was. And he obliged every time. 

Tonight was the latter. The evening had been normal. She’d come home from a gig, kicked her shoes off, ordered some food in and settled down in front of the TV. They were amusingly domestic considering their circumstances. He’d sat next to her, watching as she tucked into her food like a woman starved, poking fun at the show she’d tried to introduce him to, which had earned him an elbow to the ribs. It was evenings like this he imagined what could have been if they were just two people, meeting by chance one night at Afterlife. He’d still have been a bastard, probably. But would she have still had the same effect on him? All he had to do was look over to her, grinning at him from her seat as she shoved him playfully with her foot, to know she would have had the same effect on him in any lifetime, pulled together by an unseen force stronger than fate. Which is why it was so fucking unfair it had to be this one. 

It had been an unusually calm evening, which is why he was so frustrated he hadn’t seen it coming. He should have sensed it, like electricity in the air before a storm. Calm never lasted for them. If anything it meant things were about to get worse, and they did. 

Sitting on the sofa as the news scrolled by, Johnny was idly zoning in and out when he heard the smash from the bathroom. He’d leapt up from his seat, immediately glitching into the room, any notion of privacy vanished with the panic surging through him. V stood, staring into the now shattered mirror, pieces of glass stuck in her bleeding knuckles. She stared in a daze, tears quietly flowing down her cheeks, seeming not to notice his sudden presence behind her. She only reacted once his hand came to grip her shoulder, turning her to face him. The devastation painted across her face broke his damn heart. 

He pulled her into him, rubbing his hand in circles over her back as she let out heart wrenching sobs into his shoulder. 

“Shh, ‘S okay sweetheart, i’ve got you, you’re okay.”

He held her there for what felt like an eternity, listening to her fall apart against him, feeling utterly helpless. He could deal with anger. It would have been so much easier if she was just angry. But faced with the pure grief that wracked through her soul, he didn’t know what the fuck to do. 

Once she had calmed somewhat, sobs turning into sniffling and infrequent hiccups, he pulled away from her, reaching up to cup her cheek.

“There she is.” His thumb brushed across her skin and she leant into the touch, giving him a weak smile.

He let her enjoy the touch for a moment, knowing the next part would be worse, allowing her to delay it while she could. But he eventually had to pull his hand away, gesturing to the cabinet beneath the shattered mirror.

“First aid kit, can you grab it?”

She nodded mutely, reaching down with a dazed lack of coordination as she grabbed the kit from the cupboard, letting herself fall back to sit on the lid of the toilet. He crouched down in front of her, hand on her knee to help ground her, reassure her he was there.

“Good, doin’ good. Now’s the shitty part. Gonna need you to grab the tweezers an’ get those pieces of glass out. Can you do that?”

She was more hesitant this time, eyes still struggling to focus on the contents of the box in front of her. He gave her thigh a few firm taps to bring her attention to him, which worked, though her eyes still remained distant and detached. 

“You with me V? If you’re not that’s okay, we’ll call one of your chooms over. Your call.”

She squinted down at him, and he could see the strain as she tried to bring herself back.

“‘ll do it.” She mumbled, slurred. “Jus’ gimmie a minute.” 

“Whatever you need Darlin’, ‘m here.”

They sat there for longer than a minute, easily passing half an hour with him rubbing up and down her thigh soothingly, pressing kisses to the bare skin intermittently. The contact seemed to pay off, with her eyes slowly coming back into focus to gaze down at him, the grief from before replaced with an exhaustion that lay heavy on her features. 

“Hey there,” The hand on her thigh gave a tight squeeze. “Back with me now?”

“Yeah.” She spoke softly, but more cognisant than she had before. “‘M back.”

“Good. We gotta get that glass out an’ we can go to bed, okay?”

She looked down at the glass sticking out of her knuckles like she was just noticing it for the first time. Maybe she was. She reached a hand into the box and pulled out the tweezers, aiming for the biggest piece first. He watched her tighten her grip, trying to offset the shaking, but she still managed to nudge it before she could grab it, letting out a sharp hiss of pain. His hand on her thigh rubbed up and down, more vigorously than he had before, trying to distract her from the pain. 

“Nearly got it, go on.”

She took a deep breath, steeling herself, and went back in. This time she managed to grip it and pull it out with relative ease, still wincing in pain as the shard left her skin. Dropping the piece into the first aid box to be dealt with later, she returned to her hand to grapple with the next piece. 

Her hands still shook, even as she got to the smaller pieces, but she managed to get them all out. Johnny felt his stomach turn watching her, pain flitting across her face every time the tweezers made contact. He wanted to help, to be able to do this for her, let her give into the exhaustion weighing on her and take care of her. But all he could do was sit here with her, a grounding presence, rubbing up and down her thigh, spurring her on whenever she seemed to falter. 

She managed the next step without prompting, taking a cotton wool pad and rubbing alcohol, cleaning over the wounds on her knuckles, able to keep her sounds of discomfort to a minimum as the alcohol burned against the cuts. Finally nearly done with cleanup, she wrapped a bandage around her hand, tying it up and flexing her hand. Satisfied, the box was dumped on the side for tomorrow V to deal with. 

“You want a hand up?” 

Johnny stood, offering a hand down to her, which she took with her good hand without hesitation, using him to hoist herself up. He watched her sway for a moment, weariness threatening to overcome her, and wrapped an arm around her waist to help her stagger out of the bathroom and towards their bed. She would have probably fallen face first onto the bed had he not tightened his grip when he felt her going, instead lowering her down to perch on the edge of the mattress. He stood, watching as she half heartedly shimmied her trousers off and kicked them into the ether, shuffling back into the bed. 

Satisfied, he climbed in to join her, laying on his back and pulling her the rest on top of him, her head pressed to his chest. They lay there, enjoying the quiet after the storm. 

“Hey, Johnny?”

Her quiet voice barely disturbed the still of the dimly lit room, but he could hear the trepidation it was laced with. 

“Yeah?”

“...Will you tell me ‘bout the time I met Jackie?”

The night's events clicked into place. The sudden shift in mood. She’d been losing more memories as the days went on, but nothing so recent before, and definitely nothing about Jackie. The pain in her voice broke his heart, knowing how hard it must have hit her to realise even her memories of Jackie were slipping through her fingers, no way to hold on. 

“‘Course I will V, C’mere.” He shifted his arms around her, metal wrapped around her holding her securely to him, the flesh one slowly stroking her hair, helping her to relax into his touch. 

He couldn’t fix her, he knew that. The slow decline he was witnessing was inevitable, each day losing more of her, but this was something he could do. Maybe, if he did this every day, gave her back the stories she held so dear, he could give her back something of herself in the process, or at least something of himself to help patch the hole they left behind. 

“So, you start off doin’ this gig for Jackie, choom you’ve never met, an’ you’re transportin’ mystery cargo into Night City, right?”

She nods, as if she remembers it, though they both know she’s hearing it as if it were the first time. 

“So you and Jackie are smugglin’ this cargo into night city in your Galena-”

“My what?”

He pauses, unsure whether to elaborate, lest he make her feel worse.

“...Your car, V.”

She gave an almost silent “Oh.” so soft it punched him in the gut. He let his arm around her tighten, hoping she felt the reassurance and love her put into the action.

“So,” He continued, hoping to distract her again with the story. “You get to the checkpoint, an’ you gotta go in to be interrogated by this border guard. So, ‘course you try and bribe the fucker like the gonk you are-”

That earned him an elbow to the ribs.

“Hey! Your memory not mine Darlin’.” He received a huff in response, but she let him continue. “So, tried to bribe him. Obviously didn’t work, an’ you and Jackie are bein’ tailed the minute you leave the place. End up havin’ to hang out the window while Jackie drives, full on gunfight before you’re even in the damn city.”

She gave a small laugh. “Sounds like somethin’ I’d do.”

“‘S because it is. So you manage to take ‘em out, losin’ them around Biotechnica Flats, and you guys pull into some abandoned house to catch a breather.”

“What was in the cargo though?”

“We’re gettin’ there!” He gives her a soft swat to the back of the head, before resuming his stroking and carrying on the story. “So, you’ve stopped, and Jackie’s pissed because he ain’t used to this kinda thing. You tell him this is run of the mill crap and he ain’t pleased, sayin’ you’re shitty at your job. 

She scoffed. “Fuckin’ rude.”

“ _ But _ , you talk your shit out, and decide to check out the precious cargo in the trunk.”

“And? What was it?”

“A fuckin’ Iguana!”

V barked out a laugh. “An Iguana? You pullin’ my leg?”

“Nope. Real live iguana. Jackie-”

“Wanted to keep it, right? Call it Manny?”

Relief flooded through him at her interruption. She’d forgotten most of it, but some things were still buried in there, which gave him hope. 

“‘S right. But you convinced him to sell it, get yourselves some eddies. An’ Jackie offers to be your choom, help you get set up in NC. You guys shake on it, and head off with Manny into the city. Rest is history.”

She gave a yawn, tracing the finger of her bandaged hand in a pattern over his chest. Her voice was still small, but it had lost the tension it held earlier.

“Thanks, Johnny. I mean it.”

“‘S no problem.” He took her injured hand and raised it to his lips, pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles. “Feelin’ better?”

“A bit. It’s just…’s scary, y’know? Losin’ more each time. Scared one day i’m gonna wake up and not even recognise you.”

The fear he hadn’t dared to voice, somehow more painful coming from her, sounding so fragile, scared.

“I know Darlin’. ‘S gonna be okay. If I gotta tell you these stories every damn day, then that’s what ‘m gonna do. I got you.”

He felt her finally relax against him under his ministrations, continuing to stroke her hair and whisper quiet reassurances to her under the cover of the dimly lit room, telling her she was safe, and she was loved. Eventually, he felt her breath begin to even out, body going completely lax against his chest. He was gentle as he adjusted her, making sure she was tucked into him securely, before letting his eyes fall shut and giving into the familiar lull of sleep which had been pulling at him. Tomorrow, he knew they would have to go through this all over again, watch her desperation as she fell apart at the seams. But he’d be there, same as he was every day, reminding her who she was, and how much he loved her, hoping that for now, it was enough to hold her together. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An early upload because this is my favourite and I hope y'all enjoy it too!


	13. The Tower

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Tower is an omen of radical change, chaos and destruction. The lightning striking The Tower signifies a return to the old order that lies buried under the ruins, and a new order that will rise from it. It is a symbol of tragedy, apocalypse, and self-destruction.”

“Bone him!” 

Johnny's voice shouted from the sofa, muffled by the bathroom door.

“I’m not boning Kerry, Johnny!”

“Cmon V, do it for me!” 

She laughed, shimmying on her pants and giving her hair a quick brush through before joining him in the main room of their apartment. He pouted as she walked over to the mirror, receiving her middle finger in response. 

Looking herself up and down in the mirror, V barely recognised herself. Plain old denim shorts and a Samurai T-shirt was hardly a typical merc uniform, but today she wasn’t a typical merc. Honestly, she’d thought Kerry was pulling her leg when he told her to meet him at the harbor, but here she was, six-thirty, getting ready to go hang out on a boat with Kerry Eurodyne. Fucked up as her life was at present, it certainly had some advantages. 

She turned to Johnny, who was lounging on the sofa lazily strumming a tune, and gestured to herself questioningly. He held his finger up and circled it in the air. Always has to see her damn ass. She rolled her eyes but obliged, giving him a slow spin around, cocking her hip when she faced him again with a raised eyebrow. She cracked up when his response was to do a chef's kiss.

“Lookin’ preem Darlin’. All this just for lil old Ker?” 

“You jealous?” 

He said nothing, but a smile twisted across his lips. She sauntered towards him, gesturing for him to leave the guitar, which he did, so she could climb to straddle his lap.

“Got nothin’ to be jealous of,” she leaned her head down so her lips brushed his ear, “I‘m all yours baby.” 

Grinning, he used his arm to grab her ass and pull her closer, other hand bringing her face to meet his, drawing her into a slow kiss. She let herself be dragged into his movements, lips moving languidly against each other, open mouthed and easy. She allowed herself to enjoy the moment, their bodies shifting into each other with the motions, so tender and unhurried she was reluctant to let it end. But she knew Kerry was waiting, hell he’d been waiting 50 years, it seemed unfair to make him wait any more.

She pulled away slowly, his lips following hers until he relented, letting her go with a huff. Giving her ass one last squeeze before she rose, he earned himself a swat to the thigh as she went, throwing her a wink as she grabbed her bag. He was still sat there when she closed the door behind her, but she knew he’d be close behind her, a comforting shadow wherever she went. 

***

“Ahoy there, Scallywag!” 

She couldn’t help but smile as she approached the yacht, Kerry waving his arms over his head like a madman to catch her attention. The Kerry from Johnny’s memories had never struck her as a yacht guy, but she’d also seen this guys fuck ugly mansion so she couldn’t be too surprised. However when he said  _ Seamurai… _

“Please tell me you’re fuckin’ with me Ker.”

He raised an eyebrow at her, kicking his boot up onto the seat beside him in a position that mimicked Johnny’s habitual one. 

“What, you don’t like it?” 

“Oh sure I do, as much as I like all that animal print you got knockin’ around. Tell me, you wearin’ that budgie smuggler under those pants, or was that just for Johnny’s benefit?”

“Bold of you to think ‘m wearin’ anythin’ under this.” He winked, V rolling her eyes at how stupidly similar the two men were. 

Kerry picked up his guitar and began to play, humming along to a tune she hadn’t heard before but quickly got into the rhythm of, tapping her thigh and nodding along. In her peripheral, she caught a glimpse of Johnny lying on the deck, tapping his own foot along with hers. Must be good with the Johnny seal of approval. 

“That new?”

Kerry peered up at her, an easy smile on his face. 

“Yeah, something’ I’ve been workin’ on, you like it?”

She nodded. “Real catchy, Johnny seems to like it too.”

He scanned across the boat as if he expected to catch him lurking in the corner.

“Oh, he’s here?”

“Yeah, that okay?” 

“Sure, always nice to have an audience.”

She heard Johnny scoff from where he lay.

“Bet it fuckin’ is. Ask him to tell you ‘bout the time I tugged him off onstage.” 

Kerry caught her eye roll, throwing her a questioning stare.

“He messin’ with you? He tellin’ you some shit about me?”

She sighed, acquiescing. “He wants me to ask you ‘bout the time he jerked you off onstage.” 

Kerry snorted, turning his gaze out to the water, seeming to get lost in the memory. 

“Fuck me..”

“He asked me to do that too, politely declined. No offense.”

He turned back to her, face crinkled in mirth. 

“Same old Johnny...you wanna hear it?” 

V settled into her seat with her legs crossed like a school kid ready for a story, grandly gesturing for him to begin. He adjusted himself in his seat, turning more to face her, still strumming his guitar absentmindedly as he spoke. 

“So it’s, god- two thousand and six? Million fuckin’ years ago now. So we’re up there one night, gigs goin’ well, crowds all riled up. Just finished Chippin’ In, and we start playing’ A Like Supreme. But just as we're gettin’ into it Johnny stops playin’. I look at him and he’s just stood there, fuckin’ grinning at me. So I keep going, pick in’ up the slack, when suddenly he’s behind me and my belts bein’ thrown into the crowd, all of ‘em go fuckin’ nuts for it. Nearly stopped playing, but his damn voice was in my ear whisperin’ that if I stopped he’d fuck me right there. So I keep on playing, thinking he’s just fuckin’ with me, when bam, he’s pulled my fuckin’ dick out and he’s playing me like his fuckin’ axe!” 

V’s hand grips the side of the Yacht as she cackles, tears filling her vision, taking a minute to catch her breath before she speaks. 

“And? You finish?” 

“Nah, stage fright. I’ll give it to him though, possibly best I ever played it, go figure.”

She wiped away a stray tear from her eyes, still wearing a grin as she looked over to Johnny, smug smile plastered across his face. 

“I should’a done it more than once, crowd went fuckin’ ape shit for it.”

She pictured the scene, then realised she wasn’t imagining it, Johnny was showing it to her. She could hear the screaming crowd, Kerry’s strained breaths in his ear, smell the cheap alcohol and smoke, feel Johnny’s wicked delight at his reaction. It almost made her nostalgic for a place she’d never been, a time she’d never existed in. 

“Haven’t asked me why we're out here yet.”

She turned back to Kerry, pulled out of Johnny’s memory, smile on his face replaced by something more contemplative. 

“Figured you’d tell me soon enough.” 

He sighed, continuing to strum away the same tune she was growing more familiar with. 

“Y’know, first song I ever wrote that was worth a damn I wrote out at sea, cruise ship gig. And now here we are, out here again and I’m onto something’ new for the first time in god knows how long. One of life’s loops, cycles.” 

V nodded. “Sure, I see that. Doesn’t explain why we’re out here though.”

“I’ve been thinkin’. Bout the whole Us Cracks fiasco, ‘bout the way you dropped into my life right when I needed someone. Was stuck in a hole for 50 fuckin’ years before you turned up, haunted by a damn ghost I couldn’t shake. And now..” he gestured to himself and the guitar on his lap. “Makin’ music again, feel like I can breathe. Finally feel like my own self again. Just wanted to say thanks, y’know?” 

If someone had told her two months ago that she’d be sat on a yacht with Kerry Eurodyne, his old choom living in her brain, sometimes having sex with her, and that Kerry would be telling her he was grateful for her friendship, she would have probably knocked their lights out. And yet here she was, more content than she had been in a while, sat there enjoying old stories and listening to him play. Considering she was dying, she could think of worse ways to spend her last days.

“Didn’t do much, just stopped you doin’ something’ you’d regret.”

“Nah, ‘s more than that. You really shook things up, y’know? Hate to admit it, but I ain’t had a real friend since Johnny. Then right when I need one, his dead ass drops you on my doorstep. Bleeding’ heart of Night City here with a bow on top to cheer his old choom up.” 

“So what, we chooms then?”

“Damn right we are.” 

He threw her a grin and went back to humming along to his tune. It made a warmth spread through her, hearing that from him. He’d obviously been in rough shape when they’d rocked up last week, but she hasn’t really realised into that point just how much he’d needed them. Needed her. 

Basking in the warmth of a newfound friendship, she closed her eyes and leant her head back, allowing herself to soak in the last rays of sunlight as it dipped over the horizon, the soft sea breeze cool against her skin. She could feel not just her own contentment, but Johnny’s radiating right back at her. She knew he needed this time with Kerry as much as Kerry did, and she was glad she could indulge them both while slotting herself into the middle of their little friendship pile. She felt wanted.

V opened her eyes as the boat came to a stop, the sun having finally dipped below the horizon, leaving them in the grey-blue light of dusk. Kerry leapt to his feet, raising his guitar high in the air as he spoke.

“All right. Now for a breath of freedom!”

The first whack of the guitar against the floor made her jump, worried he’d finally lost his shit somewhere along the way. She had to quickly duck as the smashed up remains of the guitar went flying over her head and into the water behind her. 

“Well? You gonna help me trash this thing?”

Definitely lost his shit. She looked over to Johnny for help, but he just stood leaning against the side of the deck, wicked smile from ear to ear, gesturing for her to follow him. Dude was a terrible influence, but fuck she wasn’t gonna argue.

“A bit of chaos and destruction? Fuck it, why not?” 

“That’s my girl!” Kerry shouted over his shoulder, running into the hull with V following close behind.

“Sure you’re not gonna regret trashing your boat?”

“Ain’t my boat kid, really think I’d call my own fuckin’ yacht Seamurai?” 

“I mean- wait, who's the fuck is it Kerry?” 

Of course Kerry had her trashing some  _ else’s  _ fucking boat. They’d started this whole friendship blowing up a van, why not some stranger's boat. 

“L.B. Kovachek’s. Never got the chance to thank him for fuckin’ me over with the Us Cracks shit...and the rest. So here’s my fuckin’ thank you card.” 

V blinked, leaping out of the way as Kerry smashed an axe down on the kitchen countertop. Where the fuck did the axe come from? 

“C’mon V, get smashin’!” 

Taking a moment to peer over at the sofa where she sat Johnny, legs kicked up, arms behind his head with an amused smile, he brought a hand down to give her a thumbs up, and that was enough for her. 

First, the coffee machine, leaving a dent on the floor as she smashed it down. Then a painting, Johnny probably knew who by even if she didn’t have a clue, though seeing as it was here it probably cost a small fuckin’ fortune. She took extra pleasure in stomping her foot through it, satisfied by the loud ripping sound as her boot tore a hole straight in the middle. 

“Give me a hand with this thing’” 

So distracted by creating her own carnage, she almost forgot she was there with Kerry until she heard his voice shout from across the room. Seeing him gesturing for her to join him, she jumped over the piles of trash mounting on the floor, standing beside him by the lever, placing her hands next to his when prompted. Tugging down hard, they both strained, pulling on the lever with all their weight until it snapped down and V went flying into Kerry, so close their noses were touching. 

Both were shocked by the sudden closeness, his breath hot on her cheek. She took his cheek and pulled him closer so she could place a warm kiss on his opposite side, stubble rough under her lips. Pulling away, he smiled at her, a soft, familiar smile that brought back that warmth from the deck. 

Kerry patted her on the shoulder, sprinting back over to the door of the yacht and lighting up a cigarette. He took one long drag, before holding it out for V to take.

“You wanna do the honors, V?”

She walked over to him, hesitating a moment, before grabbing the cigarette and taking a drag herself, feeling Johnny’s satisfaction at the act.

“To settling’ scores!” She yelled, flinging the cigarette into the room and watching at the carpet caught alight, everything quickly set ablaze around them. She felt Kerry grab her hand and pull her out onto the deck, shoving her towards the edge of the yacht. 

“Hope you can fuckin’ swim!” 

And then she was shoved overboard, hearing Kerry’s laughter above her before he jumped in after her, both swimming together towards the shore. The beach could barely be called a beach. It was filthy and covered in trash, but she was too soaked and pumped up on adrenaline to care. As Kerry clambered out of the water and sat, patting the ground beside him, she slumped down next to him as they watched Seamurai being consumed by flames. 

“Had fun, kid?” 

She nodded, leaning back to admire the view.

“Yeah, bit of sea, bit of music, bit of arson, my kinda night.” 

Kerry’s laughter was loud in her ear as he draped an arm around her and pulled her into him, her head resting on his shoulder as they looked out over the water. 

“Thanks for coming’ with me V. Meant what I said, you’re a real choom, and I’m real fuckin’ grateful you landed on my doorstep. Hope Johnny knows it too. Might be an asshole, but still my asshole, so…” he looked around them as if he expected to find him, speaking louder like that would help him hear. “Thanks, Johnny!”

“Not here right now. But he heard you.”

He nodded, letting out a peaceful sigh as they sat there side by side, watching the flames lick higher over the yacht, comfortable silence stretching between them as they let themselves enjoy the moment. She was grateful for a lot of things Johnny had given her, but true companionship in her last days was the best gift she could have asked for, and she felt his own gratitude radiate right back at her, because she’d given him that too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do we sometimes play it fast and loose with the tarot cards? Maybe so, but I needed more Kerry so here we are


	14. The Fool

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Fool is everyone - including you and me. Each step he takes on his journey feels like stepping into a brave new world. Ultimately, the journey will change him. But as the card shows, he's a trustworthy lad whose tireless hope drives him toward his goal."
> 
> I swear it wasn't supposed to be this long, but sorry for the pain

They knew from waking that today would be her last day.

She’d hardly made it three steps from the bed when she dropped, convulsing violently against the floor. Johnny had jumped out of their bed, kneeling down and rolling her onto her side, holding his flesh hand under her head to shield it from the brunt of the impact. It could have only been 5 minutes, but it was the longest 5 minutes of his life, watching her seize beside him, unable to do anything to stop it. He was becoming familiar with the routine by now, but that didn’t make it any easier, only able to kneel beside her, holding her head and reassuring her that she was okay, that he was there and she was safe. 

Eventually, to his relief, her movements ceased and she fell back limply against the floor. But when her eyes didn’t open the dread set in. She couldn’t be gone, not like this. But god, she looked so lifeless, so frail lying there. Scooping her into his arms and rocking her, he repeated her name over and over like a prayer to try and rouse some kind of response. He knew she was still there, he could feel her consciousness amongst his own, faint though it was, but that didn’t make it any less terrifying to feel her limp in his arms, unmoving. 

She finally began to stir, and her small groans were the most beautiful sound he’d ever heard. Eyes pried open, heavy lidded and dazed, she looked around her with confusion. He watched as she surveyed her surroundings, gaze coming to meet his with a look of disorientation.

“Where- ‘m…” she slurred, trying to form a single thought and straining to do so. 

“‘S ok V, just a bad relic attack. You remember?”

She squinted at him, tears prickling in the corner of her eyes as she tried to think. She shook her head.

“That’s okay.” He said, but his grip on her tightened. “What’s the last thing you remember?” 

He watched as she tried again, straining to grasp onto the nearest memory.

“Remember…with Ker, the boat…”

Johnny felt his heart stop, dread clutching at his chest as he tried to figure out how to tell her.

He spoke softly, as if that would ease the impact of his words. “V… that was four days ago…”

Her mouth hung open in a silent “oh” and her lip began to quiver. She looked so afraid, and damn if he didn’t feel it just as strong. 

“C’mere sweetheart, gonna be okay.” 

False platitudes they both knew. He pulled her in, tucking her face into his neck as she began to cry, body wracked with sobs as he held her against him. He wished more than anything that he could help her, do anything to help ease her pain, but they both knew the point at which they'd reached, there was nothing he could do but be there for her. 

They sat there on the floor under the slow rising sun until her tears had dried up, slowly rocking her and whispering to her. He couldn’t bear to lie to her, just telling her that he loved her and he’d be there with her until the end. Both knowing that would be sooner rather than later.

*** 

She’d had some big grand plans for the last day, he knew. She’d been thinking about it a lot, thinking about all the things she wanted to do, all the things she’d wanted to do for Johnny. As disappointed as she may be, she would probably have to lower her expectations somewhat. 

With his help, she’d managed to make it back to bed, though to Johnny’s frustration she had refused to take an omega blocker once she’d settled down.

“Not happenin’ Johnny, if this is our last day I want you here with me.”

He could hardly argue with that, especially when she’d reached out to grab his hand, so small against his own, clutching it with all the strength she had. He’d returned her grip, bringing her hand to his lips and pressing a soft kiss to her knuckles, mostly healed by now. 

“Well then, ‘s your day V. You’re runnin’ this show, what you wanna do?”

“Apart from not die?” 

She gave him a weak smile, but he didn’t return it, his face dropping at her words. 

“Not fuckin’ funny.” 

Her face dropped again and he felt like shit. Her words made his stomach turn, but he knew he couldn’t be mad at her. She was dying and this was how she was choosing to deal with it, who was he to tell her she was wrong? 

He sighed and climbed up to lie down beside her, hands still joined between them. They lay there for a while as V considered her options. Or her imminent demise. Probably both. He lay beside her, rubbing his thumb absentmindedly against her hand as he waited for her decision.

“Want you to show me how to play the guitar.”

He turned to her, pulled out of his thoughts by her voice, surprised by her answer. 

“Hardly a teacher, V.”

She looked into his eyes and pouted, a look so ridiculous it brought a smile to his face he didn’t think possible after that morning. No matter what the request was, he knew he would never say no to her, not now.

“Fine, fine.” He raised his free hand, relenting. “Think you can sit up for long enough?” 

“We’ll have to find out won’t we.” 

He sat up and placed a hand behind her back, helping to guide her upright. She managed, but wavered significantly and he could see the strain on her to maintain the position. He pointed to the acoustic within reach of her bed.

“I’ll hold you, you reach over and grab it.”

A difficult operation, Johnny kept a firm hold of her waist as she reached desperately, grappling for the neck which she missed several times. It was worth it for her small triumphant “Aha!” as she managed to grab hold and, with his assistance once more, pulled it onto the bed, placing it down on the mattress. 

She looked satisfied but exhausted, the activity having drained most of her energy. He shuffled so his back rested against the side of the alcove, patting his knee as she watched him with confusion.

“C’mere. It’ll be easier.”

Understanding crept onto her face, and she crawled slowly towards him, placing herself down in his lap, cross legged. She didn’t pick up the guitar straight away, allowing herself to catch her breath, regaining some energy from the exertion. He didn’t rush her, running fingers through her hair as she waited patiently for her to recover. 

When she finally reached for the guitar, he waited till she had settled it on her knee, getting comfortable with her arms around it. 

“‘Kay, ‘m gonna give you a hand, you watch the guitar, okay?”

She nodded, and he placed his hands over hers, bringing her left hand higher up the neck and placing her fingers on the frets, pressing them down onto the first chord. His right hand over hers, he used his thumb to guide her to give a few cursory strums, letting her get a feel for it. 

“What’s this?”

“That's A.” 

She nodded, giving a few more strums, listening to the sound. When she was satisfied, she wriggled on his lap, a sign to move to the next one. He obliged, shifting her left fingers once more and strumming with her. They repeated this for a couple more chords before stopping, not wanting to overwhelm her. She turned her head to peer at him.

“Can we play somethin’? Somethin’ easy.”

She was hardly ready to take to the stage, but he was willing to oblige her, knowing he could help her follow along. He nodded and helped readjust their grip on the guitar, making sure she was comfortable before they started. 

The rhythm was slow and stilted, but the original tune wasn’t lost. She leant back heavily against him, and he knew he was doing most of the work, but she seemed to be enjoying herself. Even more so when he began to hum along, the feeling vibrating in his chest and through her back. The melody was soft and sweet, and they both lost themselves in it, swaying slightly with the rhythm. 

She pushed the guitar off her lap when his hands drew to a stop, settling it down beside them and taking his hands in hers, rubbing them softly with her thumbs.

“‘S nice. Not one of yours?”

“Nah, ‘s called Blackbird, even older than I am.”

“Is that even possible?”

He laughed, shoving her teasingly but gently. “Watch your damn mouth, Princess.”

“You gonna make me?” 

He couldn’t see her face, but he could hear the smirk in her voice. He was wary of exhausting her, but if this was her last day they might as well make the best of it. 

Helping her shuffle back up the bed, her head resting on the pillows, he lay over her, resting on his forearms to avoid squashing her, and brought his lips down to meet hers. It was slow and tender, all the fear of the morning washed away as they came together. He couldn’t let go of her, worried that any touch could be their last, but when he looked into her eyes and saw the love and desire they held, he pushed all of that aside. 

She gazed at him with an intense adoration that grasped hold of his heart so tightly he would have struggled to breathe, given the ability to breathe in the first place. That's how it was with her. When he was on the stage, Johnny Silverhand was a legend, adored by thousands. But here, with the woman he loved, he felt what true adoration was. It was the way her heart fluttered when she saw his face in the morning, the way unconditional love she immersed him in, the way she curled into his arms at the end of the day and he knew she felt like she had come home, because he did too. 

He moved further down, kissing her through her T-shirt as he went, knowing she was probably too cold to want to remove it. She was always too damn cold now. Shaking that thought, he made his way between her legs, pressing soft kisses to her bare thighs. He hooked his fingers into the band of her underwear and helped her shimmy them off. 

She let out a soft moan when he pressed his mouth to her, any ideas of teasing long forgotten. He licked his way up her lips, pressing his tongue inside, his metal hand rubbing circles over her abdomen as she writhed under the touch. Flesh fingers soon joined in, pumping in and out as his tongue moved to alternate between drawing circles around her clit and sucking it into his mouth, moans growing louder above him as a hand moved to grip his hair. It was a loose grip, not having the energy to be any firmer, but he got the message, crooking his fingers faster as her orgasm grew closer. 

“Not with a bang, but with a whimper” always framed the latter as the lesser outcome, but laying in their bed, V’s legs wrapped around his neck whimpering his name as sunlight trickled into the room, Johnny didn’t see why they couldn’t have both. If this was their last day together, then today was for her and only her, the rest of the world be damned. Her moan was muffled as her thighs clenched around his head, walls spasming around his fingers as her orgasm crashed through her. It ended as it began, with wet kisses pressed to her inner thigh as she came down from the high.

He wanted to give her the world, but he would settle for this. Giving her everything she deserved, everything life had deprived her of, if only for today, would be hers. 

Moving back up to meet her, this time he was guided by her hand resting against the back of his head. Her face was weary but sated when he joined her, fighting against the drag of her eyelids. His hand running tenderly down her face, she finally let her eyes flutter shut, relaxing into the touch. He could feel sleep pulling her as rested his head on her chest, listening to her heartbeat as she drifted to sleep once more. 

***

Her next request wasn’t quite as simple. Even though they both knew it wasn’t possible, it still broke his heart to have to say it.

“I wanna go see Jackie.”

“V, you know you-“ 

“ _ I’m _ the one who’s dying, I get to call the shots.”

Fuck, he did not want to have this conversation.

“Look, you can barely get outta bed, you ain’t drivin’ halfway across town.” 

She glared at him, anger evident as she huffed. He just sighed and tried to take her hand, but she pulled it back, turning away from him. He sat there, hoping for her to turn back, to give him some kind of signal she was ready to listen to him. He regretted his wish when she sniffed, turning back to him with tears in her eyes and a tremor in her voice.

“‘ _ S not fair _ .” 

He reached over and cradled her face, brushing away her tears with the pad of his thumb. He pulled her closer to rest his lips against her forehead, a familiar gesture he knew always soothed her.

“I know Darlin’, I know.” 

They stayed there a minute, giving her time to calm down as his mind went through their options. Thankfully, he’d settled on one by the time she was pulling away, sniffling and wiping her nose. 

“V, can I use your holo?”

She stared at him, blankly. “How would that even work?”

“I take over for a second, I make the call, and I’m out of there.”

She was even more confused. “You can’t do that without me taking one of Misty’s pills-“

The look he gave her made her stop in her tracks. He had been reluctant to tell her, hoping she wouldn’t have to know.

“Oh. You  _ can  _ take over, can’t you..” she worried her lip between her teeth, both of them sharing the same concern.

“Listen, won’t do it if you don’t wanna, but it would just be a minute.” 

He watched her mull it over, obviously wary of giving herself over, but she trusted him enough. 

“Okay, just a minute.” 

  
  


He nodded, and she closed her eyes as he moved into her, taking control. It felt awful, being in her body. Worse than the last time. It felt like dying. 

He pulled up the holo and made the call.

“Hey, Misty? Need a favour.”

***

V was asleep again when the door went. That had been most of their day, V sleeping while Johnny watched over her, keeping vigil while she rested. They both knew she would need it. 

Groggily, she shouted towards the door. “‘S open!”

The door chimed as it opened, Misty walking into the room with a brown paper bag and a frame. Johnny noticed her stifle a gasp as she approached the bed, and he couldn’t blame her. V looked much worse than the last time they’d seen Misty. She was tired and gaunt, the exhaustion and pain that weighed heavily on her had taken its toll. Misty crouched beside the bed and shook her gently, V having fallen back to sleep. 

“Hey, Honey. How you holding up?”

V stirred, prying her eyes open to find the source of the soft spoken voice.

“..Misty?” 

“Yep.” She smiled, raising the brown bag in the air. “Brought some food, figured you could use it.”

Misty perched on the bed beside her, placing the frame on her bedside table and unpacking the contents of the bag. The smell was enough to fully rouse her, shuffling to sit upright with the invisible aid of Johnny beside her. Misty gave a small nod to the space beside V, almost as if she could see him sitting there. He liked the chick, but sometimes she still gave him the damn creeps. 

They ate in companionable silence, V shovelling down her food so fast Johnny could already feel indigestion coming. But she looked content, sat there with her friend, her usual sense of urgency gone. 

When they finished, Misty packed away their trash back into the paper bag, placing it on the floor to take with her. She back turned to V grabbing her hands between her own and squeezing. 

“Whatever happens, we all love you V, you know that. And he’s watching out for you too.”

Misty gestured to the bedside table, where V finally clocked the presence of the photo frame, holding a smiling photo of Jackie, Misty, and herself. 

“Johnny said you couldn’t visit but wanted to see him, figured this was the next best thing.” 

V was lost for words, unable to take her eyes off the photo. She picked it up, tracing over the image of Jackie in a daze. 

“I’ll leave you to it, honey.” Misty patted her knee under the blanket and went to leave, but V grabbed her hand and weakly pulled her into a hug. 

“Thanks, Misty.” Her voice muffled in her shoulder. 

Misty squeezed her tightly in the way V wanted to but couldn’t. Johnny could feel the warmth spreading through her at the touch. She eventually pulled away and left, pressing a swift kiss to V’s cheek before leaving with their trash in tow. 

Once Misty was gone, V looked back to the frame on her lap, picking it up so carefully, like her touch would shatter it. She glanced towards Johnny, but he stayed silent, gesturing for her to go ahead. 

She cleared her throat and began to talk, voice still gravelly with sleep, and a melancholy sadness she always had thinking about Jackie. 

“Hey...Jackie. It’s V. I dunno if you can hear me but, figured it was worth a shot. Miss you so damn much choom. Every day when I drive past Mama Welles’ place or see your tequila sittin’ in my apartment, knowin’ you’d be so mad it was just sat there. Every time I walk into Afterlife I wish you were there with me, two of us together in the big leagues.” 

She took a long, shaking breath, steadying herself before she continued.

“It’s lookin’ rough Jack, not sure how this is gonna end but… wanted to thank you. Not just for being’ my choom, but for the chip. If you hadn’t stuck that chip in me when you did …” she looked over to Johnny. “Well, I’d’ve missed out on one of the best things that ever happened to me.” 

Not looking up from the photo, she reached out, Johnny’s hand quickly finding hers and holding it tight. 

“Hope you’re havin’ a blast up there Jack, remember to save me a Jackie Welles behind the bar, will ya? Love you, choom.” 

She brought the frame up, placing a kiss on the glass, before lowering it back down to the bedside table, letting him watch over her. 

Johnny had expected tears when she turned back to him, but she just wore a soft, sad smile. They both knew what he was about to say. 

“V…”

“I know. We gotta see Hanako, ‘fore it’s too late.” She squeezed his hands tightly in hers. “‘S okay, I’m ready now.” 

Their whole day, week, hell the last two months had been building to this, but it didn’t make it any easier. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and keep her there, safe from Hanako, Arasaka, anything outside their little bubble. But realistically they both knew it might be their last chance, they should at least hear what she had to say.

“We’ve got time. C’mere, get some more sleep. If you’re strong enough tonight, we’ll go.” 

She nodded, shuffling across the bed to him, pulling him down to lay with her. He lay on his back, pulling her on top so he could wrap her in his arms, allowing themselves to enjoy the other's warmth as the daylight began to fade from the room.

***

Day faded into dusk, the last, warm shreds of sunlight trickling in through the blinds of their apartment. His head was propped up against the pillows, gazing down at the face of the woman who had utterly bewitched his soul with a sense of equalling reverence and awe he didn’t know he possessed. The waning beams of light danced across their bed, illuminating her in a radiant warmth that flowed through their shared connection. He didn’t deserve this. He knew it deep down, the only thing that was supposed to be waiting for him after death was judgment, buried deep in the recesses of the earth. He’d fucked up enough in his 34 years for several lifetimes of damnation. Yet here he was, given this time to put it right, to lie here basking in the glow of the woman he loved. He knew it was probably all about to come crashing down around him, but as he looked down at her face, moving with the rise and fall of his bare chest where she had made her bed, he knew that if there was someone anything up there watching over him, they were kinder than he could ever have hoped to deserve. 

He ran his flesh hand softly through her hair, his other nestled around her waist, a spot so familiar it felt like home, and watched her. Etching her in this moment, more peaceful than he had ever seen her, into his memory to keep it safe as long as he could. If any moment could be chosen to stay frozen in time, it was this one. He knew as long as he was still human enough, he would never stop feeling that fluttering in his heart, like her eyelashes against his skin, every time he saw her face. 

He loathed to disturb her, wanted to let lie in her slow serenity for as long as he could, but he knew better than anyone that all good things had to end. Still, they had time. His hand traveled from the lengths of her hair to her face, slowly tracing over her soft, tired features. It stopped at her jaw, cupping the side of her face ever so gently, tilting it upwards to allow him easier access to her forehead. Lips pressed against her warm skin in a delicate kiss, letting them rest there for a moment. 

“Love, ‘S time to get up.” He murmured against her skin, causing her to stir. Her eyes scrunched tightly shut, still fighting off the remnants of sleep, before fluttering open to meet his own. The raw love he saw reflected back at him brought his breath to a standstill. He released a shuddering breath, rubbing the calloused pad of his thumb across her lip as her expression morphed into a soft smile, so warm he could have melted. 

“Time already?” She asked in a rough, sleep-addled voice.

He nodded reluctantly, wishing he had any other answer, something else to offer her but the abrasive upheaval of the outside world, and all their looming troubles that always found a way of squirming themselves into every waking moment. 

She stretched slowly, arching her back like a cat in the sun, hands holding onto his shoulders like anchors. As soon as she had lifted her head, however, she promptly let it loll back down to meet his chest, ear pressed against his heart. He felt exposed, wondering if she could hear a facsimile of a heartbeat, the way it pounded against his ribs so hard, like it was trying to free itself in order to get just that bit closer to her. Maybe she didn’t, he was only code after all. Regardless, she looked happy there, and he was so close to telling her to go back to sleep, the rest of the world be damned. But they didn’t have the time. There never seemed to be enough damn time. 

He let his fingers fall to her head once more, gently scratching at her scalp, hoping the light stimulation would help her stay awake. 

“‘S not true, y’know.” He heard her voice mumble into his chest.

“What’s not true?”

“You.” She jabbed his chest beside her head gently with her finger. “Thinkin’ y’ don’t deserve this. ‘S not true.”

Fuck. She always knew the exact words that sent that sharp stabbing pain directly to his heart. His beating one, anyway. Or was it hers? He didn’t know, but he did know that his heart didn’t live inside his coding. It was sprawled across his chest, looking up at him like he hung the fuckin’ moon. 

They couldn’t stay here, he knew that too. Hanako was waiting for them, and this could be their only chance at keeping V alive. But they both knew after this, everything would probably change. For the better or worse, they couldn’t say. But they could guess. 

He couldn’t help but feel like everyone had done Orpheus pretty damn dirty. Because if he had to drag her out from the clutches of the underworld, unable to check if she was following his lead or gone from sight… well. You never know til you’re there, but deep down he knew he would never be able to resist just taking once more glance behind him, making sure she wouldn’t leave him alone, with no hope of redemption. 

Johnny Silverhand was not a religious man, but in this moment he knew he would spend every second of his time left repenting for every damn sin he ever committed if he knew it would keep her safe in his arms like this. The warmth he felt rushing through him was all he needed to know that she felt the same. The last shafts of sunlight had gone, leaving the room to bask in the orange haze of fading light. It was now or never. 

The pair began to rise, shifting sluggishly on the bed. Johnny was the first to stand, holding out his hand to pull her up, which she gladly accepted, food and rest having helped her summon the strength she had left. Before she could let go, he raised it to his face, pressing the back of her hand to his lips. 

“This isn’t it. Right?” She asked, soft smile since turned into a look of fearful apprehension, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth in a familiar habit he knew grounded her. 

“Not on my life, V.” He lowered their hands, which fell to rest between the two, still joined. “We’re gonna go in, listen to what the porcelain cunts gotta say, then we delta.” 

They both knew he couldn’t guarantee that. Neither of them could. But in that moment they both let themselves believe that maybe it would work for them. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, he could trust that she was there behind him, following his lead. But she gave him that damned sad smile again, and he knew he could never. Whatever it cost, he would never leave her alone in the dark. His life for hers. That was the plan. 

She squeezed his hand in hers, in what he hoped was agreement. He could look if he wanted. Poke around in that head til he found exactly what she was thinking, planning. But he promised to her, and he wasn’t about to break another promise to her. He had to trust her. Trust that she would be there, following him as he guided them towards something better. And he had to trust that he would know the way, because right now he didn’t have a fuckin’ clue. 

Moving away, she walked over to the bathroom with her clothes thrown over her arm. He huffed, materialising his clothes back onto his body. It was probably best to change in separate rooms, or they would definitely not make it to Embers on time. 

V reentered the room, fully dressed from head to toe. She looked like a woman ready to take on the world single-handedly with her pistol in one hand and Maxdoc in the other, though he could feel the weariness clinging onto her bones that grew heavier with every step. She nodded to him, coming to pick up his Malorian from the table and strap it into the holster under her jacket.

“We ready to go?” 

He allowed himself to return to familiar terrain, giving her a classic Johnny smirk, though she could see through it with no difficulty. “Ready when you are, V.”

He could feel her apprehension, her fear, but also acceptance, and a determination that was just so purely V. Her lips twisted up to mirror his, hands resting on her cocked hips, a woman ready for a fight. 

“C’mon then, Rockerboy.” 

And he followed her out of the apartment, praying that when the time came, he could guide them safely out of the underworld and bring her home. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, apologies for any pain inflicted!


	15. The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The World lies at the end of The Fool's long and winding journey. Wiser and more world-weary than he started out, the Fool faces a moment of reckoning. Some of us accept where our journey has led us to, while others embark on a new challenge. One thing in this World is certain – you can't have it all."

Johnny’s hand was firm on the small of her back as the elevator rose, agonisingly slowly, to the top floor. She watched the numbers ticking by, each one bringing with it a growing sense of dread. There was a good chance this was a mistake, they both knew it, but they were desperate. Each for a different reason, though they wouldn’t acknowledge it. She knew all he wanted was to make sure she got out of this alive, he’d said as much. His life for hers. 

There was a time when that was what she wanted too. But now, feeling the comfort of his warm presence beside her as they entered the lion's den together, she knew any solution that meant losing him was one she would no longer take. If that meant she had to make a call he didn’t like, so be it. It was still her body, and ultimately her decision to make. 

The elevator pinged as they reached the top floor, both sharing one last look of trepidation before they stepped into the room. The floor was empty, save for some muscle, and Hanako herself. 

“She emptied the place?” Johnny’s breath was hot in her ear. “Shit. Can still turn back you know.” 

She gave a small shake of her head, beginning the long walk across to Hanako. 

“‘S ok Johnny, in and out, just like we said.”

The melody floating across the room was haunting, feeling more like a dirge. The walk felt like an eternity, as if the room kept stretching further each step she took, the end just out of reach. She felt her energy waning as they walked, but Johnny’s reaffirming touch pushed her on, side by side into the jaws of death. 

Hanako did not stop for them once they approached, opting to finish her tune before acknowledging their presence. V wouldn’t normally be intimidated by such a transparent power move, but she wasn’t normally on the brink of dying. 

“You have come.” She said, finally deigning to slide around to face them, casual smile offset by her cold eyes, looking down at them from her pedestal. She had them by the throat and she knew it. Shame she didn’t know Johnny was into that. 

“We’re here.” V stood, hand on cocked hip, hoping to exude the confidence she was severely lacking. “Let's get to it.”

“We?” Hanako’s eyebrow twitched, amused. 

Shit. She’d got so used to the concept of  _ we _ , but admitting that to Hanako felt like exposing themselves. Exposing Johnny. 

“Yep, you and me.” She stared Hanako down, almost daring her to call her out on it. 

She didn’t. She just gave a small, knowing nod and stood, meandering down the steps from the piano without a care in the world. Everything here was a setup. A play, put on just for them, to intimidate them into cooperation. And it was effective. V’s nerves were on edge, and she had the constant urge to look to the elevator, to make sure their path was clear to escape. But she wouldn’t give her the satisfaction, 

“Come, sit.”

Hanako approached the bar, carefully perching on a stool and gesturing for V to do the same. She followed, Johnny close behind as she lifted herself onto the barstool, cursing as she nearly fell off. Any sign of weakness was something they couldn’t afford to show here, nothing to alert the predator that its prey’s stamina was dwindling.

“Before we begin, I wish to explain to you why I have changed my mind.”

“What, suddenly believe my story about Konpeki plaza? I pull on your heartstrings that much?” 

She gave her that condescending smile once more and V wanted nothing more than to reach across and tear it off. 

“Not quite. I knew from the start that my brother was behind our father’s death. But-“

“You  _ knew _ ?” 

Rage boiled inside as she forced the words through gritted teeth. She’d nearly died, Goro had nearly died, all to try to convince her of something she already  _ knew _ ? Johnny was right about one thing,  _ porcelain cunt  _ indeed. 

“All board members knew, but nobody was willing to raise a hand against Yorinobu. I would not do so myself, but my brother has proven that he is not capable of running the company. Arasaka needs a firm hand to guide it, but that will not be his.” 

“Well, I’m not here to get pulled into your fuckin’ family feud again. You got information for me? Go right ahead.” 

“I can lead you to Mikoshi.”

That word never failed to chill her right to the bone, but from her lips, it was a Kraken, wrapping its tendrils round her heart and dragging it down, struggling to save itself from drowning in the cold depths. 

Johnny’s hand came to grip her shoulder from behind, a firm hold through which she felt his growing panic at the whole situation.

“We should leave, V. Right now.”

He was right. They were being ensnared and they knew it. But Hanako could let slip some vital information about Mikoshi, something they’d missed. They had to hear her out. 

“I want my brother punished. The whole Arasaka corporation must know the truth. You will come with me, testify against my brother, and I will take you to Mikoshi, help rid you of the construct.”

Her fists clenched at the word. That was all Johnny ever was to them, a construct. An idea they could manipulate and abuse for their own purposes. Never a person in his own right. If it weren’t for the firm grip on her shoulder, she knew she might have snapped. 

“Sounds like you wanna use me. Got no guarantee you won’t have me taken out back and shot one I’ve helped you.” 

Her smile had lost its patronising edge. Instead, it was as cold and predatory as her eyes. 

“If I wanted you dead, you would be. You keep your word, I keep mine. It does not look like you have many alternatives, your time is running out.” 

Hanako gestured to V’s face just as she felt a warm drip on her hand. She looked down at the drop of blood marring her pale skin and realised the time for talking was over. They had to get out of there and fast. 

V staggered, climbing off the barstool, vision blurring as she stumbled towards the elevator, ignoring Hanako’s voice calling after her. She didn’t care, all she wanted to do was get back in one piece, but the pounding in her skull and hazy vision told her that wasn’t likely. 

Johnny followed her close behind, his hand on her again, helping guide her towards the elevator as swift as possible. Her hand pounded the call button, hitting it frantically as if that would hasten its ascent. She was flooded with relief at the ping, the doors sliding open as she fell inside. She felt Johnny manage to catch her just before she hit the floor, the telltale tremors of a Relic attack overtaking her. Johnny’s voice called to her, but it was no use as the world faded away. 

***

Johnny knew the routine off by heart now. Roll her onto her side, hand under her head, reassure her; she’s okay, he’s there, and she’s safe. Keep it up until she’s finished seizing, and wait for her to come back to him, keeping up the reassuring touches so she knows she’s not alone. They’ve even through this more times than he could count now, but each time terrified him more than the last, wondering if she’d ever open her eyes again. 

Much to his relief, she managed to pry her eyes open once more. But it was different. Bleary, trying to lift herself off the elevator floor, her dazed eyes met his own, but there was something wrong. He helped her sit up, her back against the elevator wall, letting his hand remain cradling the back of her head. She squinted at him, looking for something she didn’t seem to find.

“Wh…who’re you? Where ‘m I…?”

He’d rather still be stuck in Mikoshi than hear those words from the lips that had whispered his name so lovingly mere hours ago. He knew they might reach this point, the fear had grown within them both at every new memory lost, each one closer to the present than the last. But to forget him…

In the end, it didn’t matter if she remembered or not. He was here to make sure she got out of this alive. To make sure that life couldn’t take away the last thing he loved in this world more than anything. She didn’t need to remember him, just to trust him. 

He gave her a warm, sorrowful smile, hand on her head pulling her to him so he could speak into her ear in a low whisper.

“Your guardian angel, V.” 

He could hear her voice in his ear mumble something incoherent but it soon stopped as her head lolled against his shoulder. Pulling away to hold her at arm's length, he checked her over, but she was still breathing. Exhaustion had taken over and she was out like a light, but she was still there, still with him. For now at least. 

He needed to get her to Vik’s, and fast. He shifted his arms under her, one under her knees and the other round her back, lifting to hoist her up, but it didn’t work. His arms went through her and she slumped to the ground. Growing panicked, he tried again. And again. Arms securely holding her, raising them, and going through her once more. Letting out a yell of frustration, he sent his fist flying into the elevator wall, even more infuriated when it glitched straight through. 

He looked down at her limp, frail body and knew what he had to do, though he hated to do it. It was one thing taking over with consent, but while she was unconscious felt like a violation too far. But what choice was there? He either took over or sat her with her and watched her die, and there was no fucking way it would be the latter. 

He took a moment to crouch beside her, gently tucking some stray hair behind her ear, taking in her resting face for a moment, like it could be the last time he would ever do so. And then he shifted into her, feeling her conscious brush against his own and shift to the backseat willingly as he took control. 

“I got you, V.” 

He said to no one, but hoped somewhere in there she was present enough to hear him, and knew that no matter what he would keep her safe. His life for hers. 

***

Misty watched, wide eyed as he staggered into her shop. He knew V looked like death walking, and for all intents and purposes she currently was. He stumbled towards the counter, gripping onto it for his life as he panted, trying to catch his breath. 

“...Johnny?”

Misty reached a hand out towards him but froze halfway, her hand hanging in midair. She didn’t seem to know how to interact with him, but she’d known it was him immediately. Chick definitely had some kinda sixth sense. 

“Vik…” He gasped, pain evident as he spoke. “Need Vik.”

Misty hurried around the counter, grabbing his arm and hoisting it around her shoulder without hesitation. He was grateful V had someone like Misty in her life, god knows there had been a hundred times where he’d needed his own Misty, and he was glad to have her now. 

They descended the stairs to Vik’s slower than he would have liked, and he kept trying to pull her along faster, but Misty kept a tight grip around him, and rightly so. V’s body couldn’t take it, barely able to stand on its own anymore. As the doors to Vik’s slid open, Johnny caught sight of the man standing over his operating chair, obviously with a client. Confusion drew over his face as she saw Misty, which quickly turned to concern when he saw V staggering beside her. He began to speak, but it was too late. Using the last of his strength, Johnny pushed away from Misty and stumbled over to the chair, shoving the client off despite protests from Vik. 

“She’s dyin’...better fuckin’ fix her…” 

Was all he could get before he pitched forward into the chair, Vik having to help him into it as his vision began to blur. He let the world fade out, didn’t care about anything else. He’d got her there in one piece, and she was safe. 

***

All she knew when she woke up was that she was in pain. That was nothing new. But these days she’d got used to waking up from a relic attack in Johnny’s arms, yet she could feel plush leather under her. No Johnny telling her she was okay, just small mechanical noises in the distance. She tried to open her eyes but immediately shut them again, bringing her hand to shield her from the blaring light of the room. 

“Fuck…” She groaned, wishing sleep would take her again, but it didn’t.

“Hey there kid, welcome back to the land of the living.”

She knew that voice. It took her a moment to recognise it as Vik’s, but she was relieved to realise where she was. As relieved as she could be anyway, without knowing where Johnny was.

“‘S Johnny here?” She mumbled, voice muffled by the arm over her face.

“Brought you in, shoved my damn client off the chair and demanded I take care of you first. Good job he did, nearly flatlined by the time you’d arrived.”

That was definitely Johnny. He’d managed to get her all the way from Embers to Vik’s in that state? But where was he now? 

She pried open her eyes again, this time squinting against the light, but letting them stay uncovered as she adjusted. Once able to peer around as much as she could without moving, she took in the room. It was empty, bar herself and Vik. Where was he? 

She felt panic beginning to build as her eyes darted across the room. Had he left her? Was it too much for him to watch, that he was going to leave her alone, now of all times?

“Johnny?” She called out into the room.

Vik turned to her, a confused expression on his face. 

“You know you’re talkin’ out loud, V?”

She ignored him, trying again, this time more frantic.

“Johnny!”

There was a blue glitch beside the chair, and Johnny’s weary eyes met her own, relief washing over her at the sight of him. She reached out a hand towards him, making a child-like grabbing motion until he got the message, taking her hand in his and holding it tight. 

“‘M here, not goin’ anywhere.” 

She nodded, letting herself relax as his thumb moved in slow circles over her hand. She could deal with the fact that she was dying, but she wasn’t about to do it without him. 

Vik watched the scene unfold from beside the chair, seemingly displeased, but he said nothing, just let them have a moment before he cleared his throat, reminding them he was still there. They both turned to look at him, V almost apologetically. Vik sighed, rubbing his hands over his face and fixing her with a wearied expression.

“You’ve come to a critical juncture, kiddo. Ain't gonna last much longer. Honestly surprised you’re still here with us.”

“Lo and behold, the prodigal daughter rises once more.”

“This is fucking serious V, can you just-” Vik took a moment to breathe, composing himself before he could continue. “This is your last chance to take matters into your own hands. You wait any longer and you’re dead either way. Now,” Vik moved away from the chair towards a metal table near the door, “this little set up over here, you got some options. You got one last dose of pseudoendotrizine from Misty, you wanna give control to Johnny quickly and quietly? That’s your choice. Or you got blockers from me. And…” He paused, glancing down to the contents of the table which she couldn’t see. “Well, you’ve got your options on there. Rest is up to you kid.”

With that, Vik nodded and left them, returning to his usual seat. She could see from the way he looked at her, the way he turned away, that he was upset. She couldn’t blame him, he’d been trying to pick up her pieces for over a month, and here she was, nearly dead in his clinic again. She turned to Johnny, whose eyes were glued to the metal table, and tugged on his hand to draw his attention back. He turned back to her, apologetic look on his face as he helped her stand from the chair, arm around her to steady her. They made their way over to the table together. A slow process, but successful. 

Waiting for her were the blockers from Vik, pills from Misty, and a gun. Well, he wasn’t fucking around. Definitely giving her options, though she hardly liked the look of any. Still, she shoved the pills in her pockets and held the gun loosely in her hand, examining it for longer than was strictly necessary. It was nothing fancy, but it would get the job done if needed. Messy but efficient.

As they left, she stopped by Vik, tapping him on the shoulder. He turned with a pained expression on his face, and she could feel the guilt as it coiled inside her, knowing she was the cause. 

“Just… wanted to say thanks, Vik. For everything.” 

His hand hovered in the air as he reached for her, unsure of where to go, deciding to pat her on the arm. A more distant action than some might have taken, but she knew that was his way of showing his affection, making sure she knew he was there for her. 

“No worries kid, just...sort this thing out.” 

With that, he gave her a strained smile and turned back to his boxing match. She and Johnny turned to leave, but she spotted Misty there, waiting for them on the steps.

“Hey V. Nice to see you.”

She gave Misty a weak smile as they made their way over to her, pace still slow as Johnny bore the brunt of her weight. 

“Hey Misty, sorry if we scared you back there.”

Misty shook her head. “You guys probably want somewhere to talk things over. I’ve got a good spot for you, not far. Think you can make it?”

“We’ll give it a go, thanks, Misty.”

“Come on then.” 

Misty gestured for them to follow her, and they obliged, leaving Vik’s clinic and making their way up the stairs, towards the elevator. V was out of breath by the time Misty sent them up, leaning heavily on Johnny, whose grip around her was firm. The elevator pinged, and they followed Misty out onto the roof, overlooking a breathtaking view of Night City. 

Misty sat in one of two plastic chairs, gesturing for V to do the same. Exhausted, she gladly accepted, Johnny dragging her the last few steps as her energy waned and she all but collapsed into the chair. They sat there for a few minutes in silence, the three of them looking out over the city. It might be a cesspit, but sometimes, high up like this, it was damn beautiful too. 

“It’s a good place for making big decisions, this roof. It's where Jackie made his.”

“What was it?”

Misty’s smile was sad but fond as she spoke, giving it her best Jackie impression. 

“‘Chica, I’m gonna be a legend in this city!” 

That made V smile too, because damn, that was just Jackie to a T, wasn’t it? So determined to make sure Night City remembered his name. Maybe once upon a time that’s what she’d wanted too, but now…

“I’ll leave you two alone now.” 

Misty drew her out of her thoughts, waving to them as she left them alone with just the noses of the city below. Johnny sat on the ledge opposite, staring out over the neon lights of the shit hole they had come to call home. 

Maybe she’d thought they could put this conversation off forever if she tried hard enough. Distract themselves with jobs, with friends, each other, and maybe they’d never have to reach this point. But they both knew this was coming. One last decision to make together. 

Johnny was the first to break the silence.

“Fuckin’ scared me so much, you know that? Thought you were on your way out. Didn’t even remember me when you woke up.”

The pain in his voice made her desperate to reach over to him, to comfort him, but she held back. They were never going to get this conversation done if they started that now. 

“Well, still here. F-“

“For now.” He finished for her. 

She nodded, nothing more to add. She was on borrowed time and they both knew it.

“To think, all this started in a fuckin’ landfill.”

There was a hint of a smirk on his face, which brought a matching one to hers. They’d been so caught up in her dying, she’d missed this. Their constant back and forth. 

“Yep, then you tried to kill me.”

“And now look. Two of us here together, and I’m tryna save your sorry ass.” 

She laughed, properly laughed, for the first time in a while, and Johnny followed suit. God, it felt good. After the constant life or death struggle, just to have this moment together, here, at the end of everything. 

As their laughter faded into the cool night air, they knew they were done beating around the bush. They had to decide what they were gonna do, and they had to decide now. 

“V, I-“

“Rogue.”

He stared at her, confused by the sudden interjection.

“Rogue?”

“Yep. We’re doin’ this with Rogue. She’s got the contacts, she’s done this before, and I trust her to be able to hold her own in there.”

Johnny seemed surprised, but he didn’t object, just took it in for a moment. He probably hadn’t expected her to have a decision so soon, but she’d been mulling this over for a while now, and she knew it was the best course of action. 

“So, if you take on if Misty’s pills-“

“Nope.”

That one stopped him in his tracks.

“What d’ya mean ‘nope’? Don’t know if you’ve noticed, V, but you’re hardly in any shape to take on Arasaka, can barely take on a flight of stairs.”

“True, ‘s why I’m gonna call Rogue, and then I’m gonna go down to Vik and pump myself so damn full of the good shit that Maelstrom wouldn’t fuck with it.” 

He shook his head, standing up, obviously ready to make one of his big speeches. 

“Listen, V. You take one of Misty’s pills,  _ I  _ go in, and-“

“ _ Johnny.”  _

He stopped mid pace, turning to look at her. The determined look on her face made him shut his mouth, thankfully for once in his life knowing that it wasn’t his turn to speak. 

“I get it, I do. You’re worried ‘bout me, wanna make sure we get to Mikoshi in one piece. But the fact is we might not, don’t matter who's behind the wheel. And if I’m gonna die tonight, I wanna ...wanna be there, y’know? Wanna be present.” She paused, unsure whether to continue. “When I take Misty’s pills, you know what it’s like? It’s like dyin’. Every time. It's that black void, same one I saw when Dex put this bullet in my head. Every time I go back in there, I ain’t sure whether I’m dead or just sleepin’, and it scares the shit out of me.”

“Every time you…” Johnny runs his hands over his face, frustrated. “Never told me, V. Would’a never let you take ‘em if I’d known.”

She shook her head. “My choice, Johnny. An’ it was worth it every time. Glad I could help you sort your shit out. But this time, I wanna be there. Just want you to understand.”

He walked over, crouching in front of her chair with a hand on her knee. The pain in his eyes was unmistakable, but so was the trust.

“Your call Darlin’, whatever you wanna do.” 

She gave him a soft smile, taking his hand in hers and gripping it like it was the last thing connecting her to this world. 

“Wanna do this with you. One last time, want you with me every step of the way.” 

He returned her smile, sad though it was, and gripped back just as tight. 

“Every step, V. Til the end.” 

She leaned down to him, bringing her face to meet his, and he responded in turn, his hand coming to cradle her cheek and bringing her lips to his. It lacked the heat they so often had, feeling less like an act of desire and more like a love letter, every tender feeling they could never describe adequately moving between their lips like honey, so sweet she could taste it. They moved slowly against each other, neither wanting to pull away, to let the moment last forever, delay the inevitable. But once again, V was the stronger one, reluctantly drawing her lips from his, though he managed to grab her lips for one last sweet kiss before she could move away. 

Gripping his hand in hers once more, she knew they were ready. Ready for whatever waited for them in the tower, in Mikoshi, even beyond. They would take on everything that came for them, side by side, together til the very end. 

V stood, managing to do it on her own despite offered assistance. She stood tall, hand on her hip, throwing him a grin that told him she was ready as she would ever be.

“C’mon Rockerboy. We’ve got a city to burn.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted V and Rogue to be an option at the end so bad, so I've once again taken canon from CDPR. They can't be trusted with it.


	16. Strength, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Strength is the card of resilience. It is associated with determination, bravery and internal struggle. One must have dedication in order to overcome obstacles and reach one's goal. Strength is about physical prowess and spiritual fortitude – the power that must be unleashed to achieve the impossible.”
> 
> This bad boy was about to be 10,000 words long, and I ain't about to make anyone go through that in one sitting. Also, if I have to edit that tonight I will die. So please enjoy part one!

The good shit  _ really _ meant the good shit, and Vik had the  _ best _ shit. 

V was feeling so pumped up, she would’ve run to that tower and waltzed through the front door guns blazing if Johnny hadn’t pulled her back and reminded her she wasn’t fucking insane. 

It was only temporary, the drugs would wear off in a few hours, but Vik had helped her pack her bag full of enough to hopefully get her as far as she needed to, though he had been reluctant at best.

“Arasaka Tower? Gun woulda been quicker, V.”

She shook her head with a fond smile, patting him on the chest. She loved Vik. He’d been like a dad to her since Jackie introduced them, and he’d looked out for her since day one. She knew his indignation was just concern for her, but she was too hopped up to give him the whole ‘I’ll be careful’ spiel. Because they both knew she wouldn’t be. 

“Nah, we got this Vik.” She looked to the door, where Johnny was tapping his foot like the impatient bastard he was. “Gotta delta, Rogue’s pickin’ us up soon.”

She all but ran off towards the door with the energy of a hyperactive child, remembering to throw a “see ya in the next life, Vik!” over her shoulder as she went. 

She could hear his distinctly confused voice shouting “ _ Rogue?! _ ” after her as she took the stairs two at a time. She hadn’t been taking these drugs the past two weeks? Hell, the last month? Her whole life? A mistake, because she felt fucking great. 

She bounded into Misty’s studio, wrapping the startled woman in a tight hug when she caught sight of her. 

“V! You seem...alive?”

“I’ve never been more alive Misty! You gotta try these, get Vik to give you some!” 

V was bouncing on the balls of her feet, pretending to box with the air in front of her as Misty watched on with consternation. But V didn’t care, she was ready to go take on Adam Smasher in a fistfight round the back of Arasaka Tower and she knew she’d win.

“Easy kid.” 

Johnny’s hands were firmly on her shoulders, pressing her down so her feet lay firmly against the floor, no longer bouncing on the spot. She turned her head to him, a big pout on her lips, puppy dog eyes engaged mercilessly. 

“Do you wanna make me sad Johnny? Is that what you want? To make me cry?”

Johnny sighed with the exasperation one had when babysitting a particularly difficult toddler.

“No, V. ‘Course I don’t. Just want you to chill the fuck out a bit before Rogue gets here and calls the whole thing off.”

She was still pouting, but her small, single sensible brain cell told her that he was right, and at any rate, she didn’t need to wear her body out before they even got to the Afterlife. 

“Uhh...hey Johnny.”

V spun back around to Misty, who was giving a hesitant wave to the space behind V.

“Hey Misty.”

“He says hey.” V relayed.

Misty smiled, warily, and gestured for V to take a seat on the other side of the counter, which she accepted graciously. That meant hopping onto the stool with so much force that she fell off the other side. She could hear Johnny snort behind her as she clambered back on, throwing a middle finger in his direction before settling into the seat, elbows on the counter propping her head up as she grinned at Misty.

“Mind if I give you a reading before you go, V? For luck?”

“I’d love one!” 

V was bouncing in her seat again, and Johnny had no inclination to stop her this time, probably trying to let her wear herself out a bit more before Rogue arrived.

Misty took out her deck and began to shuffle the cards.

“You know,” Misty began “some believe that uncertainty is an evil that should be dispelled through divination. Others claim its change that's evil, but that isn’t true either. Every minute of every day we each become someone new. We shouldn’t fear change itself, but only who we might change into. Knowing one's path is most important.” Misty paused, a sad smile briefly crossing her features. “But I don’t think you have to worry about that anymore, do you V?”

V watched Misty speak as if in a trance, soaking in every word. She didn’t believe in clairvoyants who took money off desperate people in exchange for fallacies, but if she believed in one thing, she believed in Misty. 

Misty continued. “I devised this layout specifically for you and Johnny. Your future is his future, and vice versa. Souls intertwined irreversibly.”

That brought a smile to her lips, glancing back at Johnny who was watching the scene unfold with poorly disguised curiosity, though he met her smile with a small one of his own.

“Okay, let's see what the cards have got for us!”

V was still eager, excited, but Misty’s soothing voice had managed to slightly mellow out her high, which had probably been her intention. 

Misty placed the first card down on the table.

“We’ll start with you, V.” She looked down to see the card. “The Fool.”

“Rude.” Muttered V, though she stared at the card intensely, waiting for it to reveal its secrets.

Misty gave a small laugh. “Nothing personal, V. The fool symbolises the start of a new journey, the announcement of something new. It’s the inner child - curious of the world, but also naive and reckless.”

“Dunno Misty, feels kinda personal…”

She smiled again but ignored her, placing down the next card, Johnny’s card.

“The Magician. A person of great talent and charisma, a leader.”

“Don’t think he needs the ego boost.”

“Shut your trap and let the girl finish, V.”

She threw a glare over to Johnny, who gave her a wry smirk but gestured for her to turn back around, which she obliged.

“The card is reversed. That can mean a tendency towards addiction...mental instability.”

Yep, definitely sounded like the old Johnny. 

“Now,” Misty’s state grew in intensity as she locked eyes with V, “the final cards are about your futures.” 

She pulled the first card, placing it face up on the table. V’s breath hitched as she saw the name.

“The Lovers.” Misty said, knowing smile on her face as she seemed to glance between V, and where V knew Johnny was stood. “Balance, friendship, love…” 

V felt a warmth curling inside her at Misty’s words, and knew it wasn’t just her own feelings she was experiencing. 

“It’s also a card of dilemmas.” Well, that was misleading. “You’re at a crossroads, V. Got an important decision coming.”

The smile fell slightly from her face, replaced with that knowing sadness that V hated. But the card was right, there was an important decision coming. She just hoped when the time came, she would be able to make it. 

“And Johnny’s.” Misty pulled the last card, placing it down. V could feel Johnny closer now, peering over her shoulder to see. “Temperance. The card of balance, and maturity. It means being able to find a state of equilibrium, of peace.” 

Well, that sounded positive considering they were about to charge headfirst through the gates of hell. She felt Johnny’s hand slip into hers and hold it tightly, though when she turned to look he didn’t meet her gaze, his eyes focused on the cards in front of them.

A car horn blared outside. At that time of night, definitely Rogue. 

“Thanks, Misty.” V rose out of her stool, giving Johnny’s hand one last squeeze before releasing it to move and draw Misty into a bear hug. “For everythin’.”

“Don’t gotta thank me, Honey. Least I could do.” 

Her voice was muffled in V’s shoulder, but it was laced heavily with worry, and V shared the same concern. But it was now or never, no time for doubt anymore. She released Misty, throwing her one last wave just before she left the shop, Johnny close by her side as they slid into Rogue’s car, ready for a damn fight.

***

The journey to the Afterlife was quiet, none of the passengers willing to break the silence that had settled over the car. V was still physically vibrating in her seat with energy, but her talk with Misty had calmed her somewhat from the hyperactive buzz from before. Rogue had only glanced at her when she’d climbed in, studying her up and down before turning back to the road, setting off before V had a chance to fasten her seatbelt. 

V still had a million thoughts buzzing around her head, wanting to blurt them all out in quick succession. What was the plan? Why did Rogue agree to help? Were they going alone? How much did it cost to run a place like Afterlife? Why were the dancers in tanks? Could she get in a tank? Did Rogue know about Mikoshi? Did she think V was hot? What happened to the Atlantis crew? Were they gonna contact Alt? Would she ever consider sleeping with V? Where did she get that jacket? 

She could feel Johnny’s will being slowly drained away as the thoughts piled up, mounting on top of each other in her frantic, drug addled nightmare of a brain. She could feel his mind reaching out to hers, trying to calm her, but it had little effect. If they hadn’t pulled up outside Afterlife at that moment, she would have probably asked Rogue if she’d ever had a threesome with Johnny and Alt, and V really didn’t need to die before they reached the tower.

V followed Rogue hot on her heels as they walked down the stairs, noticing the little strut she put on, and how damn similar it was to Johnny’s. Who started it? Probably Rogue. Would she look as good doing it? From the sound of Johnny’s laughter behind her as she tried to imitate it, the answer was probably no. But it was fun, so she carried on until she received a sideways glance from Rogue that told her the ice was thin and Rogue had a baseball bat. 

Rogue stopped once she reached the middle of the room, leaning against the bar as she projected her voice so loud V wondered if there was a tannoy system built into the place.

“Everyone listen up! We’re closed, so take your shit and leave!”

A voice from the back yelled. “What gives? We ain’t finished yet!”

“Oh yes you is!” Piped Claire’s voice from behind the bar. Damn, she loved Claire. She wondered if Claire would sleep with her if Rogue blew her off…

Nope, not the time. But, maybe…?  _ No. Focus V.  _

Damn Johnny, a mood killer even in her own brain.  _ Sorry mom _ she thought back at him, rolling her eyes. 

Customers slowly filed out, all grumbling, disgruntled, but none daring to look Rogue in the eye as they passed, knowing it was likely a death sentence if not a ban from the bar. Rogue turned round to face Claire.

“You too. Shifts done, an’ you’re heading home to kick your feet up.”

Claire ducked under the counter and saluted Rogue with a “yes ma’am” as she raced off to join the others as they filtered out into the night. 

Once the place was cleared out, just the three of them left, Rogue hopped up onto the bar, gesturing for V to follow suit. She managed, thankfully not going flying this time. That would’ve been embarrassing in front of Rogue, definitely wouldn’t wanna sleep with her after that.

“V, she ain’t gonna fuck you. Can you focus for five god damn minutes?”

She’d never anticipated a scenario where Johnny would be the sensible one out of the two of them, but she’d also never been so hopped up on drugs before, so there was a first time for everything. Including…

“V, swear to  _ fuckin’  _ god.” 

“Fine damn!”

From the look on Rogue’s face, that had definitely been aloud. Fuck. Maybe there was such a thing as too many drugs.

“Coulda told you that.” He snarked.

V flipped him the bird as she gave Rogue what she hoped was an innocent, disarming smile. It was a good job Rogue knew the situation, because she must have looked fucking insane. She possibly was. 

“Right.” Rogue started, looking for all the world like a woman at the brink. “You two need to get into that data fort, Mikoshi. Means raidin’ Arasaka Tower,  _ again _ . Know what they say about people who do the same thing over and over again, so I must be a real fuckin’ idiot…” she stopped, taking a breath to calm herself before continuing. “Here, jack in that shard so you can both see what we’re dealing with.” 

Rogue took a shard out of her pocket and handed it over to V, who slid it in, only missing twice. She was thankful she could see the shard’s display now rather than Rogue’s exasperated expression. 

“We gotta reach the lab floor, hold it just long enough to do what we gotta do, then delta out of there. Arasaka Tower’s the most secure building in Night City, as I’m sure you’ve seen, can’t just waltz in through the front door.”

_ Shouldn’t.  _ She means  _ shouldn’t _ waltz through the front door. Probably shouldn’t correct her though. 

“We gotta make our own way in, flying in on a Militech Strix tactical bomber.”

V didn’t have a clue what those words meant together, but from Johnny’s whistle, she assumed that must be impressive. 

“First, we rain fire on the building’s air defences, then we breach the wall on the seventy-sixth floor, jump from the AV, and we’re in.”

“Sorry,” V interjected, “we jump from the AV? Is the plan to get to Mikoshi as a splatter on the floor?” 

Johnny’s elbow to her ribs made her yelp but effectively shut her up. Which was a good job if the tension in Rogue’s voice was anything to go by.

“ _ We  _ will have anti-grav boots. So no, no splatter, so long as you don’t ask me any more stupid questions.”

That was fair.

“So, we land smack bang in the middle of a tropical rainforest.”

Another nudge to the ribs from Johnny before she could even voice her question that time. She relented, pushing down all questions concerning why the fuck there was a tropical rainforest for the time being.

“Right, sure. Tropical rainforest. What next?”

“We cut our way through the jungle to a shaft located on the tower’s vertical axis.” Rogue continued. “Shaft runs the height of the building. We use anti-gravs again to reach the bottom floor. We’ll be takin’ them by surprise, so security will be in disarray. Resistance should be minimal. We hit the lab floor running, reach the access point. Rest is up to you.” Rogue spun on the counter, sliding off behind the bar. “Any questions?”

“Actually Rogue, seeing as we might die an’ all, figured I’d ask if you-“

She was stopped by Johnny's hand clamped over her mouth, which wasn’t released despite muffled protests and licking his palm. He glared at her like he was wrangling a petulant child, but didn’t move his hand til he was sure she was done with that train of thought. 

She turned back to look at Rogue, who for the first time since she’d met her actually looked bewildered, and tired. Very tired. 

“Kid.” Rogue sighed, rubbing her hands over her face. “How much shit is runnin’ through your system right now? Because we need you focused.” 

V had the common sense to look apologetic, looking down at her feet as they swung in the air. 

“A lot.” She spoke quietly, wary of admonishment.

It didn’t come, instead, Rogue just grabbed a bottle of tequila from the Samurai shrine on the wall of the bar, taking two glasses and pouring them both out a glass, making two Johnny Silverhands. Rogue slid one over to her, such V graciously accepted, giving a small raise of her glass to Johnny before knocking it back. Johnny, for his part, had a small smile on his face as the women drank to him, a silent toast for the third member of their party. 

Rogue took the empty glass from her and patted her on the shoulder, weariness replaced with a more sympathetic look. 

“Head upstairs, take a right, there's a locked room you’ve got access to. Go up and grab some rest while you can, you ain’t gonna have chance to later.”

V gave her a thumbs up, jumping down from the counter with a hand from Johnny. 

“Thanks, Rogue. ‘preciate it.”

“Don't thank me yet kid, thank me when we’ve got you to Mikoshi in one piece.” 

Rogue didn’t look at her as V waved, staring off into the empty bar, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. Which was fine, because V’s energy was slowly crashing, sight becoming bleary again as they ascended the stairs. She all but face planted the bed, not bothering to take her shoes or jacket off as she made herself comfortable. Johnny stood beside the bed, watching her shift around until she met his gaze, clumsily patting the bed behind her, beckoning him.

Thankfully Johnny didn’t have to be told twice, climbing into the bed behind her and settling in, arms wrapped snug around her waist, face in the crook of her neck. She began to speak but was interrupted by a big yawn, sleep creeping up on her fast. His voice was soft as he spoke in her ear.

“Sleep well, V.” 

And with that she was out, falling into a dreamless sleep, able to enjoy this last moment of safety in his arms.

***

She woke the same way she fell asleep, with that familiar voice in her ear immediately setting her at ease.

“‘S time to wake up, love.”

Groaning, she opened her eyes to the dimly lit room, feeling the firm pressure of his arms still around her. She grumbled, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.

“‘S time already?”

The drugs were definitely wearing off, the feeling of her body physically falling apart around her was slowly returning, a reminder of the urgency of their situation. She wanted to lie there forever, bask in the comfort of each other for the rest of her life, but presently that wouldn’t be very long at all. And it wouldn’t be fair to either of them. 

Johnny sat up first, helping her shift herself upright as she leaned heavily on him, the familiar fatigue settling in her bones once more. 

“Heard voices outside, think we better go join ‘em. You think you can make it?” 

He was giving her an out. One last chance to turn back, go peacefully, leave any plans of taking on Arasaka behind them. And she appreciated it. Those words meant more to her than all the ‘I love you’s whispered under the cover of darkness, because they said all that and more. He was willing to let go of his lifelong vendetta against Arasaka, against corps, against the people who took everything from him, because he cared about her more. But that was a two way street, which is why they had to do this. 

She nodded, swinging her legs over the side of the bed and running her hands over her face. God, she was tired. More tired than she had ever been before. Surely nobody had ever been this damn tired. But they didn’t have time for tired tonight. 

Running her hands through her unkempt hair, she used a hair tie to throw it up and out of the way. Satisfied, she began to push herself off the bed, Johnny holding onto her the whole time. She didn’t keel over, but it was a close call. They took a moment, allowing her to get to grips with being upright before they made a move. One last look shared between the two, a confirmation of everything they could say but didn’t, unnecessary to voice because they could feel it, wrapping tightly around their hearts like an interconnecting thread, unable to separate if they tried. 

Johnny’s arm around her waist, they left the calm darkness of their solitude and made their way back downstairs, where Rogue was waiting with a man she didn’t recognise. However, she felt a vague sense of recognition sit in Johnny.

“V, glad you could join us.” Rogue leant on the bar, arms folded across her chest. “This is Crispin Weyland, he’s our pilot for this run.”

V shuffled closer to them, holding out a hand to shake. Weyland took it with a firm grip, her hand dwarfed in his. 

“Name’s V, nice to meet you.” 

“Weyland, pleasure’s all mine.” 

Rogue cleared her throat beside them, both dropping their hands instantly.

“Well now everyone’s met everyone, we can get a move on. V, there’s a netrunner set up in the next room, you’re gonna go in and convince Alt to take down a Juroujin-0401 satellite.”

She barked out a laugh, one that was echoed by Johnny loudly in her ear. 

“Sure, any other favours you want from her while I’m in there? Want me to ask her to take down Arasaka for us? Let us waltz on in there like we own the place?”

Rogue’s deadpan expression did not signal that she was about to fuck around tonight, or take any of their shit. 

“Better get your best begging face on, because without her we don’t have shit.” Rogue’s voice was firm, no room for bargaining.

V sighed, turning to Johnny whose expression clouded with doubt, but he shrugged, relenting. That was his job then. He’d talk to Alt, she’d stand there looking pretty. She could do that.

“Great, we’ll get to that then.” 

V hobbled off to the backroom, mostly standing purely with help from Johnny and spite. She could hear Weyland’s voice in the background as she entered the room.

“Why did she say  _ we _ ?”

V snorted, good luck explaining that one, Rogue. She probably wouldn’t have to, she’d just fix him with the stare that said ‘no further questions are welcome and I have a gun’.

The set up was easy enough, she’d been through this enough times now to know the drill, but that didn’t ease the trepidation in her every time she went into the net. She was a lot of things, but a netrunner would never be one of them. Still, it was one last job, and then the tower. As the world faded around her, she really fucking hoped Johnny was wearing his charisma pants today, he was gonna need them.

***

V wasn’t a big fan of what she liked to refer to as ‘the construct formally known as Alt’, a nickname that had made Johnny laugh, even if she’d felt a pang of pain there, but she had to admit, she sure knew Johnny.

“As action precedes reaction, so Johnny Silverhand speaks before he thinks.”

Broken up over fifty years, and the poor guy was still getting dragged by his ex. If Alt were still...well, Alt, she thought they’d probably have got along, even if it was just mutually harassing Johnny.

“The Juroujin-0401 poses no problem. I can deactivate the satellite.” 

Well shit, that was easy. Maybe there really was something of the old Alt left. Or maybe it was the fact that so much of Alt was gone that meant she was willing to help them. It didn’t really matter either way, all that mattered was that she’d do the job.

“Upon your opening of a back door into Mikoshi, I will be able to circumvent the data fort’s security protocols.”

“And then…” Johnny’s voice sounded wary, like he didn’t want to hear the next step. 

“You will be separated from V. And Mikoshi will cease to exist.”

And that was why. It was the end goal, always had been. Yet hearing her say it felt so...final.

She looked to Johnny, trying to decipher the look on his face, but he was closed off, sullen. 

“Well, see you inside Mikoshi.” 

“Yes.” 

Before V had a chance to ask any questions of her own, they were booted out of cyberspace, the digital room fading around them as they returned to the small back room of the Afterlife. Johnny V was standing beside her chair, but his mind was elsewhere, and she knew where. Regardless of how long or had been, seeing Alt like that couldn’t get any easier. She wished they had time to talk, ask him if he was still okay with this, if he needed a breather. God knew they both did. But there was no time anymore, there never seemed to be enough damn time. And they had a tower to burn. 


	17. Strength, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Strength is the card of resilience. It is associated with determination, bravery and internal struggle. One must have dedication in order to overcome obstacles and reach one's goal. Strength is about physical prowess and spiritual fortitude – the power that must be unleashed to achieve the impossible."

Adrenaline pumping through her veins, the cool air of Night City against her face, V didn’t think she’d ever felt more alive than she did riding in that AV. Her system had grown more accustomed to the drugs this time around, allowing her to stay more collected than she had the first time, thank god. Still, that didn’t stop her letting out a loud “Whoo!”, yelling into the night sky as they flew over the city. 

“God, it’s so beautiful!” V shouted over the noise of the AV.

“Yeah, is about to get even prettier too.”

Rogue’s smile was smug, expectant. She definitely knew something she didn't, but when didn't she? 

“Eyes on the sky, V.” 

Johnny’s voice came hot in her ear, his hand appearing beside her head pointing up into the darkness. She stared up, waiting for something to happen. After a minute went by, she was about to turn back and ask him what exactly they were waiting for, when a large, distant fireball erupted over the city. She could hear Johnny’s exhilarated laughter loud behind her. 

“Fuck! That the Juroujin?”

Rogue nodded, grin plastered on her face. “Yep, Make a wish kid.”

They didn’t have long to enjoy the view, however, as Weyland’s voice came through their holos. 

“They’ve locked onto us! Better hold on tight!”

Just as he spoke, a blast slammed into the side of the AV and they were no longer flying but crashing, nosediving right into the side of Arasaka Tower. They burst through the wall, the impact sending her flying, right out the open door of the AV. 

In an instant, she was hurtling through the air, freefalling surrounded by clouds of debris so thick she had no idea where she’d land. Until the branch of a tree smacked her in the ribs, halting her descent. She sputtered as she tried to shove leaves out of her face with her hand that wasn’t clinging to the branch for dear life. 

“V, you’re wearing fuckin’ anti-gravs! Drop down!”

She peered down to see Johnny stood at the base of the tree, dwarfed by the sheer size of it. But he was right, and she had forgotten the damn boots. Tentatively, she released the branch, immediately regretting her action when she began plummeting to the ground once more, but she was relieved to find that the boots did in fact kick in a couple of metres off the ground, avoiding becoming a V-shaped splatter for the time being. 

Holding onto the trunk to regain her balance, she could hear the speaker systems blaring “intruder detected”. Well, if an AV smashing through the side of the building counted as intruding then they weren't wrong.

“Psst, kid!” 

V spun around to find the source of the voice, not even bothering to take out her gun which would have been a terrible move if it had been a trap, so she was relieved to find Rogue, crouched in a bush behind her, beckoning her over frantically. She darted over, ducking down beside her.

“Why we hidin’? Gonna be honest Rogue, think they might know we're here.” 

“Well, you wanna get shot on sight, that's your prerogative. But you wanna make it to Mikoshi? Better to take out the guards one by one.” 

Had a point, but V’s strong point had never been stealth, which Rogue would probably soon find out. Still, they’d try it her way first. V used her Kiroshis to scan the area, pinging off the first security guard she found. There were ten in total. Five each should be fine, even less if Weyland had survived. 

V jerked her head towards the nearest guards and did a little slit neck gesture, which prompted an eye roll from Rogue but she nodded in agreement and made her way over to the other guard. They had to do this simultaneously so neither guard could alert anyone, easy enough. Rogue was in position, ready to dart out and grab hers, and V was nearly behind the other. One more step and she was there.

And she tripped on her fucking boots.

She could blame Rogue, or the anti-gravs, but it would be disingenuous. And there wasn’t time for the blame game, as both guards spun on the spot to look at her, drawing their guns in an instant. 

“They’re over he-!”

Two simultaneous bullets, one from each gun and the guards dropped to the floor. Rogue threw her the filthiest glare she had ever received.

“Stealth V!” Rogue hissed. “Ever fuckin’ heard of it?”

“I’m fuckin’ sorry, boots are clunky as shit-“

“Don't even _ start.” _

The sound of rustling and raised voices grew closer, and Rogue tried to grab her to drag her back behind a bush, but it was too late. The rest of the guards were on them and firing on sight. Malorian out, V took out as many as she could, always disappointed she could never one-shot them like Johnny. 

“9 o'clock V!” His voice rang in her ear as she spun round, taking out the guard with one bullet to the head. Maybe he was her good luck charm. 

“Well, you fuckin’ need one.” 

He was pissed, but she could still detect the edge of humour in his tone. 

Another two shots rang as Rogue dropped one more guard, but there were still four hot on them and V needed to reload. She ducked behind a rock, shoving in the new magazine as quick as she could, but she jumped at the sound of machine gunfire. Poking her head round the side of the rock, relief washed over her at the sight of Weyland, taking down the last few guards from up above, laughing maniacally. Dude was kinda terrifying, but shit, he could get the job done. 

“Thanks, Weyland!” 

V waved up at him, grinning once the fire had ceased, receiving an equally enthusiastic wave back, while Rogue stood beside her, still staring at her with her arms folded. The two women turned back to the pile of bodies surrounding them, surveying the mess. Rogue seemed to know exactly what she was looking for, with a small “aha!” as she ducked down beside one and rifled through its jacket, retrieving an access pass that she held aloft triumphantly. 

“Now,” Rogue started, letting the body drop back down as she stood, “we head to the elevator. Move it.” 

She was still pissed, her eyes narrow as she spoke to her. V wasn’t sure what Rogue had expected, surely her reputation preceded her? She’d never be a stealth merc, and at any rate, the Malorian was made for charging headfirst, guns blazing. 

They trudged through the forest together, towards the elevator where Weyland was already stood waiting for them, still grinning. At least someone was having a good time. 

“Let’s get this show on the road!” He clapped his hands together, obviously more than ready to take on whatever awaited them on the other side. 

“Think V beat you to it.” Rogue mumbled under her breath as she called the elevator.

The three of them squished inside. It was snug but they fit, V avoiding Rogue’s piercing gaze as the elevator traveled down. 

_ She’s just tense. You did good, V.  _ She heard him in her head, though couldn’t see him. She still felt guilty, but his words helped set her at ease somewhat. She hoped he could feel her gratitude as she tried to send it his way. 

The elevator doors pinged and slid open, all three of them swiftly filtering out, guns at the ready as they made their way through the empty corridors. The whole place was eerily empty, and it did nothing to settle her nerves. Finally reaching the main atrium, Rogue cursed and darted forwards, ducking behind a railing. V and Weyland quickly followed suit. 

“The elevators are jammed.” Rogue explained. “We’re gonna have to jump down.” 

V took a moment to quickly peer over the edge of the railing. Fuck, that was a long way down. Anti-gravs were one thing, but they’d need Arasaka to have gone with the odd design choice of mattresses instead of floors if they wanted to survive that fall. 

Rogue seemed to cotton on to the dubious expression V had, sighing like she was having to explain the plan to a child. 

“Three jumps, three floors at a time til we’re at the bottom. Clear?” 

V and Weyland nodded. She was still dubious, but she knew better than to question Rogue at this point. Rogue went first, running to the lowest section of railing and throwing herself over. Weyland went next, V staying behind for a moment to make sure they both survived the drop. 

“Get a move on, V.” 

Johnny’s hand was on her back, urging her forward. She didn’t look back at him, the reassuring pressure enough to give her the confidence she needed to jump. She landed with more grace than she’d anticipated, almost proud until she realised three guards were staring at her. She legged it, ducking out of the way of the bullets as best she could, joining Rogue and Weyland at the next ledge as they jumped down again. 

One floor left, Weyland covered them, taking out the guards on their level and the ground as they sprinted towards the last ledge. The coast was clear, all throwing themselves over for the final time and landing on the ground floor with soft thuds, almost in unison.

Rogue began sprinting across the room, yelling over her shoulder.

“This way! Elevator to the labs is the fastest way down!”

They were hot on her heels before she’d started to explain, she didn’t need to. Rogue knew what she was doing and they trusted her.

Entering a vacant room off to the side, there were rows of computers and screens, all leading up to a smaller room with ports inside. Exactly where they needed to jack Alt in. Looking around, V found a terminal connected to the room, running the command to unlock the door. Hearing the sound of it sliding open, she ran across, sliding inside and jacking Alt’s shard into the port with ease. 

“Alt’s in!” She shouted through to Rogue and Weyland, though she hardly needed to, as the robotic voice of Alt echoed through the room.

“I have bypassed security.”

Well, that was quick, Alt didn’t fuck around. 

“I have complete control of the building. The way to Mikoshi is clear.” 

V’s kiroshis picked up all the systems surrounding them as their security protocols were overwritten. She wondered exactly what  _ complete _ control meant, but they hardly had time to be asking questions.

“Elevator, now.”

Rogue snapped her fingers, drawing V’s attention back to her as they left the room, heading towards the elevator at the end of the corridor. Pained screams echoed behind them, stopping V in her tracks as she turned back to see clusters of Arasaka men dropping to their knees, clutching at their heads and chests as they dropped to the ground, dead on impact. Their implants sparked as they lay motionless. Alt  _ really _ didn’t fuck around.

They ducked inside the elevator, all fitting inside with more ease than that last one. She let herself fall back against the wall, eyes closed and panting for breath. They might not have hit her as hard this time, but it seemed that the drugs might not last as long either. She could feel pain threatening to creep in at the edges, but willed it away for now. They were so close. 

“You’re doing good, kid.” 

She opened her eyes to see Rogue, observing her without the anger from earlier, she almost looked impressed.

“Thanks...Rogue.” She managed between breaths, throwing her a small, grateful smile. 

She was a hardass, but Rogue could be a soft touch on occasion, and god knows V needed it right now. 

The doors slid open as they reached the lab floor, but Rogue didn’t move, watching V as she regained her breath. She was damn glad they’d chosen Rogue for this, didn’t think anyone else could’ve got them this far. But there was a way to go yet. V took a deep breath, collecting herself for the last stretch, and pushed herself off the wall, nodding to Rogue who once again took the lead. Weyland followed, and V went last, though she could feel Johnny close on her heels. 

The corridors were strewn with bodies, all the poor bastards taken out by Alt in one fell swoop. It was a grim sight, but she’d rather it were them than her. And it made the way to Mikoshi a lot easier, simply having to walk through the body riddled corridors til they reached a large sliding door. The door to Mikoshi.

This was it, their goal since day one. Yet just knowing what lay on the other side made her stomach churn, feeling Johnny’s anxiety bleeding into her own. She squatted down, fingers reaching under to push the sliding door up, but her energy was waning fast and the door barely budged under her efforts. 

“Weyland, give me a hand with this thing.”

Rogue gently nudged V out of the way, and she obliged gratefully, taking a moment to catch her breath once more. As Rogue and Weyland worked together to pry the door open, she felt that familiar firm grip on her shoulder, placing her own hand over the top of his before turning to face him. Johnny’s face lacked the relief she had also expected to feel, instead reflecting her own trepidation back at her. But she still gave him a reassuring squeeze that he reciprocated in kind. One more step together and they were there. 

“Go on, kid.” 

V turned back to see Rogue and Weyland watching her, Rogue with a knowing smile and Weyland looking concerned. 

“We’ll keep guard out here, just in case. You go on in. See you on the other side.” 

V nodded, one last glance at Johnny before she dropped her hand and walked past the pair, heading into the core. The door slid shut behind her, just as her vision began to blur and she fell to her knees, hacking up blood onto the floor.

“Shit! C’mon V, you're almost there.” 

Johnny crouched beside her, hand rubbing circles on her back. Fuck, they were so close. But at that moment the short walkway to the port was a million miles long, and V’s time was running out. 

She wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, pushing down the pain searing through her as best she could, and reached out a hand to Johnny. He took hold immediately, pulling her upright and holding her there while she took a moment to compose herself.

“Think you can make it?”

She didn’t trust her voice, didn’t think she had the energy to spare even if she did, so she just gave a small nod, gripping on a little tighter. He gave her a reassuring smile that still made her heart flutter despite the circumstances.

“That’s my girl.”

They slowly made their way over to the port, though she stumbled every few steps, his arm quickly wrapping itself round her waist as it so often had these last few days. The only thing keeping her afloat. Finally, she stumbled forward to grasp hold of the wall, fumbling for the jack with shaking fingers. She managed to pry it out, slotting it into her port with Johnny’s hand over hers, guiding it in. He let his fingers linger there, brushing her hair out of the way with a gentle touch. 

She leaned into it, the temptation to stay there, just the two of them was so strong. But there was no time. Never had been for them. 

He helped her as she slowly lowered herself into the water, the world around her disappearing into lines of code. The last things she felt were a sharp pain shooting through every inch of her body like fire, causing her to cry out in pain, and his hand in hers, grip tight and steady in her own. 

***

If she’d thought the walkway to Mikoshi was long, the stairs she was met with once inside went on for an eternity, never seeming to end as she made her slow ascent. They stretched on and on, but the pain and exhaustion that had weighed on her was gone, allowing her to take them with ease. Reaching the top, she couldn’t help the way her heart seemed to stutter at the sight of him, back to her at the end of the makeshift corridor. Her pace picked up the nearer she got til she was all but sprinting, almost going flying into his back once she reached him. 

She barely waited til he had a chance to turn around before she jumped into his arms, his grip tight around her as he spun them round, relief bleeding into the sound of their laughter.  _ They’d made it.  _ Despite everything, from a half baked plan, V’s failing body, all the odds stacked against them, they made it here. 

He set her down, though his grip on her waist didn’t loosen as he pulled her into a kiss, one filled with excitement, relief, but also a hint of trepidation at what was to come next. It was rushed and it was passionate, and she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

They only pulled away at the sound of Alt’s voice echoing through the space around them, startling them out of their lovesick daze.

“I made an error in my calculations.” 

Silence. They looked at each other with a shared expression of confusion. What the hell did that mean? And why did she have to be so damn cryptic every time she spoke? 

“DNA reconfiguration had progressed too far.” Alt continued. “The body’s immune system had been attacking its own neurons. V will die, independent of what I do. It is inevitable. And imminent.”

Her blood ran cold, ice through her veins. Yet, she thought somewhere inside she knew. She’d felt it eating away at her body, day by day. That wasn’t something that could be fixed, even by Vik.  _ She  _ might have felt something like this coming, but Johnny on the other hand…

“The  _ fuck  _ do you mean Alt?”

“I could not know the situation before conducting a thorough and precise diagnosis-”

“You fuckin’ promised Alt! Promised you’d save her, and now you’re sayin’ you ain’t gonna do shit? Lying piece of-“

“Johnny!” 

V’s voice loud in his ear stopped him in his tracks, turning back to her as she grabbed his hand in her own, giving him a sad smile that she knew was the last thing he wanted to see, because he’d know what it meant.

“Johnny, listen to me. I-“

“Nope. Not fuckin’ listening to this bull-“

“-If you love me you’ll listen to what I’ve gotta say.”

That’s stopped him in his tracks. It was a low blow and she knew it, but damnit this might be the last time she got to talk to him and she wasn’t gonna let him take it from her.

“One of us is leavin’ here in that body, and if it’s me then there ain’t gonna be much point. People risked their lives to get us here Johnny. ‘S not fair to waste that.”

The anger had left his features, but it was replaced with a look of utter devastation that made her want to turn and run. But she wouldn’t. He had every right to feel it, and fuck if she didn’t feel the same, but she had to hold it together for them both.

“We came here to save you, V.”

His voice was soft, unable to hide the way it shook as he gripped onto her hand so tight she was glad they were just code or he would’ve probably broken it.

“ _ You _ came here to save me, I came here to make sure the most important thing in the world to me stays safe.” She gave him a soft jab to his chest. “An’ that’s you, Johnny.” 

“V…” his voice was almost a whisper. So many things to say, but none of them were adequate.

“I’ve got some rules for you, so listen carefully. First,” she raised a finger “Nibbles gets fed morning and night, a full bowl. Water too, that’s important so don’t forget it. Two,” she raised a second finger, small smile quirking on her lips despite herself. “I’m giving you my body, but I’ll be damned if I let you ruin my hair. Every time you wash it, conditioner. Understood? Don’t care too much about the brand, whatever floats your boat. But you gotta use it.” 

“V-“

“-and third.” Her face softened, the hand that had been used to count coming to cradle his cheek. “Don’t push everyone away Johnny. I know you, and I know first thing you’re gonna do is hide yourself away and ghost everyone. But those people out there? They love you. You gotta let them.”

He closed his eyes, leaning into her touch like it was the last time he would feel it. She let her thumb brush against his cheek, stubble tickling her skin in that way she’d grown so fond of. His eyes were misty with latent tears when he opened them, staring at her with such intensity she knew she couldn’t break their gaze if she tried. His hand came up to rest over hers, his voice so soft she had to strain to hear it.

“Don’t wanna do it without you, V.” 

God, the pain in his voice broke her heart, and she wanted more than anything to fix it. To tell him she’d be there with him, they could go on, have a life together that they wanted so dearly. But that kind of story would never be theirs, and they both knew it. 

“Don't have to. You promise to remember me, and I’ll be there with you every step of the way.” She withdrew her hand from his face, taking his hand and placing them both on his heart. 

He tried to speak but his voice failed. She didn’t need him to say anything. She knew everything that was going through his head, every feeling flowing through him in that moment was reciprocated in her. 

“C’mon rockerboy, time for you to go back.” 

She guided him, hands joined together as she pulled him towards the well in the centre of the space, hands gripped together so tightly she wasn’t sure if they could separate. But that was just wishful thinking. She had to let him go.

One hand on the well, Johnny stopped, turning back to her. He grabbed her and held her to him, arms wrapped round her so tight, as if he thought that if he was strong enough, he could stop it all. Bring her back with him. Make everything else go away. She pulled back enough to meet his face, both of them shedding tears they didn’t care to acknowledge. She pulled his face down to hers, pressing her lips so softly against his. It was a slow, tender kiss, similar to so many they had shared before, on a lazy afternoon in her apartment, sat on her sofa under the warm sun, or in bed, as he moved within her, mouths pressed together between sweet nothings whispered under the cover of dark. 

It was like those in every way but one. It was the last. Their lips moved against each other so in sync, not just their bodies but their souls irreversibly intertwined, in that moment and forever. 

She pulled back first, she had to. She knew he never would. He pulled her back in again. And again. Desperate for more, unwilling to separate. But they both knew it was time. She cupped his face in her hands, pressing one last kiss to his forehead. “I love you” whispered into his skin. 

Noses pressed together, staring into each other’s eyes, drinking each other in as much as they could, his voice was broken when he spoke.

“I love you too, so much V. So much.”

She smiled, watery but warm, and pulled away. And this time he let her, hesitantly climbing into the well and lowering himself down. He stared up at her face, so lovingly it twisted the knife lodged firmly in her heart. 

He began to fade, code disappearing into the darkness. The last thing he heard was her voice close in his ear, whispering.

“‘S time to wake up, love.”

***

He woke up in the water of Mikoshi. But he didn’t. Not really. The only part of him that mattered, his heart, was still inside. He was empty, a breathing shell. Her heartbeat in his chest, but it was purely for show. There was nothing alive in there anymore, it had been ripped out.

He pulled himself from the water and removed the jack, slumping down, unwilling to move. There was no point in moving, he wouldn’t turn and see her, hear her laughter, feel her hands on his. 

Tremors began to wrack through his body,  _ her body _ , as he vaguely registered footsteps growing closer. There was a hand on his shoulder, pulling him up to meet Rogue’s gaze. 

“V?”

A choked sob escaped his lips, and realisation dawned on Rogue’s face.

“...Johnny?”

He was gone. Clinging onto Rogue for dear life, a life he didn’t want, as howls of anguish surged through him, echoing in the vast space around them. Rogue didn’t say a word, just held him, arms wrapped tight around him as he fell apart. But her embrace was cold. Everything was cold. The only warm thing left in the world was the feeling of her necklace against his skin, burning into the flesh over his heart. A heart he had to protect now, because it carried her memory in it, and that was the heaviest burden in the whole damn world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can only apologise for the pain


	18. The Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Devil is addiction, craving and passion. He brings fame and fortune, but at the price of losing oneself to a world of material distractions. The Devil lures unsuspecting souls into traps, but always grants them a choice. One can try their luck and take him up on his offer, but one should always know when to call quits.”

He’d been moving through the world in a daze. Each day he rose. He fed nibbles. He washed his hair,  _ with _ conditioner. Then he sat on the sofa, vacantly staring out the window until someone came round. Kerry, Rogue, sometimes even Misty. They’d make him eat something, and they’d talk, hoping to prompt something from him, any kind of response. But they never got one. They’d leave him with a squeeze on the shoulder and a pitying expression, and he would sit there until dark. Then it was time to feed nibbles and climb back into bed. His bed. Her bed.  _ Their _ bed. 

He moved through the world, following her last requests like a set of commands, executed to a T. No more, no less. Physically, he was in their apartment, but everything was cold. Nothing was real. The last real thing was inside Mikoshi, his beating heart left behind in the machine, leaving him cold, robotic. Even the city sounded quiet, the usual cacophony of noise dulled, almost to a whisper without her voice intermingled with it. 

Days when Misty came were the worst. Not that it was her fault, the girl was sweet. But every time she walked in with that sympathetic look in her eye he was reminded how he didn’t deserve it. None of this was his, it was V’s. V’s cat, V’s hair, V’s friends. V’s hand he ran his fingers across, somehow hoping that she would grasp them back. V’s bed, where he could almost trick himself into thinking that any second her arms would appear around his midsection, her face pressed into his neck. And it was her heart, the one that loved him so much she gave her life for his, beating in his chest. A constant reminder painfully pounding against his ribs, telling him that she was gone. 

The vacant void of Mikoshi would have been kinder. At least he looked like himself in there. He wouldn’t have to see her face every time he walked past their shattered mirror. See those eyes that had not long so ago stared at him with such tender adoration, now fixing him with his own haunted gaze. The whole apartment was haunted. By him and by V. He was a ghost, inhabiting her body reluctantly, haunting her friends every time they saw his face. And V was in every nook and cranny of that apartment. In every piece of furniture, every T-shirt tossed to the floor, in every vacant space her ghost hung heavy in the room. It had been different when she was alive, their souls were intertwined. But now they were oil and water, lost souls on two separate planes of existence, unable to form a whole. 

***

Johnny would never admit it, but the day Rogue came by he’d been considering calling it quits. He’d faltered from his routine that day, not making it to the sofa where he normally resided. That day, he’d got distracted by that damned mirror again. Caught a glimpse of her face as he’d passed and a small, stupid part of him had allowed himself to think for a second that it really was her. And then his heart had shattered all over again when reality hit him like a freight train. She was gone.  _ Really  _ gone. Part of him had let himself think that they were going to fix it, that he would have some grand plan and they’d storm back over to that Tower and he’d get to hold her in his arms again and tell her how she was his sun, the only thing that could warm his soul and he needed her. Loved her so damn much. 

But he had no plan. No grand scheme. No way of saving her. She was just gone, the sun extinguished from his life, leading him to rot in the cold, dark world she’d left in her wake. 

And that’s where Rogue had found him, staring into that mirror, expression twisted into heartbroken anguish as her face looked right back at him. 

“...Johnny?”

Nothing. Didn’t flinch, didn’t even blink. He hadn’t even acknowledged her presence. Probably hadn’t noticed it. She tried again, slowly lowering her hand onto his shoulder.

“Johnny.”

Voice firmer this time, louder, it shook him out of his daze. He turned to her, blinking the unshed tears from his eyes and watching her, almost as if he didn’t quite recognise her. His voice was so gruff from lack of use she barely heard him.

“Rogue?”

“Come sit down Johnny, we gotta talk.”

She took him by the arm and he let himself be guided towards the sofa, Rogue pushing him down onto the seat with more care than he was used to from her. Must be serious if she was bein’ this nice. She sat next to him, worrying her lip between her teeth, avoiding eye contact.

“‘S this ‘bout Rogue? Seem nervous at shit.”

At this, her eyes darted up to meet his, an uncharacteristic look of trepidation swimming in them.

“Someone wants to meet you. Got something for you.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “Nobody’s got anythin’ I want.”

She paused again, seemingly unsure whether it was worth finishing the proposition. Sighing, she leaned closer to him, eyes locked firmly with his.

“He’s got your body, Johnny.”

Well, that was not what he’d expected. 

***

He wanted to tell him to go eat shit and die. 

His smug fucking face, stupid blue eyes watching him across the booth. He knew way too fuckin’ much. Rogue said she hasn’t told him shit, so how did he know who he was? About V? About Soulkiller? Whole thing reeked and he didn’t wanna step in it. Sure, it would be great to have his own body back, god knows why Arasaka had even kept it, but he wanted a lot of things, wasn’t gonna sign a deal with the devil for them. Well, until he added an addendum.

“We have access to Valerie.” 

That stopped Johnny in his tracks. Access? What the fuck did that mean?

“Wanna clarify that sharpish?” He all but spat across the table.

Unaffected by Johnny’s attitude, the man continued, a placid smile written on his face. 

“We have the means necessary to place her on a relic, similar to your own. You would simply require a proxy to host her permanently.”

“And why won’t this do?” Johnny gestured to his body. Her body.

The man shook his head. “I’m afraid it’s not that simple. It could house her temporarily, but the human body is simply not strong enough to be overwritten twice.”

Johnny rubbed his hands over his face in frustration. This whole thing was fucked. He could smell the Corpo shit from a mile away, and he’d spent his whole fuckin’ life having everything taken from him by fuckers just like him. Including V.

But to have her back? To make everything right again? To be able to hold her in his arms, hear her beating heart, tell her he loved her once more time? Was that worth his soul? Did he even have a soul without her? 

The man pushed a screen across the table towards Johnny. It was a contract. A fuckin’ contract.

“All we ask in return, is that when the time comes, you will owe us a favour. Just that. Nothing more, nothing less.” 

This was some Faustian shit. And Faust had made it pretty fuckin’ clear, Johnny knew what the right choice was here. But what if Faust had done it for the woman he loved? What if Orpheus had been given a second chance to safely guide Eurydice from the Underworld? Would he have willingly sold his soul for a chance to save his love? 

Johnny stared down at the contract, holding it in his hands.  _ Her _ hands. The hands that had so lovingly held his own when she confessed her love to him for the last time. He knew he had no choice. The joke was on them. Because without her, he had no soul to sell. Just a broken man’s promise that he would do anything in his power to bring her back from the depths and have her safe in his arms again. 

Johnny pressed V’s thumb down, sealing the deal. He’d kneel before Hades and beg for another chance at redemption, one last chance to guide her out of the darkness and bring her home to him, even if that meant signing a deal with the devil himself. 

The man smiled, taking the screen back and packing it away in a briefcase. 

“Be ready at eight am tomorrow. We will come to you.” The man reached his hand across the table. “It had been a pleasure, Mr. Silverhand.” 

Johnny didn’t move, just glowered at the man, who eventually pulled his hand back with a grin, and left, leaving Johnny and Rogue sitting alone in their private room at the Afterlife, neither daring to speak. The weight of his choice hung heavy in the air, but they both knew he would take it. He was so damn cold and he wanted to feel the sunlight kiss his bare skin once more, no matter what the cost. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was blessedly short after the last two, and the next two may well also be another two parter so I am sorry in advance for the pain


	19. The Wheel of Fortune, Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Wheel of Fortune means that change is coming. One's destiny could turn out for the better or the worse, yet it also bears the promise of new possibilities. The Wheel reminds us that nobody remains at the top forever, but also that not every situation is hopeless.”

Back

And forth

And back

And forth 

And back 

And-

“Can you stay still for five  _ damn _ minutes, Johnny?”

Forth

And back

And forth

Vik sighed, throwing his hands up and walking towards the door, where Misty was perched watching the man’s movements. 

“Watch him will you? Make sure he doesn’t fuck anything up, I need a minute.”

Misty nodded as Vik moved past her, sprinting up the stairs to get some reprieve from the smothering apprehension that hung over the clinic. 

Johnny had been there since 6 am, smoking like a damn chimney in the cold outside the clinic until Misty had convinced Vik to let him in. He knew he wasn’t wanted there, Vik could barely look at him on the best of days, but he’d made an exception today. 

They were gonna get her back.

Johnny had no idea how this was gonna work. Rogue had explained the fine print to him. There was a proxy on its way, paid for by  _ her _ , for which she didn’t wanna see an eddie apparently. The man had said 8 am. Well, it was ten past, and there was still nothing. Had they been taken for fuckin’ idiots? Was it all a big ruse, and now he’d sold his soul to some Corps for fuck all? 

He was pulled out of his spiraling, thrown back to the present by a commotion outside. Misty and Johnny’s heads both spun round to watch the door, neither daring to breathe. And then the commotion burst through the door.

Four men carrying a large glass tank marched into the clinic, somehow contorting to fit down the narrow staircase, placing the tank in the middle of the room and vacating as quickly as they had entered. Johnny warily eyed the tank. He knew what was in there, but he didn’t want to see until he had what they were really waiting for. The relic. 

As if on cue, the man strolled down the stairs, giving the pair a jovial wave as he surveyed the dimly lit clinic.

“Mr. Silverhand, Miss Olszewski, good morning. I hope it finds you well?”

“Where is she, asshole?” Johnny was grabbing him by the collar in an instant, pulling him so close he could feel his breath on his skin. 

The man just smiled, and it made his damn skin crawl.

“She has been delayed, but her courier will be here promptly. The proxy, however…” the man took a step back, brushing himself off once Johnny’s grip relented. “Well, I’m afraid that has been delayed further.”

“What does  _ further  _ mean? How long we gonna be waiting here?” 

The man shrugged, readjusting his lapels. “Only an hour or so. Though whether the chip will remain at full integrity… well that is still to be seen.” 

The man ducked out of the way of Johnny’s hand this time, hand held up in a peace offering. 

“Patience is a virtue, Mr. Silverhand. I have upheld my end of the bargain. You will have it soon.” 

He nodded towards the pair of them, giving a small bow before taking his leave, ascending the narrow staircase with a lighthearted air that made Johnny wish he’d zeroed the guy on the spot. 

A hand on his arm, which was still raised to grab the man, startled him out of his anger. Misty gave him a sympathetic smile, squeezing lightly as he lowered it back down to his side.

“Doing good, Johnny. She’ll be here soon.”

He nodded, fingers twitching for a cigarette. The second she let go of his arm he had one in his hand, gesturing up the stairs as he left her down there, cigarette already lit before he reached the door. 

It didn’t help release the tension he was holding, but it did help shield him against the bitter cold of the morning. The nicotine warmed his lungs, surrounding him in a cloud of smoke. He didn’t bother making eye contact with Vik, who sat on the stairs to Misty’s. There was nothing to say. They were both there for one common purpose, nothing more. 

The almost companionable silence which had settled over the alley was broken, as a small, haggard looking merc burst into the alleyway, panting for breath and bleeding in several places. He stumbled over to Johnny, holding up a black briefcase for him to take. Vik approached cautiously as Johnny snatched the briefcase away, barely noticing the merc’s state.

“You okay kid? Don’t look too hot.” Vik asked, studying him. 

The Merc shook his head, his whole body shaking.

“No time.”

And with that the merc was gone, stumbling out the alleyway like the devil was in his tail, as he likely was, leaving a small trail of blood behind him. Johnny didn’t know what that poor kid had done to end up in the servitude of that man, but he didn’t care enough to feel pity. All he could do was stare at the mildly blood splattered case in his hands. 

“C’mon Johnny.” Vik’s hand gently pulled on his arm. “Let’s get inside and see what we’re dealing with.”

***

_ Need a new arm _ , he thought, looking down at the stump where his left arm had been. It hardly surprised him that they hadn’t gone all out, equipping him with the latest Arasaka tech. They’d likely had it sitting in that building for over half a century, probably weren’t too preoccupied with making sure he was ready and raring to go. But that didn’t make it any easier as he went to grab his lighter with his missing arm for the third time. 

V’s body was a different story altogether. Johnny had been barely conscious, waking up in his own body when he was unceremoniously dragged from the chair, muffled voices surrounding him sounding panicked as he was left slowly coming around on the cold floor of the clinic. As movement slowly came back to him, eyes fluttering open, he became more aware of the frantic bustling around him. Using what little strength he had, he managed to shift his head to face the chair as the world around him began to come into focus. 

V’s body, her  _ old  _ body, was lying in the chair he had just been pulled from. Johnny tried to shout over to Vik, ask what was happening, but it came out as a jumbled slur, his tongue not yet cooperating with the rest of his body. It had been enough, however, to catch the attention of Misty, who briefly left Vik’s side to crouch beside him. 

“Can you hear me?” He gave a small, jerking nod. “Good, that’s good. The chip integrity started to drop while you were still out, Vik had to improvise until the proxy gets here.” 

Misty reached down and gave his shoulder a firm squeeze, though it did little to reassure him as he heard Vik’s frustrated huffs in the background.

“Misty! Need you back over here!”

And then she was gone. He tried to stay conscious, watch what was happening, but he could feel himself slipping again. As darkness swam back into his vision, he could’ve sworn he saw V’s limp hand twitch before he let it consume him. 

***

As with so many days recently, the first thing she woke to was pain. 

Except that wasn’t right. Because she wasn’t supposed to wake up. Code didn’t sleep, and it didn’t wake. Yet here she was, eyes fighting to stay closed against the intrusive lights of the room she found herself in. Room? She could feel leather under her, cushy but worn. Could hear a mechanical buzzing nearby. The last thing she remembered was the cold, vacant depth of Mikoshi, unsure of how much time had passed. 

“V? You in there?”

That voice. She could have been in Mikoshi for a century, forgotten her own name, and that voice would still feel like coming home.

“Johnny?” She mumbled, not having fully regained use of her muscles yet. 

“In the flesh, Darlin’.”

V could feel a warm hand carding through her hair, stark contrast to the ice cold room she’d woken in. She leaned into the touch, wanting to enjoy the contact, ignoring any burning questions she had for as long as possible, but she was desperate to see the man on the other side of that hand. She managed to pry her eyes open despite their protest, and the sight she was met with justified the strain. Stood over her, eyes staring down at her with such tenderness she could have melted under his gaze, was Johnny, in the flesh. Literally. 

She definitely had questions. But they could wait.

“Hey, handsome.” She managed to croak out, more coherently this time. “This heaven?”

His mouth twitched, smirk resting on his face like it had never left.

“Even better. Vik’s.”

She snorted. “Better? You and Vik chooms now?”

“He wishes!” Vik’s voice interjected in the background.

Vik walked over to the pair, looking her over with a thinly veiled concern, hand coming to rest on her arm and he gave it a firm squeeze.

“How you feeling kid?”

She gave a small groan as she tried to sit up, giving up on the pursuit with a frustrated huff when her muscles decided to refuse her request. 

“Like I got hit by a fuckin’ truck. An’ died. Which I’m pretty sure ain’t far off. Anyone wanna explain why I’m lyin’ here? Not that I’m not grateful, but I got a few questions.”

Vik sighed, running his hands through his hair in the way that usually signalled his nerves were fried. 

“Wish we had time for them all, V. But I'm afraid your stint in that body isn’t for long. Had to stick you in there because there was a problem with your relic storage unit-”

“-My Relic?”

“We’ll get there, V. Your proxy arrived not long ago, ready for the relic, thank god because that thing,” He gestured to her, “not got much juice left in it. Gotta get that chip out stat.”

V nodded, taking it in for a moment. Her head was reeling with the information she’d just had unceremoniously dumped on her. She wasn’t panicking, the hand in her hair still working to soothe her, but she certainly wasn’t calm. 

“When you say you gotta get the chip out... what exactly is gonna happen to me?”

The hand in her hair froze at the same time as Vik’s face. They both knew something, and they’d been holding off on sharing. Vik wasn’t often lost for words, so his prolonged silence did nothing to quell the rising dread she could feel, anticipating his answer. 

“We take the chip out, and it goes into the proxy. Simple job.” Vik sighed, glancing at Johnny, whose hand began its ministrations again. “This body is toast, kid. Won’t last long without that chip. Relic began to overwrite the second it went in, and your body couldn’t handle the load. Wouldn’t give it an hour even with the chip.”

“Okay, but…” She paused, glancing between the two men. “I’m still in here, right? I’m in this body, not just the chip?”

Vik nodded, unwilling to finish connecting the dots for her, his expression pained. But he didn’t have to. The look on their faces answered her most pressing question, and she didn’t like the answer. She let her head sag back against the chair, realisation mixing with the building dread. 

“So, I’m gonna be in here when it... when I…” 

Vik looked at her with the same pity he’d given her when he’d handed her the gun before they raided the tower. A look reserved only for worst case scenarios, of which this definitely qualified. 

“I know, V. There’s… there’s options. We can give you something before we take the chip out, it’ll knock you out cold til you...well, it’s your choice.”

She considered the offer. It was probably the wiser option, and she understood why he was offering it to her. It would probably be kinder to everyone involved. But it just didn’t sit right. It wasn’t her. 

V gave a weak shake of her head. “Nah. Told Johnny before, if I’m goin’ I wanna be there. Wanna be present, y’know?” 

She felt Johnny’s hand move down in favour of twining with her own, grasping it impossibly tightly. But she avoided meeting his gaze, afraid of what she’d find when she did. Vik gave her arm a firm squeeze, but his sad smile did little to reassure her. 

“Well, we’re on a bit of a timer here kid. I’m ready when you are, you good to go V?”

That phrase was a bit too literal, but she let it slide, giving a firm “yes” the same time Johnny gave a “no”. Vik looked between the two of them, frowning. Trust them to disagree even on this. 

“Well, it seems like you two should have a chat before we do anything.” Vik turned to leave the shop, give them some privacy. “I’ll be back, you two…do what you gotta do.” And with that, he left them alone. 

V twirled the hem of her T-shirt between her fingers. God, it was cold. Had Vik’s always been this cold? She was stalling, whether it was her own death or meeting Johnny’s gaze she wasn’t sure, but she could guess. Couldn’t avoid it forever though. Steeling herself, she turned her head to face him. He stood next to the chair, pale and drawn, holding her hand in a death grip. The pained look on his face mirrored the last one she’d seen before he left Mikoshi, like he was losing a part of himself. She guessed he was, even if only temporarily this time.

“Y’know Johnny, we gotta stop meetin’ like this.” 

She gave a weak smile, but he didn’t reciprocate. She couldn’t blame him, it was just her fucked up way of deflecting, but it wasn’t fair on him. 

She reached up with her free hand, using all her strength to raise it high enough to meet his cheek, grateful when he brought his face down to meet it. He leant into her hand, though it did little to ease the expression of pain he wore. 

“Gotta do this Johnny, rip off the bandaid. ‘S only temporary this time, you’ll have me back soon.” 

“Won’t be like last time, V. You should take Vik’s offer, quick ‘n painless.”

She let her thumb scratch softly against his coarse stubble, tickling her skin. She never thought they’d have this again, and definitely not like this. 

“You know how I feel ‘bout it. I just...if I’m goin’ I wanna be there. Wanna be aware.”

“You think about me, V? Maybe I don’t wanna watch you die?”

“Both know that’s happening’ anyway. You can go if you want, wait it out with Kerry, I won’t be mad.”

Johnny shook his head, pressing a kiss to the palm of her hand. He spoke in a low voice, almost a whisper in the empty room. “Nah V, with you to the end.”

His sad smile mirrored her own, and she pulled him down to meet her in a slow, shaking kiss. Every worry, any trepidation she had melted away into it. His hand cradling the back of her head so tenderly, she knew that she’d be ok, with him there to watch over her. 

***

When Vik returned the room was quiet. He found the two not speaking, just gazing into each other’s eyes, drinking each other in. He coughed to make his presence known, walking over to them and patting the armrest between them, forcing them to give him some space. 

“Okay. Everything good? You ready, V?” 

She nodded, not bothering to lift her head to watch him. 

“Okay, should be relatively simple. I grab that chip, take it out, then…” he paused, seeming to choke before he could get his words out. “So...you’ll wake up in the new proxy. Any questions before we get going?” 

V turned her head to face Johnny, but he just shook his head, eyes not leaving her for a second.

“No, we’re good. Thanks, Vik.” 

Vik nodded, discomfort still evident on his face as he moved closer to her head, slotting himself between the two, giving them a moment to reconnect their hands before moving toward the chip. He looked down at her one more, inches from her face. 

“Gonna count down for you. 3...2...”

On one, there was a loud click at the base of her skull, and suddenly everything was cold. Not just the bitter cold she had felt before, this was a cold you couldn’t warm up from, one you never would. She let out a small gasp at the feeling of emptiness, desperately praying something would fill the void left by the chip.

“Taking the chip now to give it a once over. Look after her, Johnny.” 

Footsteps disappeared into the distance and there was a shuffling beside her, her hand being placed on her abdomen. She let out a small whine at the lack of contact, but soon his hand was back on her again, shifting her to the side of the seat as Johnny climbed beside her, pulling her onto his lap as he fell into the chair. She went with the motions limply, all strength seeming to have vacated her body with the chip. She tried to shift her head to look at him but it was too hard, her body shaking with the cold as her lungs began to wheeze with every intake of breath.

“I got you, V. ‘M here.” 

His words ached to provide reassurance, but she could hear the tremor in his voice, feel it in his body. She let her head loll against his chest, ear resting against his heart, and she was shocked to find a heartbeat. A real one. She listened to the solid rhythm in his chest as it soothed her, nerves calmed by the persistent thudding against her ear. 

Tucked up against him, his hand stroked through her hair, rocking her body gently as her breath rattled through her lungs, growing colder by the minute. He pressed his lips to her forehead, soft kisses against her cool, clammy skin. If she felt wet drops on her cheeks that weren’t her own, well she wouldn’t mention it. Didn’t think she could if she wanted to. 

She understood why Vik had given her the option. It was terrifying, feeling the life slowly drain out of her, unable to grasp on. It was painful and empty, while also absent of feeling. Part of her wished she could go back, have it over with quickly, but she knew this was the best option, tucked away with him, safe. 

Her body slackened more as the minutes passed, limbs increasingly limp in his grasp. She knew she couldn’t move them if she tried. His voice was warm in her ear against her cold skin, comforting.

“You’re doing good, Sweetheart, you’re okay. You’re safe.”

She knew she was, his voice like a beacon guiding her home, a soothing balm against the tight grip of death around her throat. 

Breath became scarcer with each intake, her lungs felt like they were slowly deflating in her chest, her whole body collapsing in on itself. The ice cold that had sunk its teeth into her was curling its tendrils around her heart, and she could feel it physically slowing in her chest. A small, involuntary whine left her, the arm around her tightening in response. She could his own shuddering breaths and wished more than anything that she could hold him back, reassure him that she was okay. But they both knew that wasn’t true. 

Her vision grew increasingly blurred, the world around her swimming in and out of focus, her whole body gripped in an icy chokehold now. Her breaths were less frequent, mirroring her heartbeat, staggered and strained. Every exhale was shorter than the last, every pause between heartbeats longer. 

She felt herself gripped tightly by the warm body surrounding her, desperate to crawl into its comforting heat. His forehead was pressed against her own clammy, cold one, desperately trying to get her eyes to focus on his face, but to no avail. She felt her bottom lip wobble as the hand in her hair moved to cradle her cheek. He spoke in a low, calming tone, but the tremor let his emotions bleed through into his voice, wrecked. 

“Done so well, love. ‘S okay, you can let go, I’ve got you. You can rest now, I’ll be here when you wake up.” 

She let out a long, rasping breath, body shaking against his firm grip. She wanted to comfort him, but his words sedated her, dulled the pain as her body went slack against him. One more breath. Another. And another.

Her lungs pushed out one more, more a wheeze than a real breath, and she felt her heart stutter in her chest, barely a whole beat left. As the world faded to black around her, the warmth surrounding her body calmed her, all worries left behind with that last breath. The last thing she was aware of was his voice, pressed against her skin, whispering “I love you” as the world fell away. 

***

He didn’t know how long he sat there, holding her body as it grew cold, rocking her back and forth as her last, rasping breath echoed in his ears. He knew she wasn’t in there anymore, not really. The V that needed him was in the proxy on the other side of the room, being worked on by Vik. But he couldn’t let go. He could feel the chill of her lifeless body, but maybe if he held her tight enough, she wouldn’t feel it. 

He’d heard Misty come in at one point. She’d gasped when she saw them, probably not expecting to be faced with a dead man rocking her friend's lifeless body. He’d felt her hand on his shoulder, speaking to him. But he didn’t hear the words. Didn’t want to. He just continued to rock her, comforting her, or himself. It didn’t matter which. 

Time passed by, though he hardly noticed. He never moved. Not leaving her for a moment, just in case. He didn’t want her to feel cold. 

The next voice he truly noticed was different. It was unmistakably Rogue’s, though he didn’t look to verify this. 

“Johnny.”

Another firm hand on his shoulder. Another useless attempt at comfort.

“C’mon Johnny, she’s not in there anymore.”

He ignored her, continuing his motions back and forth, gripping her a little tighter. Rogue came round the other side of the chair, hand under his chin to pull his gaze to her. His face was red and swollen, eyes glassy.

“You gotta let her go.” 

He shook his head, his voice so quiet and broken she almost didn’t catch it.

“Don't want her to be cold.”

Rogue sighed, hand moving to his cheek the same way V’s had done so recently he could still feel it.

“Need you to listen to me now.” He dragged his eyes from V’s slackened face once more, meeting Rogue’s. “She’s not in there. The V you love is over there, and she’s gonna be online soon. She’s gonna need you there, so you gotta be strong for her, okay?” 

She was right. Fuck, she was always right. V needed him. 

He let Rogue carefully pull her lifeless body from his arms, resting V back in her seat. Hands on him, she guided him out of the chair, giving him a moment as he stole one last look, bending down to kiss her forehead once more. He rose with a shaking breath, rubbing his hand over his face, and gave Rogue a nod, leaving her as he went to join Vik.

And there she was. Lying there, nothing like the cold, lifeless body he had left behind. She had color in her cheeks, lacked the gaunt expression she had carried for so long, and most importantly she was breathing. Living and breathing. 

“Don't mess with anything. You can hold her hand if you, but don’t touch anything else.” Vik’s words were stern but his expression was soft. 

Johnny nodded, unable to take his eyes off her face. She didn’t look dead now, just sleeping. He took hold of her hand so gingerly in his own, seating himself beside her bed. He studied her face like it was the first time and the last time, taking in every detail, committing it to memory. He never wanted to stop watching her, and he never would. He’d been given a second chance, and he wasn’t going to let her out of his sight. Warm in his hand, he finally had the sun back, and he was gonna hold on tight til his dying breath. 


	20. The Wheel of Fortune, Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Wheel of Fortune means that change is coming. One's destiny could turn out for the better or the worse, yet it also bears the promise of new possibilities. The Wheel reminds us that nobody remains at the top forever, but also that not every situation is hopeless."

She didn’t remember waking up at Vik’s. Didn’t remember waking up at all. She didn’t remember screaming, grasping at anything around her, begging them to help her because she was dying. She didn’t remember having to be sedated by Vik. Well, at least that part made sense. The first thing she remembered was waking up in her own bed, warm, lying in the early morning sun, and meeting Johnny’s gaze. 

He was lying beside her, arm thrown over her waist, thumb gently caressing back and forth over her bare skin. His gaze was loving, but he looked like he’d been through hell and back. Heavy bags under his eyes, which were still red and bloodshot, a noticeable tremor in the movements of his hand, and a weariness behind his expression that no smile could cover, though that didn’t stop him from trying.

“Mornin’ Darlin’.” He threw her a lazy smile, but it didn’t quite meet his eyes. 

“Mm, mornin’.” She mumbled, reaching up to rub the sleep away from her eyes. “How long-“

“-Two days.” 

Well, that explained why he looked like crap. She reached a hand over to cradle his cheek, running her thumb under his eye, watching as they fluttered shut under her touch.

“Mhm. You sleep at all?”

“Nah, didn’t need it. Had plenty of practice doing week long benders with Ker back in the day.”

“Well,” she shuffled closer, pressing her lips to his nose in a short peck, “not on synth-coke now Johnny. Gotta get some sleep.”

His smile faltered, eyes opening to watch her again. He looked like a broken man. Like the life had been drained from him. Those eyes were so sad and weary, they were painful to meet. But she got it. Had their situations been reversed, how would she have handled losing him twice in quick succession? Probably not much better. But that was where she came in.

“C’mere.” 

V rolled onto her back, patting her chest as he watched her, dubiously. Rolling her eyes, she grabbed him and tugged him over till he was half resting on top of her, head resting on her chest. It was surprisingly easy to move him, she’d been so used to the little strength she had left by the end, but now she felt ready to take on god in a fist fight and win. Baby steps though. 

Adjusting his body on hers till they were both comfortable, she let her hand begin to card through his hair, working out all tangles from his neglect. He was stiff at first, but eventually, he began to slowly relax into her ministrations.

“You hear that?” She asked him, tapping her chest beside his head.

He nodded, declining to give a verbal response. That was good, probably meant he might be closer to sleep than she’d thought.

“Know what that means? Means I’m safe.” The hand from her chest moved to his back, rubbing slow circles on his bare skin. “That sound means I’m home, with you. Listen as long as you want, but get some sleep, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up.” She leant down to press a kiss to the crown of his head, feeling him melt under the touch. 

His words were so quiet she wasn’t sure she’d heard them.

“Promise?”

She paused for a second, an idea forming. Grabbing his hand from her waist where it had fallen, she brought it up to rest on her chest beside his head and linked her pinky with his.

“Pinky promise good enough?”

She felt him snort her chest, but his pinkie gripped hers back tightly.

“‘S good.”

She let their hands lie there, little fingers still intertwined as she felt his breathing even out and his body relax against hers. Continuing to card her hands through his hair, she watched him as he rose and fell with their breathing, once again in sync. 

She never thought she’d have this again, and she’d been okay with that. It was worth it to know he had his life back. But lying here, under the warm, morning sunlight, in their bed, being able to hold him again? She felt like Atlas, holding the whole world in her hands and she gazed down at him. But for her, it wasn’t a punishment. She’d gladly bear the weight so long as she could hold her world here, safe in her hands for as long as she could. 

She felt exhaustion and the warmth seeping into her bones slowly pulling her down, and she let it, enjoying the feeling of warmth she’d missed for so long. Feeling his soft puffs of breath against her bare skin, she was content to drift back to sleep, knowing they were once again intertwined, inseparable from the other. 

***

It was dark when his holo went off. He didn’t remember falling asleep until he saw their pinkies linked together beside him, bringing a soft smile to his face. She’d promised, and she’d kept it. She was still there, and he could hear her heart thudding below his ear, the constant reminder that he was home. 

The holo buzzed once more and he groaned, shifting to check his messages. It was an anonymous number, with a short message.

_ Outside _

The irritatingly ominous message pulled him from the warm stupor he had been in, but that wasn’t the kind of message you could ignore. V was still sleeping, still worn out from the past few days. The constant nightmares, the screaming. He could still hear it echoing in the silence of their apartment, so to watch her sleep so peacefully was a godsend. Leaning over, he pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, tucking the blanket up around her before he threw some clothes on as quietly as he could, shushing nibbles as he went out.

Turned out that “outside” didn’t mean far at all. There, slumped against the cold concrete wall next to their apartment was a kid he recognised. It was the merc. The one who had delivered V’s chip to Vik’s. Johnny knew he was dead before he crouched down, body cold to the touch, unmoving. Though, on closer inspection, the wounds he’d had that day seemed to be healed. Instead, he had one bright red stain on the front of a crisp white shirt, a single bullet hole in the fabric. 

Just as he went to stand, Johnny caught sight of something that made his heart stop in its tracks. Nausea brewing, he reached a tentative hand down, taking the card from the kid's hand.

It was a tarot card, he recognised it from Misty’s, the words “The Devil” inscribed along the bottom. Turning the card over, there was a scrawl across the back, simply reading,

_ An equal pound of your fair flesh. _

Shoving the card hurriedly in his pocket, his fingers fumbled for a cigarette, walking to the stairwell and taking a long drag as he pulled out his holo. It rang twice before she picked up.

“Rogue? We gotta talk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We got a short part two because I have been nerfed, but please enjoy!


	21. Justice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Justice is the card of conflict resolution. It proclaims the need for order, to see through lies and deceit, and a return to the natural state of affairs. Justice implies a just sentence, but also due process.”

Johnny was a man possessed. 

She’d barely been back a week when he’d stormed into the apartment, frantically waving his arms around as he explained how he’d found Smasher, finally knew exactly where he was gonna be and where. She was half listening, struggling to keep track of everything he was saying as the words flew out like escaped convicts, fleeing his lips as fast as possible. 

She knew his beef with Smasher, knew he’d wanted this for a long time, but right now? Where the hell had this come from? The timing felt weird. She was still settling into her new body, regaining her full strength, and getting used to being back in the land of the living. And he was always looking to get even? He’d been off. Ever since he’d come back that night, three am, smelling of smoke, tequila hot on his breath, stumbling back into bed beside her and coiling his arms around her in a vice. Since that night, he’d been on edge, jumpy, struggling to stay in one place for long. He’d still helped her recuperate, sure. Making her food, sitting with her, playing the guitar for her once she’d begged long enough. But he kept slipping out, telling her he wouldn’t be long, just had to go and check on something.

And then here he was, ranting about Adam Smasher like the past few months had never happened, back on his vendetta bullshit again. But fuck it. He’d brought her back from death, for a third time, and she knew how much it meant to him. If anything, she just wanted to keep an eye on him. Revenge made people reckless, especially him. 

“Right, so when are we doing this?”

That made him stop in his tracks, arms mid swing in the air.

“We? Ain’t no ‘we’ here princess. You ain’t comin’.”

She scoffed, swinging her legs off the edge of the bed and folding her arms.

“Don’t ‘princess’ me Johnny. You goin’ to take down Smasher? Sure, I get it. But you ain’t goin’ alone. You have a bad habit of fuckin’ up on your own.”

He crossed his arms to match her, equally defensive.

“Bringin’ Rogue, ain’t gonna be by myself.”

“Oh sure, that work out well last time? How’s your arm?”

She knew it was a low blow, but she wasn’t in a mood to fuck around. He was still getting used to the arm Vik had managed to put together for him, kept grumbling that the weight was off, that it wasn’t like the old one. If he wanted to go on some wild quest for justice she wasn’t gonna stop him, but he wasn’t about to get himself killed over it. She was gonna have his six whether he liked it or not. 

V watched the conflict play out across his face, shock, then anger, an insult forming on his lips, but stopping himself before it could leave. His fists clenched and unclenched, seeming to go back and forth weighing up his options. But they both knew he didn’t have options here. She was going with him, or he wasn’t going. 

Sighing, he threw his hands up, relenting, though his face made no effort to hide his frustration. 

“Fuck it, fine. But we do this  _ my _ way.”

She nodded. “Your way.”

He studied her for a moment, looking for any hint of deception, but didn’t seem to find one. Satisfied, he let out a long breath, shoulders slumping as all the pent up energy he had dissipated, his face softening as he approached the bed, crouching down beside her.

“Don’t mean to be an ass, just…” He took her hand in his, pressing it to his lips. “Y’know what this means to me, V.”

“I know.” She agreed, free hand coming to run through his hair. “‘S why I’m agreein’. I get it, just lettin’ you know I’ve got your back.” 

There was something else in his expression when he looked up at her, something unspoken, and she didn’t think it was to do with Smasher. He’d had this look for several days now, and if she was honest it worried her more than the revenge business. It was something he wouldn’t tell her. Maybe even couldn’t. 

She hated not sharing a brain anymore. Couldn’t peek in on him, feel what he was feeling, communicate silently across a room. Now they just had to trust each other, and she did, but did he trust her? Why did it always feel like one step forward, two steps back with him?

***

She trusted him. That’s what she had to keep telling herself as they sat around the booth in the Afterlife, listening to Johnny go over his half baked plan for the third time. Thankfully, Rogue had talked him out of heading in there, guns blazing immediately, though V was hardly looking forward to having her stealth skills put up to the test again so soon. 

She was pulled back to the present by a tapping on the table in front of her, Rogue observing her dubiously.

“You know you don’t gotta come if you’re not up to it, kid.”

V shook her head, grabbing her water from the table and sipping, mostly to calm her nerves.

“Nah, I’m good. Just wanna make sure this is gonna work, sure we can take down security _ and  _ Smasher?”

“ _ You _ ,” Johnny jabbed her in the arm, “ain’t takin’ down Smasher, he’s mine. That clear? Don’t want you near the fucker.”

V scoffed. “Sure, Johnny Silverhand and his one man army. What’re we supposed to do when he blasts your arm clean off and you’re in a crippled heap on the floor again? Wave goodbye and fuck off home?” 

“That ain’t gonna fuckin’ happen, so if you could stop bein’ a bitch and pull your head out if your fuckin’-“

“ _ Johnny.”  _ Rogue’s voice cut through his rant like a knife, his words falling limp in the air. “Go light one up outside will you?” 

He began a retort, but the look on Rogue’s face left no room for discussion, grabbing his jacket with a huff before trudging across the bar and leaving the two of them, an uncomfortable silence hanging in his wake. Honestly, she was still surprised when Rogue had her back. Sure she was his ex, but there was still something there that even V couldn’t touch. Though, that was probably why she knew when he needed taking down a peg.

She trusted him. She did. But she still had to ask.

“Has he really got this, Rogue? This ain’t about to blow up in our faces because he’s got a revenge hard on?”

Rogue sighed, arms crossed over her chest, leaning back in her seat. 

“Honestly, V? I’m not sure. But he needs this right now. He might not be showing it but he’s been through hell, needs something to give him a sense of control again, and this might just do that.” Rogue let her posture relax a bit, eyes softening as she looked at her. “You really don’t gotta come with, I’ll watch his back.”

“Nah, he’s goin’, I’m goin’. Gotta make sure he doesn’t get his ass flatlined the minute he’s got his own body.” 

Rogue was right, as always. He’d had no control over anything for so long, been helpless to save Alt, himself, hell even her. For a guy who needed to have control over everything, he’d given up so much of it for her. This was her chance to pay that back to him. And make sure he didn’t get his gonk ass killed. 

A small cough and Rogue’s darting eyes let her know that they were no longer alone, looking up to watch him approach the table. He was still tense, but his eyes lacked the intensity he’d left with, more focused instead. He held the Porsche keys in his hand, waving them in the air.

“We ready? Or am I interruptin’ ladies brunch?”

Rogue flipped him off before grabbing her jacket, shoulder hitting his as she barged past him to speak to Clare before they left. V was halfway up when he offered her a hand. Unnecessary, but she took it anyway, a peace offering. 

“Sure you’re up to this? Last chance.” 

She threw him a small smile, squeezing his hand which had yet to release hers.

“Yep. Stuck with me ’fraid.”

He returned her squeeze, grinning back at her with an excitement she almost envied.

“Good. Now let’s go get the fucker.”

***

Was this whole plan half assed? Yes. Was it a distraction? Almost certainly. Did it have a good chance of going tits up? Abso-fucking-lutely. But he wasn’t about to admit that to her. Ever since that night with the dead merc on their doorstep he’d been on edge, waiting for everything to go to hell. The longer it didn’t, the worse it got. He’d spent every day trying to find out something, anything he could about the bastard he was more indebted to, but no luck. He’d been at breaking point when Rogue had dropped this on his lap, always knowing exactly what he needed. She really was the best.

He might still be in a fucked up situation, but getting revenge on the bastard who took him down? Next best thing. That was, until V insisted on tagging along. Couldn’t blame her, she knew him well enough to know he was a reckless bastard with little impulse control, but now he had to divide his attention between getting Smasher and making sure she stayed in one piece. 

Pulling up outside the storage facility, his fingers itched for a cigarette. She might not have been in his head anymore, but he swore she could still hear him as she held out a cigarette to him. Their fingers brushed as he took it, still that feeling of electricity shooting through him at the touch. It was still so new, both having their own bodies, skin warm to the touch.

They climbed out of the car, walking round to the trunk and unloading the gear they’d brought with them. Trust Rogue to never be unorganised, she’d packed enough to take down a small army. Each took what they needed, loading up their bags with everything they might want and then some, before he slammed the truck shut and they huddled round, letting Rogue take the lead. 

“We’re going in,  _ stealth.”  _ She looked pointedly at V, who had the decency to stare down at her feet after the Arasaka Tower shit show. 

“V, you scanned the building?”

“Yep, just like you said. 16 in there, one of ‘em Smasher shaped. All seem pretty spread out, so stealth shouldn’t be too difficult.” She was clearly avoiding the growing intensity of Rogue’s stare at that.

“Anything goes wrong,” Rogue glanced to V once more, and Johnny knew V was debating flipping her off, “You  _ wait _ for us, Johnny.” Her gaze was fixed back on him. 

“Sure, ain’t stupid.” He said, nonchalantly, which he knew would piss her off more.

And it did, Rogue’s grip on her gun tightening, but not giving him the satisfaction of snapping. She was right to, he was just picking fights at this point, and there was a more important bone he had to pick here.

Rogue gave them both a nod, and they both returned it in turn. Time to head in. He was almost twitching with anticipation. Nerves, excitement, and adrenaline pumping through his veins. Fuck, he felt alive. For the first time in so long, he could focus on the heat of the moment, the thrill of the electricity in the air before a fight. 

Slipping in through the side door V had hacked with ease, he watched the two of them take out the first guards with ease. For all the shit they gave her, V was damn good when she wanted to be. A strange sense of pride filled him as he watched her, which he quickly shoved aside. He didn’t have time for that crap now, and if he kept watching her, he wasn’t gonna finish this. 

They moved through the building, closer and closer as the tension in him rose with each guard taken out. By his count, there were seven left. Nearly there. But then he saw him. Across the vast concrete room, Adam Smasher stood, watching over the facility. 

Something in him snapped.

He could barely hear V and Rogue shouting after him as he raised the Malorian, shouting across the room.

“Hey, remember me fucker?” He took the shot.

Immediately there was chaos.  _ Ten  _ guards on them. Shit, he hadn’t been counting properly, too distracted. But he only had eyes for one of them. Making his way through the room, he marched towards Smasher, gun still raised, ignoring the commotion swelling behind him. 

“Surprisingly spry for a dead man, Silverhand.” His lifeless, metallic voice rang out. 

Johnny laughed. A real, bordering on hysterical, laugh. He shot again, dodging out of the way as Smasher came at him, arm swinging down towards him. Fuck, he’d missed this. 

Managed to dodge another swing, he attached a small charge to his torso and ducked behind the nearest cargo container before it could go off. The ground shook with the blast, Smasher’s curses loud as shrapnel flew out from his metal body. Ducking back round to check the damage, there was a large hole in Smasher’s chest, pieces of Shrapnel sticking into containers around them. Smasher was still fucking alive, though on his knees, desperately trying to operate his weaponised arm that seemed to no longer function. 

Johnny raised the Malorian again, ready to take another shot to his head when he heard a choked sob nearby that made his blood run cold. Turning round to the source, he saw V slumped down against a container, a large chunk of shrapnel sticking out of her abdomen. The rest of the room fell away, Smasher gone from his mind in an instant. He’d run off without them, and V had got his six, just like she’d promised. 

He ran over to her, dropping down to his knees as she slumped onto the ground, writhing in pain and whimpering as she tried to grasp at her abdomen. He grabbed her hands, preventing her from making the damage worse, pulling her onto his lap as he looked around frantically for Rogue. He spotted her, taking out the last guard with one shot to the head, catching sight of the pair on the ground and sprinting over. He knew he was fucked from the look on her face, but he didn’t care.

“Fuck, Johnny. We gotta get her to a ripper-“

“ _ Think I don’t fuckin’ know that?”  _ He hissed, though he knew his anger wasn’t at Rogue.

“Not the fucking time Johnny! Carry her, I’ll drive.” 

Rogue grabbed the Porsche keys from his pocket as he slowly lifted V, trying to ignore the way his heart broke at the sound of her pained cries. 

“‘S okay, V. We’re gonna get you to Vik, I got you.” 

A groan from behind him stopped him in his tracks. Fuck. He’d forgotten. 

Turning back to see Smasher, still on the ground, face twisted in pain and fury, his hand twitched around V. He could grab his gun quickly, finish him off and be done with it. He was going to do it, too. So close to reaching down, when she let out a small sob of pain and he looked down at her. She looked so small, so pale as she lay in his arms, blood blooming from her abdomen. One last look as Smasher, and he was gone. Fifty years and he’d thought about finishing that bastard almost every minute of it. It was the most important thing in his world, but now? Now his whole damn world was lying in his arms, bleeding out because he’d been a reckless bastard. 

He hoisted her up, holding her securely and trying to ignore her small pained whines as he started running towards the exit, gripping her tighter with each noise she made. He slid into the back of the Porsche with her, Rogue already waiting for them with the engine running. Here he was, helpless as he fucking started, stroking through her hair as her head lay in his lap. Telling her she was gonna be fine, they were gonna be at Vik’s soon, no clue if that was true. He couldn’t take his eyes off her, the pain contorting her features, knowing this was his fault. He only looked up to catch a glimpse of Rogue’s face watching him in the mirror, and he knew that it didn’t matter what he did, because if anything happened to V, Rogue would get to him first, and he’d be more than willing to let her pull the trigger. 

***

She was getting real sick of waking up in Vik’s clinic. Couldn’t even make it a week away from the place. 

“Just missed you that much, Vik.” She’d said when he commented as much, though he was less amused.

“Yeah, well next time invite me for a drink instead will you?”

She gave a small laugh which was abruptly cut off as she grasped for her abdomen, pain shooting through her. Vik’s hand came to her arm, squeezing it tightly.

“Easy kid, might be stitched up but that’s gonna take a while to sort itself out. Keep laughing to a minimum for me will you?” 

She gave him a weak salute, earning an eye roll from him as he moved away, letting her gaze fall back to Johnny, slumped against the wall on the other side of the room from her. He had his aviators on but she could still see his eyes watching her cautiously. He hadn’t spoken since she woke. Which was fair, she was pissed at him. But right now, the pain still grabbing hold of her won over the anger, and she wanted him there with her. She gestured with her free hand, beckoning him over, which he seemed reluctant to do, looking between V and the exit, but he relented. Always did when it came to her. 

He took her outstretched hand when he reached her, though still wouldn’t meet her eyes, staring down at her bandaged abdomen. Even when she squeezed tightly, he didn’t even glance up at her, eyes fixed on the spot where the shrapnel had landed. She wanted to get his attention, but didn’t know how. He was fixated. She tugged on his hand once more.

“Hey, mind lending me your jacket? It’s really fuckin’ cold down here-“

His eyes shot up to her face, blind panic overtaking his features. She didn’t know which part had set him off, but his hand was now shaking in hers as he tried to pull it away, his breath quickening. His eyes had gone glassy, like he wasn’t there anymore, trapped somewhere as he began to hyperventilate. Shit, what the fuck did she say?

Groaning, she managed to push herself into a sitting position with one hand, the other gripping his in a vice so he couldn’t run off.

“Hey, Hey look at me. Johnny? Can you hear me?”

No response, eyes staring at the floor, unfocused. She tried again.

“Johnny? Listen, gotta breathe. Wherever you are, ‘s not real. You’re with me, at Vik’s.”

Still nothing. If anything, his breathing picked up more at that. He was deep wherever he was. She took his hand and placed it on her chest, placed flat over her heart. She gave exaggerated breaths in and out, loud and clear for him.

“Feel that? In and out, with me. C’mon. In and out.”

His hand twitched in her grasp, though it stayed flat against her chest. His breaths were shaky, but eventually, they began to copy her own.

“Good, ‘s good. Keep going, you’re okay.” 

She carried on with her exaggerated breaths as he followed, pace gradually decreasing til it was more even, though still shaking. His eyes were more focused, seeming to be slowly coming back to himself. She kept her hand firm on his, rubbing her thumb slowly back and forth over it, hoping to ground him. When he eventually managed to bring his gaze up to meet hers, it was weary, but all she could see was the fear. He looked so damn scared.

Tugging him to perch on the chair edge, she made room so he could lie beside her, pulling him down when he was reluctant to join her. She helped readjust him so his head lay over her chest as it did most nights now, carding her hand through his hair as his shaking breaths continued to slow.

“You wanna tell me what that was about?” 

She felt him tense against her, but he spoke, so small it was almost a whisper.

“Didn’t want you to be cold.”

She gave a small laugh despite herself. “Yeah, well should’ve given me the jacket.”

But he wasn’t laughing, his arms around her gripping her impossibly tight.

“When you…when you flatlined. You were so cold. Never felt anything so cold, like you drew the heat out of the world when you left. Tried to keep you warm, but…” he stopped, choking on the words he couldn’t finish. He didn’t need to.

“Shit, Johnny…” her arm around his tightened, hand still stroking through his hair. “‘M sorry. I’m okay now, you know I am. Right here with you, you can hear it can’t you?”

He nodded, choosing not to speak anymore. He didn’t need to. They were gonna have a lot of talking to do once they were home, because she was still pissed. And god knows what Rogue was gonna say, she’d apparently left as soon as V was stable, but she was sure she was gonna eat him alive, and honestly, he deserved it.

But right now that’s not what he needed. She shouldn’t have let him dive in headfirst so soon, he wasn’t ready and neither was she. And she didn’t wanna have that talk with him, but they both knew it was coming. Though not yet. For now, she’d let him lie here with her, ear to her chest, and let him spend as long as he needed making sure she was still there, still alive, still with him. And if she was being honest, she needed it just as much as he did. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please thank Ruruie for being my guardian angel today because this chapter wouldn't have been published without her!


	22. The Chariot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Chariot is always charging ahead despite being pulled by its steeds in opposite directions. The rider who steers it constantly reins in the light and dark sides of the soul with the help of Reason. To ride in The Chariot is to experience highs and lows – ups and downs.”

She was pissed.

Not only at Johnny, though she was very much still pissed with Johnny, but at the fact that she had to spend another whole fucking week on bedrest.  _ And  _ at Johnny. She contained multitudes and all of them were incredibly pissed. 

She’d let him hold her hand across the Porsche console on the way back from Vik’s, but she allowed her anger to bleed into her grasp, gripping back so tight he couldn’t have been comfortable, but he accepted it without complaint. 

They ate in silence, and after he didn’t need to be told he was sleeping on the couch, just grabbed a blanket from the end of the bed and trudged over to curl up with Nibbles. She almost felt guilty, watching him trying to comfortably fit his gangly limbs on the sofa. Almost. And then her abdomen hurt again and she remembered exactly why. She still loved him, of course she did, but he was still in the doghouse until further notice.

But that bastard had a habit of setting fire to the doghouse with himself inside. 

She’d not been asleep an hour when she’d woken to a deafening scream that made her jump out of her skin, groaning in pain as she jolted up to find the source of the noise. She located it quickly, as she saw Johnny curled up on the floor beside the sofa, shaking, breaths coming in fast. 

“Johnny!” She tried calling out, but he heard nothing.

Grimacing, she pulled herself off the bed, managing to slide to the floor without too much discomfort. Sliding across the floor was a different story, engaging her wounded core muscles more than she was ready for, but she stifled her small pained noises as she made her way across the floor to him.

A tentative hand placed on his back, she rubbed circles over it, speaking softly into the dark room.

“Johnny? Shhh, c’mon, you’re okay.” 

She didn’t expect him to respond, so was relieved when his head darted up at his voice, eyes still wild with fear. But she knew this now, grabbing his hand and placing it flat over her heart, long exaggerated breaths for him to follow. They quickly fell back into it, Johnny visibly relaxing the longer his hand rested over her heart. Adrenaline fading, they both slumped towards each other, exhaustion from the day overtaking them.

“Come back to bed, Johnny.” 

His gaze was tentative as he checked her face for signs of residual anger, but he only found exhaustion. That seemed to satisfy him, and without another word he was carefully scooping her back into his arms and taking her back to their bed, crawling in beside her once she was settled. His ear on her chest, her hand running through his hair, for now, she’d let them have this. Because tomorrow he was gonna get his ass handed to him. 

***

“Said I’m sor-“

“Tell that to the piece of shrapnel I had in my fucking guts, Johnny!”

Morning had arrived swiftly in the apartment. V had let him wake up on his own, lay there listening to her heartbeat for a while longer, though she knew he was just delaying the inevitable. Once he reluctantly rose to go to the bathroom, he should have been prepared for shit to hit the fan once he returned, because she wasn’t ready to play house today.

“Still fuckin’ here aren’t you?”

“Yeah, and you nearly brought me back split in half! Bringing me back in two pieces might be a neat storage solution but it ain’t fuckin’ ideal!”

Johnny rubbed his hands over his face, getting more worked up.

“You shouldn’t’a fuckin’ followed-“

“Don't you  _ fuckin’ dare _ Johnny. I told you I had your back, that mean nothing? There was a  _ plan.  _ And it took you, what, five minutes to fuck that up and risk our lives for your revenge boner? Was it with it, zeroing Smasher? Worth it if I’d died?”

“Course it fuckin’ wasn’t, didn’t even finish the fucker because I was too busy saving your ass!”

V scoffed. “Oh. Well, I’m sorry. Sorry you had to save my ass after you got me fuckin’ impaled!”

A pillow went flying at his head, but he didn’t duck out of the way, letting it hit him in the face with a soft thud. He just stared straight at her, seething.

“You shouldn’t’a even been there! Tried to tell you but no! Had to come trailing my ass like some lost fuckin’ puppy ‘cause you got nothin’ better to do!” 

Silence green between them as she stared at him, his anger draining as he saw her face drop. 

“V-“

“You think that’s why I was there? Nothin’ better to do? Couldn’t be ‘cause I love your sorry ass and don’t know what the fuck I’d do if anything happened to you?” 

“I didn’t mean-“

“Well, what  _ did _ you mean, Johnny? Wanna tell me what this is all about? Because it ain’t about fuckin’ Smasher.” 

She watched his eyes flicker between her and the door and she knew he was so close to running, leaving her behind to go off on some bender and forget about everything. But he didn’t. His shoulders slumped in defeat, he trudged towards the bed, perching on the edge beside her, her thrown pillow in tow which he placed on the bed between them. 

“I just... wanted a distraction, somethin’ to help me forget everythin’ for a while.”

“And what’s everythin’?”

He paused, swallowing. “It’s...shit, V. You fuckin’ died on me twice. Every time I can’t see you I think you’re gone again and the world fuckin’ drops out from under me. Feel like I can’t fuckin’ breathe until I feel your heart beatin’ under me again and I know everythin’ is ok. But it’s not, ‘cause I’m so fuckin scared of losin’ you again.” He scoffed. “An’ look where that got us, nearly got you fuckin’ killed.”

V reached across the pillow and grabbed his hand, giving it a squeeze.

“I know. I get that but, can’t keep runnin from it. From me. Can’t help you if you won’t let me. You gotta let me in, Johnny. Let me look after you for a bit.” 

Johnny shook his head, bringing her hand up to press his lips to it softly.

“I ain’t the one in the wars here, Darlin’. Only one of us is stuck on bed rest.”

“Well, I’m puttin’ you on bed rest now too. Emotional bed rest until further notice, Ripperdoc’s orders.” She smiled at him, tugging him down to lie with her. He went, shifting the pillow to rest beside hers, lying on his side to face her. His hand traced carefully over the wound, only pausing when she flinched, shifting further down instead to press a soft kiss across it. When his eyes met hers, there was something different in them, a hunger.

“Let me make it up to you, sweetheart?”

She rolled her eyes, but nodded, shifting herself so she was lying back comfortably, able to watch him work. He trailed down her, pressing kisses to her skin as he went, grateful she had yet to get dressed for the day as he lifted her legs carefully over his shoulders, leaving her bare for him. She shuddered as his breath ghosted over her. 

“Fuck, V. Already so wet, just for me?”

She gave a small whine in response as he moved, tongue diving in as his flesh fingers parted her folds. His tongue worked, pressing in deeper as his thumb moved across her clit, rubbing in circles as she bucked towards his mouth. Normally he would hold her down to keep her still, control the pace himself, but this was for her. And maybe for him. Her rules, her pace, completely in control. New for him, but he could grow to enjoy it.

Her wines grew louder when he swapped his tongue and fingers around, fingers sliding into her with ease and crooking upwards, hitting that spot just right, because he knew her body better than his own, tongue licking over her clit slow and teasingly. She ground forward into his fingers, fucking herself on them in time with his steadily increasing movements, and he took a moment to look up at her, eyes locking onto each other. She was wrecked, cheeks flushed, eyes glassy, lost in pleasure, but all he could see was the pure adoration as she watched him work. It spurred him on, fingers moving faster, sucking her clit into his mouth as her coil wound tighter, ready to snap. 

And then she came, his name bursting from her lips, repeated over and over like a prayer as she rode out the waves of her orgasm, his fingers slowly working her through it until she fell limp against the bed, panting for breath. He crawled up the bed to meet her, kissing softly, the taste of her still on his lips. He was careful not to lean on her, flopping to the side of her, both still catching their breath. 

Taking his hand in his, she twined their fingers together between their bodies, still slick with sweat. 

“You don’t gotta tell me what’s eatin’ you if you don’t wanna. I know there’s more to this than Smasher, but, just wanna make sure you know that I’m here, no matter what Johnny. Ain’t goin’ anywhere.” 

She placed his hand over her chest once more, as they had begun the day, and felt him instantly relax beside her. It really did relax him, ground him in the present. That was something she could do for him, and she was grateful for it. 

“C’mon. Know you barely slept last night. We ain’t got nowhere to be today.”

“Can’t watch you if I ain’t awake.”

“I’ll be right here, ain’t gonna leave you.”

He looked across at her, and god he looked tired. Looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks, and she knew he barely had. Always staying awake to watch over her while he slept. But it was her turn to look after him now. Pulling him back over, avoiding pressure on her abdomen, she adjusted his head once more to rest across her chest, now their default position, her hand automatically beginning to stroke through his hair as he settled in with little protest. 

And she began to hum. An old tune she’d heard as a kid, soft and sweet, hand carding through his hair as she felt him melt against her. It wasn’t long before she heard the soft, quiet snores against her skin, letting her own eyes fall closed. She didn’t sleep, just lay there, enjoying his warmth, knowing that he was safe with her, that she could give him this. A feeling of security he’d always craved, a peace he never thought he could have. The home she knew he deserved. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is somehow on time, no thanks to Ruruie and Ravenstrange who are terrible influences but I love them despite that so do not hold it against them.


	23. Judgment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Judgement is the card of renewal. The angel blowing into the horn heralds resurrection and liberation. This card foretells an important change that will result in healing or fulfillment. It is also a symbol of self-worth.”

“Think I should go, Rogue.”

It was 2 AM and Johnny was six drinks down, slumped in his seat across the booth from Rogue. He knew he shouldn’t even be there, he should be home, in bed, lying next to the woman he loved and being content. But he couldn’t. Every time she smiled at him, every time she kissed him, all he could think about was the lies. He was probably putting her in more danger by not telling her about the deal, but he didn’t want to drag her into his fucking mess. Not when she could be free. 

It was the coward’s move, running away. What would she think? Waking up in the morning to some fucking Dear John letter, neither hide nor hair of him. But it would be safer for her. He couldn’t give her that choice, because knew what she’d choose. She promised to have his back and she would, even if it killed her. And that was the problem. He couldn’t let her die again because he was fucking stupid enough to make a deal with the devil. 

“Johnny.” Rogue started, leaning across the table. “I’m saying this with love. Shut the fuck up.”

He opened his mouth to retort, but the look on her face stopped him before he could utter a word. 

“You wanna break up with her? That’s your prerogative. But you owe it to her to tell her about all this shit. Don’t think she’s wondering about how she came back from the dead? Why you keep disappearing? This problem ain’t gonna go away, Johnny. He’s gonna come back and you’re gonna have to hold your end of the damn deal whether you like it or not. You always tryna run away from your fuckin problems ain’t gonna do shit. V deserves better than that.”

Johnny scoffed, taking another swig of his drink. “You think I  _ want  _ to leave her? ‘Course I don’t wanna break up with her, fuckin’ love her. That’s why I gotta go, I’m ruinin’ her damn life by stayin’. Nearly got her killed the other day, Rogue. I’m not riskin’ her life anymore.”

“And you don’t think that’s her decision to make?”

Fuckin’ Rogue. He didn’t  _ have _ to listen to her. But she was right. V had so many choices taken away from her, and here he was again just like the rest of them, removing any agency she might have because he had to be in control. 

“Did this to me, to Alt, Kerry; you gotta have full control over the relationship. Do whatever the fuck you want because you’re Johnny Fucking Silverhand and the rules don’t apply to you, but we gotta play along with your damn rules. You get to run away and come crawling back with your tail between your legs expecting us to forgive you, and we did it every damn time. And where did that get us? Alt’s dead, Kerry’s been haunted by your fuckin’ ghost for fifty years, and I…” she paused, looking down at her drink. “You fuck everyone over Johnny, make their choices for them, want everyone’s world to revolve around you-“

“I’m doin’ this to protect her Rogue-“

“You’re doing this because you’re a fucking coward Johnny!” 

He slammed his empty drink down onto the table and slid it towards Rogue, stare scathing as he stood from the booth and grabbed his jacket. Turning to leave, he was stopped as Rogue’s hand grabbed his arm, pulling him back round to face her.

“Just fucking talk to her, Johnny. Don’t run away this time. You both deserve better than that.”

His glare faltered for a moment, but he yanked his arm away, storming outside to the Porsche and sliding into the driver's seat. She didn’t fuckin’ get it. If V knew, she’d never let him go, convince him to let her help him. And he was weak. Weak when it came to her. He’d cave the second he saw that face so determined to love him no matter what, and he couldn’t afford to be weak. He had to go, and he had to do it tonight.

***

She’d woken screaming, as she did so many nights now. But unlike those nights, she didn’t have a pair of warm arms pulling her into him, soft lips pressed against her forehead telling her she was okay. The room was silent and their bed was cold. Her eyes darted around the room, searching in the dark for any sign of him, but he wasn’t there. How long had he been gone? And why hasn’t he said anything? She was growing fucking tired of Johnny being cagey, hiding something from her. They didn’t share a brain anymore, and it was fucking annoying. It used to be so easy, brushing up against each other’s minds, hearing each other’s thoughts, they were one and the same. But now they were two separate people, their minds were their own, and she hated it. It was too quiet, and it was deafening.

The sound door sliding open pulled her back, watching as he tried to sneak in silently, unaware she was watching him. He didn’t take his jacket and shoes off immediately as he normally did, stood in the doorway as his eyes adjusted to the darkness. It took him a minute before he looked over and saw her observing him, seemingly startled by her.

“Fuck- you still up?”

“Where were you?” 

He froze, looking as if he wasn’t sure whether to bolt or stay. He always had that look now, keeping her on edge every time she saw it. Making up his mind, he came to perch on the edge of the bed beside her, still declining to remove his outer layers. Shielding himself. 

“Afterlife. Had to talk to Rogue ‘bout somethin’.”

“Doin’ that a lot these days. Should I be worried?” 

She tried to say with it a laugh, but the genuine hurt under it was audible to them both. She couldn’t compare to what he had with Rogue, known each other for longer. But she’d been in his mind, knew he loved her. So why did she still feel like he was about to break away?

“V, I…”

“What, Johnny? What is it? Because you’re still hidin’ somethin’, It’s eatin’ away at you every damn day and you won’t let me help you. So you gonna tell me?”

“I need to go, V.”

She froze. 

She didn’t hear that right. Because he didn’t just say he was leaving. Not after everything they’d just been through. He wouldn’t do that. So why did it sound like that’s exactly what he fucking said? 

“You better mean to the fucking bathroom.”

“I’m not fuckin’ around V-“

“Do I sound like I’m kidding? You better start talkin’ right now before I kick you out myself because I swear if you’re back on your fuckin’ avoidance bullshit again I swear-“

“This is for  _ you,  _ not me! Think I wanna leave? Right after I got you back? ‘Course I fuckin’ don’t!”

“Then fucking talk to me, Johnny!” 

He sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. His body was turned away from her, but she didn’t have to see his face, she could hear the pain clear in his voice.

“Can’t lose you again. But this shit, it’s serious, V. Don’t want you involved in any of it.” 

“That not my decision to make?”

There he was again, trying to take charge of every fucking decision like she was a child. Like she wasn’t smart enough to make her own calls after all the shit she’d been through.

He let out a huff, but he still wouldn’t face her. She reached over a tentative hand and placed it on his shoulder, half expecting him to flinch. But he didn’t move, just let her hand rest on his shoulder.

“Johnny, will you look at me? Please?” 

She almost wished she hadn't asked when he did as she asked. He looked wrecked. Every damn time she was mad at him, he managed to make her forget all of it, because the second she saw his face all she wanted to do was remind him how much she loved him. The bastard. 

“Do you wanna stay, Johnny? Do you wanna be with me?” 

Conflict played across his face, unsure whether to play the game. But as with everything, he obliged. He always would for her.

“I wanna be with you, more than anythin’, but-“

She pressed a finger to his lips, cutting him off.

“Then stay.”

V knew that he was done the second his eyes softened, all the fight leaving him. She might be playing dirty, but if she’d learned anything from Rogue, sometimes you had to play dirty with him. He needed the push, to be given permission to let go of the control, let someone else take the wheel. 

They moved at the same time, mouths meeting in the middle in a slow, tender kiss that pulled them into each other, opposite forces colliding together, once again two halves of a whole. His hand cupped the back of her head, gently coaxing her further into him as her arms wrapped around him, holding onto him like if she held tight enough, she could bring him back inside, two minds becoming one once more. Impossible, she knew, but in that moment it felt like they were back again, two souls irreversibly intertwined. 

They pulled away, forehead resting against each other as they regained their breath, eyes locked into each, starting into the depths they both knew so well, because they were their own. He went first, pulling her into his arms, a comforting reversal of their new norm. The security of his arms reminding her where her home was, would always be. 

She settled into his hold, tucking herself into his side. But she wasn’t ready to sleep. Neither of them were, aftershocks from their fight still hanging in the room. She needed more. 

“Read somethin’ to me?” 

He seemed surprised, she’d never asked before. He read most of the time he was alone, but always kept it private, hiding it away the second someone entered the room. His guilty pleasure. But he wouldn’t deny her anything. Nothing in the whole world. He reached into their bedside table draw and pulled out an old, worn book, full of yellowed, dog eared pages. She didn’t recognise it, but she didn’t care. Shifting til she was comfortable, she gave a small cough to let him know she was ready, drawing out the first chuckle she’d heard from him in a while. 

“Alright princess, but no takin’ the piss.” 

She held up her pinky finger, which he took with his own flesh finger, intertwining them and letting them rest on her lap as he began to read. 

_ “The fountains mingle with the river  _

_ And the rivers with the ocean,  _

_ The winds of heaven mix for ever  _

_ With a sweet emotion _

_ Nothing in the world is single _

_ All things by a law divine  _

_ In one spirit meet and mingle.  _

_ Why not I with thine?” _

His deep drawl vibrated in his chest and through her back, but the tenderness he placed into each word wrapped around her heart, smothered in a warmth she only felt in his arms. 

“ _ See the mountains kiss high heaven  _

_ And the waves clasp one another _

_ No sister-flower would be forgiven  _

_ If it disdained its brother;  _

_ And the sunlight clasps the earth _

_ And the moonbeams kiss the sea” _

He placed the book down on the table, using his hand to cup her cheek, turning her to face him as he came down to meet her. They were so close his breath was hot against her skin as he spoke, softer than he had before.

“ _ What is all this sweet work worth  _

_ If thou kiss not me?” _

He tipped her chin up and their lips met once more, with so much tenderness she melted under the touch. Words still swimming round her head, she was lost in the moment, all she could feel was Johnny. Rest of the world be damned, all she ever wanted to feel was this. The soft press of his lips against hers, the warmth of his arms and her, wrapped so tightly in his tenderness she couldn’t free herself if she wanted to, and she never would. Ensnared in his web, she wanted to be devoured by him, consumed until they were one, two hearts beating in tandem. 

His hand over her heart was all she needed to know that he felt the same. She was sure they were still connected, not just by the relic but by their essence, made from one and the same. Nothing could alter or twist their beings from one another, bonded together now and forever, and neither would ever wish it any other way. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Literal poetic Johnny back on his bullshit  
> Epilogue tomorrow!


	24. The Sun

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The Sun symbolizes success. It is a card of freedom, renewal and a bright future that lies ahead. The Sun also represents truth, for its light will always pull back the curtain of shadow that hides the world's secrets. It is also represents greatness and splendor.”

Twenty eight. 

She’d been on the earth for twenty eight years. She hadn’t believed she’d ever see this day. Still wasn’t sure it was real. Night City chewed people up and spit them out, and she was no exception. She spent everyday waiting for the next thing to come, for that final nail in the coffin. And along came Johnny. Then she had an  _ actual  _ expiration date, and it was soon. She’d spent so long waiting to die; she wasn’t sure how to deal with a whole day centred around the fact that she was still here, despite everything. She was still alive. 

On her twenty-seventh birthday, she’d woken alone in her truck, nobody around to celebrate with her, no messages of congratulations or well wishes, no family or friends to gather round her. Alone in the world, just her and the open road. She’d had a party of one that night, beer in her hand, laying back on the sand, staring up at the stars that always made her feel so small, but they’d made her feel even smaller that night. Insignificant, alone in such a vast universe.

But on her twenty-eighth birthday, she woke to a warm body pressed against hers, wrapped in soft sheets, a hand stroking her cheek til she opened her eyes to meet his, gazing down at her so lovingly she melted beneath it. 

“Mornin’ Love.” 

His voice sweet in her ears like honey, trickling from his lips to her skin as his mouth came down to meet hers, slow and languid as they moved together, hand caressing over her body, playing her like a melody on his fingertips, knew every note by heart. 

Johnny kissed his way down her, moving with the rise and fall, notes rising in pitch as he went lower. He reached her strings, transposing his tune against her skin, fingers sliding inside as he shifted along her frets from muscle memory, hitting the right spots with such precision. An artist at his canvas, precise brushstrokes against her sensitive flesh, drawing out her soft cadence so sweetly. 

She was a lark, his songbird singing such sweet music for him, their voices harmonising in soft moans as he pushed inside, tempo slow as he moved within her. Soft lips pressed against warm skin in reverence of their sublime refrain, the words just their names repeated over and over like a hymn as they reached their crescendo, coming undone in tandem. The denouement to their performance, curtains drawing closer as he pulled her back into her arms, whispering his adoration against her soft tresses as she draped across his chest. Soaking in the warmth of his love, basking in the early morning sunlight as it filtered into their small apartment, the dawning of a day she never thought they’d have, but that she knew she’d remember as long as she lived.

***

“Can you grab my jacket?” 

Johnny’s voice shouted from the bathroom as he finished getting ready; V placed down enough food for Nibbles before they left. Walking over to the wardrobe, she grabbed his jacket, glancing back at the bathroom door. It was wrong, but there was that niggling in her brain that wouldn’t quit, and she was so damn curious. Didn’t know what drew her to it, but she stuck her hand into her left pocket, immediately grasping onto something. 

She should leave it. Just take her hand back. 

And she did, but with the card still firmly in her grasp. 

The devil. 

It looked just like Misty’s cards, though there was a message scrawled on the back. 

_ An equal pound of your fair flesh. _

She didn’t know what that meant, but it sounded like trouble. A threat? A warning? Where had it come from? Johnny had said that tarot stuff was bullshit, so why would he have it in his jacket? Curiosity was burning in her mind, but something stopped her. Once Pandora’s box was opened, she couldn’t put back what she found. It was out there forever. Was she ready to deal with the contents?

Today, she wasn’t. Maybe tomorrow she’d ask her burning questions, but today? Today was her day. The day she never expected to have, a day celebrating this new life she’d make for herself. They always had tomorrow, but today was a celebration of the present, and she was going to keep it that way.

Hand hastily shoving the card back into his pocket as the door slid open behind her, she spun around, grin forming to match his own as she took him in. Dressed up in a shirt and slacks, he’d made an effort for her; even his hair was tied up in a bun, loose strands falling across his temples. 

“Lookin’ good, handsome.”

Johnny threw her a wink, moving towards her and taking his jacket, letting it drop to the floor beside them as he pulled her to him, hand resting on the waist of her red satin dress. The kiss was brief but eager, moving against each other with a fervid passion that made her regret making plans. Reluctantly, she pulled away, his lips following her as long as they could. 

“C’mon, you start that, and we’re gonna have to tell Rogue the party’s off.”

He just shrugged, hands moving lower to grab her ass, but she pulled them off before they could reach their target and reached down to grab his jacket, shoving it into his arms with a smirk. He rolled his eyes but relented, taking the jacket and shrugging it on, before offering her his arm. 

“Let’s get a move on then, princess.” 

V laughed at the gesture but still took the arm offered, grabbing the Porsche keys from the side as they left the apartment, heading out to go and celebrate the day with the only other people she wanted to see. She was grateful for their friends that bit more today, just another part of her life she never thought she’d have or deserved, but that she treasured every minute. 

***

It was late. The party went on for hours, Johnny having called together all of their closest friends for what was supposed to be a small get together had quickly descended into chaos. As it always did. Judy started it, explaining to a scandalised Panam the most recent BDs she’d been editing, going into painstaking detail until she’d been forced to stop, Panam covering her ears and shouting until Judy promised she was finished. They’d had a small fire, thanks to Kerry trying to serve flaming cocktails while already drunk himself. Vik and Rogue had disappeared ages ago to god knows where. Misty was the only one of their friends still vaguely sober, sat with them in the booth as they sat around, reminiscing.

“Jackie would be so proud, you know that V? Really made something for yourself.”

V gave her a sad smile, taking another swig of her drink. 

“Hardly made a name for myself, not some big Night City legend.”

“Maybe,” Misty said, staring at her with that knowing intensity that always went right through to her soul. “But I think you made yourself something better. He’d be happy for you.”

V looked from Misty down to her hand, joined with Johnny’s on the table and squeezed, feeling his eyes on her without having to look. 

“Yeah, you might be right. Thanks, Misty.”

She just smiled at them, and V swore Misty could see everything when she looked at her; every tiny thing she hid, even from herself, all laid bare before her. 

V hadn’t noticed the music change, a softer song she didn’t recognise playing through the bar, but she did notice when Johnny rose from his seat, tugging her along with him. She gave a glance back to Misty, but she just waved them off, urging her to go with him. Who was she to say no? They moved to the middle of the bar, both their hands falling into place as they moved in time to the song. 

_ Oh, heavenly day _

_ All the clouds blew away _

_ Got no trouble today with anyone _

She was terrible. Truly terrible. Mercs didn’t often need the skill of slow dancing, and V was no exception. Thankfully, Johnny just laughed every time she managed to stand on his shoes, hands still planted firmly on her shoulder and waist as he guided them round in slow circles, swaying to the music. 

_ The smile on your face, I live only to see _

_ It's enough for me, baby, it's enough for me _

_ Oh, heavenly day, heavenly day, heavenly day _

V leaned in, tucking her face into the crook of his neck, arms pulling him closer as he gripped her tighter. She closed her eyes; for the moment, it was just the two of them, not another soul in the world, only theirs, intertwined. She felt his breath hot against her cheek, lips brushing against her skin as he whispered to her.

“Trust me, V?” 

She went to pull back, but his hand came to rest on the back of her head, so all she could do was nod into his shoulder. She did. More than anyone else, she trusted him with her heart and her soul, knowing he’d keep them safe til his last breath. And she didn’t have to tell him she would do the same in kind, because he knew. 

His hand was in hers, and before she could look back she was being tugged away, both of them leaving the Afterlife behind, the sound of music and loud voices fading away into the background as he led her up the stairs and into the night. 

She shivered as the crisp air hit her skin, though she wasn’t she wasn’t cold for long as a leather jacket was placed around her shoulders, wrapped around her securely as he held on, guiding her over towards the Porsche. He opened the door for her, lowering her into the passenger seat and leaning over to fasten the seatbelt, hovering over her for a moment before placing a brief kiss on her cheek. 

Jumping in the driver’s side, they set off without another word, a soothing silence settling over the car. She didn’t ask where they were going. She had an inkling, but she didn’t care either way. He asked if she trusted him, and she did, no matter where he took them. She just let him take the lead, reaching her hand across the centre console, finding his waiting there to meet her as it was grasped tightly in his own. 

As she’d expected, the car pulled up outside the old, dilapidated building. The words ‘Pistis Sophia’ barely visible on the faded sign as it swung in the gentle early morning breeze. Their hands separating only briefly as they climbed out of the Porsche, rejoining the moment he reached her side. Neither spoke as he led them up the stairs, back to where this started, the first time they were together. 

The sun was beginning to rise over the pacific as that leant over the crumbling balcony of the old hotel, orange filtering into the dark sky around them as a new day dawned. Stood there, hand in hand, she looked out over the water and thought about how different this was from anything she could have imagined for herself. But god, it was so much better. 

“Pacific’s beautiful this time of day.” His voice broke through the quiet beside her.

She turned and saw him, staring not at the ocean, but gazing at her, transfixed. 

“Yeah,” she spoke in a low voice as she moved closer, “it is.”

Soft smiles mirroring each other as they came together, soft and slow, lips joining like they’d never been parted, moulding together like they were one and the same. And they were. There under the glow of the early sun, intertwined with one another; they were one body and soul. She didn’t know what tomorrow would bring or the next, but everything was perfect for that day. Letting herself bask in their warmth, she knew they would never feel cold again, wrapped in each other’s eternal sunlight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's done! For now at least, while I start the sequel and take a short break because uploading every day is a lot.  
> I hope you all enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed writing!
> 
> Another lil thank you to Ruruie, because this baby wouldn't exist without you supporting me from chapter 1 and I'm so incredibly grateful!   
> And Ravenstrange because your damn clowning comments revive me each chapter and I love them

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This story will go through all of the Tarot cards in the game, so please fasten your seatbelts and keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times. 
> 
> Feel free to shout at me on tumblr at Beammeupbroadway


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